Your browser lacks required capabilities. Please upgrade it or switch to another to continue.
Loading…
<<set $header = 0>>\ <div style="text-align: center;">\ <p class="double">\ <br>CRYPT SHYFTER KNIGHTS OF FUZONIA<br> by kung fu space barbarian<br> </p>\ [[Start|stlkt]] </div>\ <<set $inventory= []>>\ <<set $hp = 10>>\ <<set $maxhp = 10>>\ <<set $gold = 25>>\ <<set $defense = 2>>\ <<set $level = 1>>\ <<set $king = 1>>\ <<set $thermalpod = random(2,3)>>\ <<set $pizza = random(2,3)>>\ <<set $atk = 3>>\ <<set $accuracy = 2>>\ <<set $def = 0>>\ <<set $speed = 3>>\ <<set $header = 1>>\ <<set $vulmacom = 0>>\ <<set $thrakkcom = 0>>\ <<set $starwispcom = 0>>\ <<set $rookcom = 0>>\ <<set $shipfight = 0>>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <table style="width:100%"> <tr> <td>You</td> <td><<display 'hpbar'>></td> <td>$hp/$maxhp</td> </tr> <tr> <td>Enemy</td> <td><<display 'ehpbar'>></td> <td>$ehp/$maxehp</td> </tr> </table>\ </div>\<<if $hp == $maxhp>>\ <progress value="100" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($hp gte (.75 * $maxhp)) and ($hp lte (1 * $maxhp))>>\ <progress value="75" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($hp gte (.50 * $maxhp)) and ($hp lte (.75 * $maxhp))>>\ <progress value="50" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($hp gte (.25 * $maxhp)) and ($hp lte (.50 * $maxhp))>>\ <progress value="25" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif $hp lte 0>>\ <progress value="0" max="100"> </progress> <<else>>\ <progress value="5" max="100"> </progress> <</if>>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ <<set $pizza -= 1>>\ <<set $hp = $maxhp>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ Tasty! HP restored!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You don't have any pizza!<br> [[Next|yourturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\<<set $torpedo = 2>>\ <<set $repair = 2>>\ <div style="text-align: center;">\ <<set $ehp = random(7,10) + ($level * 2)>>\ <<set $maxehp = $ehp>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ <<set $dice = random(1,6)>>\ <<if $dice lte $speed>>\ First strike!<br> [[Attack]] <<if $shipfight == 1>>\ <<link `"Fire Torpedo (x" + $torpedo + ")"` "Fire Torpedo">><</link>> <<link `"Repair Ship (x" + $repair + ")"` "Repair Ship">><</link>> <<else>>\ <<link `"Throw Thermal Pod (x" + $thermalpod + ")"` "Throw Thermal Pod">><</link>> <<link `"Eat Pizza (x" + $pizza + ")"` "Eat Pizza">><</link>> <</if>>\ <<else>>\ The enemy makes the first move!<br> [[Next|enemyturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\ <<set $pizzacheckerroll = random(1,2)>>\ <<if $pizzacheckerroll == 1>>\ <<set $pizza += 1>>\ <</if>>\<<if $ehp == $maxehp>>\ <progress value="100" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($ehp gte (.75 * $maxehp)) and ($ehp lte (1 * $maxehp))>>\ <progress value="75" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($ehp gte (.50 * $maxehp)) and ($ehp lte (.75 * $maxehp))>>\ <progress value="50" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($ehp gte (.25 * $maxehp)) and ($ehp lte (.50 * $maxehp))>>\ <progress value="25" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif $ehp lte 0>>\ <progress value="0" max="100"> </progress> <<else>>\ <progress value="5" max="100"> </progress> <</if>>\<<run UI.restart()>>\ Too bad, you died.<br> [[Restart][state.restart()]]<<set $level += 1>>\ <<set $hpincrease = random(1,3)>>\ <<set $hp += $hpincrease>>\ <<set $maxhp += $hpincrease>>\ <<set $tohit += 1>>\ <div style="text-align: center;">\ You reached <b>Level $level</b><br> Good job. You get +$hpincrease HP <<set $lootgain = random(1,3)>>\ <<if $lootgain gte 2>>\ <<set $lootitems = random(1,2)>>\ <<if $lootitems == 1>>\ <<set $pizza += 1>>\ +1 pizza <<else>>\ <<set $thermalpods += 1>>\ +1 thermal pod <</if>>\ <</if>>\ <br>[[Continue|afterallthefights]] </div>\ <<set $shipfight = 0>>\<<if $state == 1>>\ <<goto "win1">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 2>>\ <<goto "win2">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 3>>\ <<goto "win3">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 4>>\ <<goto "win4">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 5>>\ <<goto "win5">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 6>>\ <<goto "win6">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 7>>\ <<goto "win7">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 8>>\ <<goto "win8">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 9>>\ <<goto "win9">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 10>>\ <<goto "win10">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 11>>\ <<goto "win11">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 12>>\ <<goto "win12">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 13>>\ <<goto "win13">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 14>>\ <<goto "win14">>\ <</if>>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<set $dice = random($accuracy,6)>>\ <<set $enemydamage = random(1,$atk) + $level>>\ <<if $dice gte $accuracy>>\ <<set $ehp -= $enemydamage>>\ <<if $ehp lte 0>>\ <<set $ehp = 0>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ Attack deals $enemydamage damage! You win!<br> [[Continue|gotowin]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ Attack deals $enemydamage damage!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ Attack missed!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<set $dice = random(1,6)>>\ <<set $enemydamage = random(1,6)>>\ <<if $dice lte $speed>>\ <<set $damagecalc = $enemydamage - $def>>\ <<if $damagecalc lte 0>>\ <<set $damagecalc = 0>>\ <</if>>\ <<set $hp -= $damagecalc>>\ <<if $hp lte 0>>\ <<set $hp = 0>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You take $damagecalc damage! You are dead!<br> [[Continue|gotodead]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You take $damagecalc damage!<br> [[Attack]] <<if $shipfight == 1>>\ <<link `"Fire Torpedo (x" + $torpedo + ")"` "Fire Torpedo">><</link>> <<link `"Repair Ship (x" + $repair + ")"` "Repair Ship">><</link>> <<else>>\ <<link `"Throw Thermal Pod (x" + $thermalpod + ")"` "Throw Thermal Pod">><</link>> <<link `"Eat Pizza (x" + $pizza + ")"` "Eat Pizza">><</link>> <</if>>\ <</if>>\ <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ <<print either("Dodged","Evaded","Avoided")>> enemy attack!<br> [[Attack]] <<if $shipfight == 1>>\ <<link `"Fire Torpedo (x" + $torpedo + ")"` "Fire Torpedo">><</link>> <<link `"Repair Ship (x" + $repair + ")"` "Repair Ship">><</link>> <<else>>\ <<link `"Throw Thermal Pod (x" + $thermalpod + ")"` "Throw Thermal Pod">><</link>> <<link `"Eat Pizza (x" + $pizza + ")"` "Eat Pizza">><</link>> <</if>>\ <</if>>\ </div>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ You died.<br> [[Try again|Fight]] <<set $hp = $maxhp>>\ </div>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ What do you want to do?<br> [[Attack]] <<link `"Throw Thermal Pod (x" + $thermalpod + ")"` "Throw Thermal Pod">><</link>> <<link `"Eat Pizza (x" + $pizza + ")"` "Eat Pizza">><</link>> </div>\What kind of armor do you wear?<br> <<if visited("Dude")>>\ [[Loincloth]] <<else>>\ [[Chainmail Bikini]] <</if>>\ [[Fuzonian Battle Harness]]Wormholes to alternate dimensions aren’t just lying around for anyone to stumble upon. That’s not to say they’re impossible to find- just that sometimes it takes a little digging to uncover them.<br> [[Next|aksfgksdikg]]<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<if $thermalpod gte 1>>\ <<set $thermalpod -= 1>>\ <<set $ehp -= random(3,6) + $level>>\ <<if $ehp lte 0>>\ <<set $ehp = 0>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You melt the enemy with a Thermal Pod! You win!<br> [[Continue|gotowin]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You melt the enemy with a Thermal Pod!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You don't have any Thermal Pods!<br> [[Next|yourturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\Who are you?<br> [[I'm a hairy beefcake!|Dude]] [[I'm a sexy space babe!|Chick]]<<set $weapon = "Ray Gun">>\ <<set $$accuracy -= 1>>\ The Ray Gun increases your accuracy in combat.<br> [[Next|Next]]<<set $weapon = "Star Sword">>\ <<set $atk += 1>>\ The Star Sword deals extra damage in combat.<br> [[Next|Next]]<<set $armor = "Loincloth">>\ <<set $speed += 1>>\ A Loincloth increases your speed in combat.<br> [[Next|startit]]<<set $armor = "Chainmail Bikini">>\ <<set $speed += 1>>\ A Chainmail Bikini increases your speed in combat.<br> [[Next|startit]]<<set $armor = "Fuzonian Battle Harness">>\ <<set $def += 1>>\ A Fuzonian Battle Harness increases your defense in combat.<br> [[Next|startit]]Rad. What weapon do you fight monsters with?<br> [[Ray Gun]] [[Star Sword]]Rad. What weapon do you fight monsters with?<br> [[Ray Gun]] [[Star Sword]]<<if $header == 1>>\ <div class="myDiv">\ <span class='no'>\ <div style="text-align: center;">\ <<link "Back">><<run Engine.backward()>><</link>> | <<link "Save">><<script>>UI.saves()<</script>><</link>> | [[Restart][state.restart()]] </div>\ </span>\ </div> <</if>>\That’s how you found yourself knee-deep in this pit, covered in sweat and shoveling huge piles of sand back over your shoulder. By all the gods, you shouldn’t even be here! But the war has taken a turn for the worst and the future looks bleak.<br> [[Next|sigiuug]]The Shyfters have launched massive assaults on planets all across the universe. Entire solar systems have been annihilated by their armadas. The Alliance is crumbling, your armies have been crippled, and all hope of victory has faded. Many of your friends are either dead or enslaved by the vicious star beasts. This wormhole is your final option.<br> [[Sit down and give up]] [[Keep digging]]You sit down and wipe the sweat from your eyes. It’s no use. You’ve already dug half a dozen holes in this area and the desert stretches on for miles! You’ll never find the location of the hidden wormhole.<br> [[Next|aiosoigo]]You spend the rest of the afternoon digging. The heat nearly causes you to pass out, but you refuse to give up. The wormhole must be around here somewhere! After digging a few more holes you toss aside the shovel and sit down to catch your breath.<br> [[Next|aiosoigo]]A dark shadow falls over you, blocking out the glare of the six suns. You squint up at the towering figure standing before you. The creature looks like a mechanical triceratops.<br> [[I never expected to find you out here.]] [[Care to join me? I was just getting ready to wallow in despair.]]MECHANOX: I’m on my way to the 11th Dimension. Word on the street is they’ve got some of the finest pizza shops in the multiverse on the 3rd moon of Vorg Prime.<br> [[You’re going to the 11th Dimension? I was just looking for the wormhole that would take me there!]] [[I’m a simple barbarian, Mechanox. If you say this place has good pizza, I’m there.]]MECHANOX: I’m on my way to the 11th Dimension. Word on the street is they’ve got some of the finest pizza shops in the multiverse on the 3rd moon of Vorg Prime.<br> [[You’re going to the 11th Dimension? I was just looking for the wormhole that would take me there!]] [[I’m a simple barbarian, Mechanox. If you say this place has good pizza, I’m there.]]MECHANOX: You’ll be looking all day if you keep digging holes over there. The wormhole is hidden under this big rock.<br> [[Next|fsigf9s]]Mechanox picks up a rock the size of a wooly mammoth and tosses it aside like a pebble. Sure enough, the unsettling glow of a wormhole shimmers beneath.<br> [[Ohh... so that's where the wormhole was...]] [[Show off.]]Mechanox picks up a rock the size of a wooly mammoth and tosses it aside like a pebble. Sure enough, the unsettling glow of a wormhole shimmers beneath.<br> [[I would have found it... eventually.]] [[Show off.]]MECHANOX: You seem ill-equipped for traveling through this particular wormhole, barbarian. On the other side you’ll find yourself floating aimlessly through space. Take this capsule. Once you pass through the wormhole, press the big red button. Then you should have no problem traveling through the cosmic void of the 11th Dimension.<br> [[You’re a lifesaver, Mechanox.]] [[Thanks, pal. I don’t know what I’d do without you.]]MECHANOX: You seem ill-equipped for traveling through this particular wormhole, barbarian. On the other side you’ll find yourself floating aimlessly through space. Take this capsule. Once you pass through the wormhole, press the big red button. Then you should have no problem traveling through the cosmic void of the 11th Dimension.<br> [[You’re a lifesaver, Mechanox.]] [[Thanks, pal. I don’t know what I’d do without you.]]MECHANOX: Don’t mention it. See you in another life, barbarian.<br> [[Next|asfgsf]]MECHANOX: Don’t mention it. See you in another life, barbarian.<br> [[Next|asfgsf]]Mechanox casually steps into the wormhole and vanishes. After a moment of hesitation you do the same.<br> [[Next|sigoog]]There is a sudden flash of light, then total darkness. Your body feels as though it is being sucked down a tube. You feel your stomach lurch like a ship at sea and suddenly you find yourself drifting through space, floating past half a dozen ringed planets and fiery blue stars.<br> [[Press the big red button]] [[Suffocate and die]]You press the big red button. Suddenly the capsule you’re holding transforms into a joystick. A tiny starship builds itself out from the joystick, surrounding you and encasing you inside the air-filled protection of the cockpit.<br> [[Next|asif]]Your eyes bulge out of your head as you float through the airless nothingness of space. You try to gulp in air, but there is none to be found. Your head compresses in on itself and suddenly explodes like a Halloween pumpkin being smashed on pavement. YOU ARE DEAD.Dimensional travel can be unnerving, but at the moment you are running out of options. If you aren’t able to gather new allies, the Shyfters will surely conquer the universe. That is why you’ve come here- to forge an alliance with the Knights of Fuzonia.<br> [[Next|asosofo]]Back in your dimension, the Fuzonians are a primitive people. They fight with rocks and sharpened sticks, with the occasional dagger made of bone. They have no standing army and are pretty useless in a fight, especially when that fight is against an army with starships and ray guns.<br> [[Next|askgflf]]But the Fuzonians in the 11th Dimension are different. These people are a warlike race led by a powerful princess. Their combat prowess is revered throughout the multiverse. Even the mighty Andraxxans would think twice before picking a fight with the Knights of Fuzonia.<br> [[Next|asoogsog]]And so you find yourself hurtling toward the mysterious purple planet, hoping to secure their friendship and bring their military expertise into the war against the Shyfters. If you’re unable to convince them to join your cause, the Shyfters will surely win.<br> [[Next|aosfosogso]]An alarm begins to blare as your ship jumps out of subspace. You can see Fuzonia in the distance, but it has been completely surrounded by a blockade of Shyfter ships! They’re trying to bombard the planet into submission!<br> [[Break through the blockade and land on the planet’s surface]] [[Dock with the Shyfter mothership and destroy it from within]]You zoom past the massive starships and weave your way through the blockade. The planet's surface is in sight, but suddenly an explosion knocks your ship off course. You check your radar screen and notice a squadron of Shyfter fighter jets pursuing you at top speed! They swoop in and open fire.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $shipfight = 1>>\ <<set $state = 5>>\You force your ship to do a barrel roll to avoid incoming enemy fire as you hurtle toward their mothership. Dozens of enemy ships swoop in and attempt to block your path!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 1>>\ <<set $shipfight = 1>>\MECHANOX: You seem ill-equipped for traveling through this particular wormhole, barbarian. On the other side you’ll find yourself floating aimlessly through space. Take this capsule. Once you pass through the wormhole, press the big red button. Then you should have no problem traveling through the cosmic void of the 11th Dimension.<br> [[You’re a lifesaver, Mechanox.]] [[Thanks, pal. I don’t know what I’d do without you.]]<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<if $torpedo gte 1>>\ <<set $torpedo -= 1>>\ <<set $ehp -= random(3,6) + $level>>\ <<if $ehp lte 0>>\ <<set $ehp = 0>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You blast the enemy with a Torpedo! You win!<br> [[Continue|gotowin]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You blast the enemy with a Torpedo!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You don't have any Torpedos!<br> [[Next|yourturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<if $repair gte 1>>\ <<set $repair -= 1>>\ <<set $hp = $maxhp>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ Ship repaired!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You don't have any repair kits!<br> [[Next|yourturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\You blast your way through the enemy starships and zip into the hangar bay of the mothership. You leap out of your tiny little space craft, but a battalion of Shyfters surrounds you! They begin morphing into dinosaurs and giant flying machine guns!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 2>>\You defeat the Shyfters and scan the hangar bay. You notice a ventilation shaft in the far wall. You could try to sneak through that. There is also a large open cargo bay door leading deeper into the mothership to your right.<br> [[Crawl through the vents]] [[Sneak through the cargo bay doors]]You climb into the ventilation shaft and begin crawling through the hollow metal corridors. You can hear the sound of voices echoing from up ahead. Twisting your way through the tight passageways, you finally arrive at an air vent which allows you to see down into the chamber below. Dozens of Shyfters are standing guard over a group of Fuzonian prisoners.<br> [[Next|nlnfidi]]You rush through the cargo bay doors and follow one of the brightly-lit corridors. You can hear the sound of voices echoing from up ahead. Twisting your way through the narrow passageways, you finally arrive at what appears to be a holding cell. Dozens of Shyfters are standing guard over a group of Fuzonian prisoners.<br> [[Next|nlnfidddi]]FUZONIAN: You won’t get away with this! When the princess learns of what you’ve done-<br> [[Next|sfgdigifo]]SHYFTER: Be silent, you insufferable wretch! Your pathetic planet will soon fall to our power! Not even your beloved princess has any hope of defeating the awesome might of the Shyfters!<br> [[Kick through the vent and rescue the Fuzonians]] [[Ignore them and continue on your way]]You kick through the vent and drop down into the room below. The gathered Shyfters whirl around in surprise.<br> [[Hello there!]] [[Am I late for the barbecue?|Hello there!]]You ignore the prisoners and continue on your way through the vents. You locate an exit hatch at the far end of the shaft and kick your way out into an empty passageway. After checking to make sure you haven't been spotted, you sprint down the corridor in what you hope is the direction of the main control room.<br> [[Next|sodfoih]]SHYFTER: You! Your existence continues to plague our evil plans. But no matter! You will never get off this ship alive! The rest of you- with me! Kill the barbarian!<br> [[Next|jgs7jjdjd]]The Shyfters transform into giant spiders with razor blades for hands and attack!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 3>>\You leave the Shyfters lying in a mangled heap of metal and slime. The imprisoned Fuzonians are now free.<br> [[Get off this ship as soon as you can. I’m going to destroy it and break through this blockade.]] [[Does anyone know where I can find the control room?]]The Fuzonians thank you for your assistance and flee down one of the passageways. You exit the room and sprint down a random corridor in what you hope is the direction of the main control room.<br> [[Next|sodfoih]]FUZONIAN: The control room is at the far end of that corridor. Follow it straight to the end and you’ll run right into it.<br> [[Thanks. Now get off this ship as fast as you can. I’m going to destroy it and break through this blockade.]]The Fuzonians thank you for your assistance and flee down one of the passageways. You exit the room and sprint down the corridor in the direction of the main control room.<br> [[Next|sodfoih]]You skitter to a halt just outside a large metal doorway. The sign above says “CONTROL ROOM. AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.” You’re about to enter when suddenly the doors swish open on their own. A battalion of Shyfters blocks your path.<br> [[More of you? Don’t any of you guys ever run away? Surely my reputation for ripping through armies of Shyfters like paper precedes me?]] [[Any chance you guys are traitors to the Shyfter alliance and want to team up with me?|More of you? Don’t any of you guys ever run away? Surely my reputation for ripping through armies of Shyfters like paper precedes me?]]SHYFTER: Your head will fetch us enough spacebucks to purchase an entire planet! Not that we’ll need the reward... Once the armada conquers the universe we’ll be able to steal any planet we want!<br> [[I guess that means we’re doing this the hard way...|That was your only chance to get off this ship alive. Now you guys are toast!]] [[That was your only chance to get off this ship alive. Now you guys are toast!]]The Shyfters morph into gorillas with laser beam eyes and chainsaw hands!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 4>>\You leap over the smoldering carcasses of the dead Shyfters and race into the control room. The pilots and technicians flee before you. Looking around, you spot the main control console, an emergency weapons stash, and a personnel warp station.<br> [[Crash the ship into the planet’s surface and warp away before impact]] [[Use the explosives from the weapons stash to destroy the control panel and warp away from the exploding vessel]]You press a bunch of random buttons on the control panel. Alarms begin to blare and you watch through the windows as dozens of escape pods are launched away from the ship. Suddenly the massive starship begins to plummet towards the planet's surface. You pull back on the throttle and snap it off, ensuring that no one will be able to adjust course when you leave.<br> [[Next|s63y]]You grab a handful of explosive charges and set them all around the control room. As soon as everything is in place you set the countdown timer for 30 seconds and sprint to the warp station. You punch in the code for the surface of Fuzonia and warp out of existence.<br> [[Next|y74fjgkd]]You materialize on the surface of Fuzonia a few moments later. Looking up, you can see dozens of Shyfter warships in low orbit over the planet. You squint into the sun, searching for the largest ship. A few seconds later the sky lights up with the flash of a brilliant explosion. The explosion of the mothership causes a chain reaction- all of the other ships in orbit around the planet begin to explode one by one.<br> [[Next|fsksoao]]The Fuzonians will no longer have to worry about the Shyfter blockade. Satisfied with your handiwork, you begin to survey your surroundings. You spot the Fuzonian capital city of Duskanna floating in the distance. You leap onto the back of a nearby sky shark and zoom towards the floating city.<br> [[Next|f0hg8i3kl]]You don't make it far before the sound of battle draws your attention. Laser fire erupts from one of the nearby trenches, followed by shouting and a small explosion. You steer your sky shark towards the commotion.<br> [[Next|fssl]]FUZONIAN: You won’t get away with this! When the princess learns of what you’ve done-<br> [[Next|sfgdigifodd]]SHYFTER: Be silent, you insufferable wretch! Your pathetic planet will soon fall to our power! Not even your beloved princess has any hope of defeating the awesome might of the Shyfters!<br> [[Burst into the room and rescue the Fuzonians]] [[Ignore them and continue on your way|way2]]You rush into the room. The gathered Shyfters whirl around in surprise.<br> [[Hello there!]] [[Am I late for the barbecue?|Hello there!]]You ignore the prisoners and continue on your way through the ship. After a few more minutes you arrive at an open cross-way. After checking to make sure you haven't been spotted, you sprint down the corridor in what you hope is the direction of the main control room.<br> [[Next|sodfoih]]Now that the mothership is set on a direct collision course with the planet, you sprint to the warp station. You punch in the code for the surface of Fuzonia and warp out of existence.<br> [[Next|y74fjgkddd]]You materialize on the surface of Fuzonia a few moments later. Looking up, you can see dozens of Shyfter warships in low orbit over the planet. You watch as the massive mothership crushes through several smaller ships and smashes into the ground several miles away.<br> [[Next|sdfs99]]The world lights up with the flash of a brilliant explosion and you're thrown off your feet from the power of the crash, despite your distance from the impact. The explosion of the mothership causes a chain reaction- all of the other ships in orbit around the planet begin to explode one by one.<br> [[Next|fsksoao]]You destroy the enemy ships and fly towards the planet's surface, but the enemy has mounted anti-air cannons in low orbit. The cannons open fire and your ship is hit! You spiral out of control and crash land on the surface of the planet.<br> [[Next|skgsdg]]You scan your surroundings. It doesn't look like the Shyfters have followed you. As you continue to survey the area, you spot the Fuzonian capital city of Duskanna floating in the distance. You leap onto the back of a nearby sky shark and zoom towards the floating city.<br> [[Next|f0hg8i3kl]]You spot half a dozen Fuzonian warriors pinned down by machine gun fire behind one of the rocky outcroppings. A battalion of Shyfter troops is bearing down on them. Now is your chance to prove yourself to the Fuzonians! Destroy the Shyfters and rescue those trapped soldiers!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 6>>\You destroy the Shyfters with your awesome kung fu moves. The awestruck Fuzonians watch as your impressive figure emerges from the smoking wreckage of the twisted Shyfter husks.<br> [[Am I good or what?]] [[Never fear, my good Fuzonians! I have come to rescue you!|Am I good or what?]]The leader of the Fuzonian warriors steps forward and spits at your feet.<br> [[Next|fgrgieogjeohji]]PRINCESS VULMA: Another pathetic barbarian come to save us and beg for our aid in the war against the Shyfters? When will this nightmare end?<br> [[What are you talking about?]] [[I’m not the first barbarian to ask for your help in the war?|What are you talking about?]]PRINCESS VULMA: I’ll tell you the same thing I told all the others: I won’t involve my knights in this war. We’re staying out of it.<br> [[Staying out of it? But the Shyfters are attacking your planet!]] [[Who are these others you keep talking about?]]PRINCESS VULMA: And we will die defending it if need be! But I will not commit my knights to further action. We are sworn to protect Fuzonia, not the galaxy, the universe, or the multiverse. The Knights of Fuzonia will remain neutral in this conflict.<br> [[Isn’t there anything I can do to convince you to help us?]] [[Without your help... All hope is lost.]]PRINCESS VULMA: Fools like you, eager to drag Fuzonia into a pointless war! Hear me, barbarian: I will not commit my knights to further action. We are sworn to protect Fuzonia, not the galaxy, the universe, or the multiverse. The Knights of Fuzonia will remain neutral in this conflict.<br> [[Isn’t there anything I can do to convince you to help us?]] [[Without your help... All hope is lost.]]PRINCESS VULMA: (Sigh) I gave all those other barbarians a chance to prove themselves but as far as I know they were all killed. I suppose I’ll give you the same terms.<br> [[Next|sdihdi]]PRINCESS VULMA: Not this sad story again... (Sigh) Fine. I gave all those other barbarians a chance to prove themselves but as far as I know they were all killed. I suppose I’ll give you the same terms.<br> [[Next|sdihdi]]PRINCESS VULMA: It is hidden on Raja-Kal, Fuzonia’s 3rd moon. The weapon is protected by a powerful energy shield. We have had no success in bringing the shield down- nor have any of your barbarian friends, from the looks of it.<br> [[I’ll bring down that shield and destroy the super weapon.]] [[I don’t know who those other barbarians were, but they sound like a bunch of mammoth-brained bozos. I will succeed where all others have failed.]]PRINCESS VULMA: If we knew how to do that, we wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation, would we?<br> [[Where is the super weapon?]]The Fuzonians roll their eyes and shrug their shoulders. They invite you to follow them to the city of Duskanna where they will feast on pizza and discuss the best way to reach Raja-Kal undetected.<br> [[Next|fodidkslwk]]The Fuzonians roll their eyes and shrug their shoulders. They invite you to follow them to the city of Duskanna where they will feast on pizza and discuss the best way to reach Raja-Kal undetected.<br> [[Next|fodidkslwk]]After gorging yourselves on pizza and fries from The Molten Anchovy, you and the gathered Fuzonian knights gather in an old arcade lounge to discuss your plans for taking down the super weapon.<br> [[Next|sdfgsdf]]PRINCESS VULMA: The Shyfters have created a super weapon capable of annihilating an entire star fleet. As a result, we’ve been unable to mount an effective resistance against their armada.<br> [[Next|sd9sd9h9]]PRINCESS VULMA: If you can take out that super weapon then MAYBE the Knights of Fuzonia will reconsider their position on this multi-dimensional war you're so intent on waging.<br> [[Where is the super weapon?]] [[How do I destroy the super weapon?]]PRINCESS VULMA: Settle down, everyone! Eyes front, please. I am well aware that Dejah is about to break the world record on that old Starfreaks game, but we can’t spend all night watching her play. We have important business to discuss!<br> [[I hold the high score in Starfreaks where I come from!]] [[How am I supposed to get to Fuzonia’s 3rd moon if it’s been turned into a Shyfter base protected by an invincible super weapon?]]PRINCESS VULMA: Barbarian! Pay attention because this is important. My knights have discovered two possible means of traveling to Raja-Kal. The first is to fly in on an abandoned Shyfter shuttle we managed to capture during the early stages of their invasion of Fuzonia.<br> [[Next|sdfg78e]]PRINCESS VULMA: It will be a difficult task to be sure, but not an impossible one. My knights have discovered two possible means of traveling to Raja-Kal. The first is to fly in on an abandoned Shyfter shuttle we managed to capture during the early stages of their invasion of Fuzonia.<br> [[Next|sdfg78e]]PRINCESS VULMA: The second option is surely the more dangerous of the two: on the far side of Fuzonia there is a teleportation device that can instantly beam you to any destination in this sector. Teleporting to Raja-Kal would be instantaneous.<br> [[Next|asgosdfo]]PRINCESS VULMA: The Ikkagu is a big lizard with razor sharp fangs and claws. It has a long deadly tail and can rip open the hull of a starship with a single bite!<br> [[I’ll take my chances with the shuttle. Hopefully those identification codes are still valid.]] [[I’m going through the teleporter. If the Ikkagu stands in my way I’ll crush its skull.]]PRINCESS VULMA: Very well. A few of my knights have volunteered to join you on this mission. I'm sending my best pilot to fly the shuttle, but don't expect them to stick around long.<br> [[Next|fsi9s]]PRINCESS VULMA: Very well. A few of my knights have volunteered to join you on this mission. They will accompany you to the teleporter, but don't expect them to follow you any further.<br> [[Next|fsi9sddd]]PRINCESS VULMA: We have the identification codes belonging to the shuttle in our possession, but the obvious risk is that the codes are no longer valid.<br> [[Next|saig83ue3jjdkgff]]PRINCESS VULMA: There’s just one problem: the teleporter is located in a long abandoned cave. According to our most recent scouting reports, that cave is now home to an Ikkagu.<br> [[Ikkagu?]] [[I’ll take my chances with the shuttle. Hopefully those identification codes are still valid.]] [[I’m going through the teleporter. If the Ikkagu stands in my way I’ll crush its skull.]]You find yourself sitting in a comfy chair situated before a large computer console. You push the joystick forward and your ship zooms into the wild technicolor of subspace.<br> [[Next|aofgoofpp]]A beautiful young woman is frantically mashing buttons on a colorful arcade cabinet in the corner. The gathered Fuzonian warriors are mesmerized by the flashing lights and 8-bit boops emitting from the game.<br> [[Next|sa3hjgror9rr]]A group of Fuzonian warriors bow to you.<br> [[Return the bow]] [[Fart uncomfortably]]GOLMAR: Please follow us to the shuttle, barbarian. We will depart for Raja-Kal immediately.<br> [[Next|sldkflskg]]The Fuzonians wrinkle their noses in disgust.<br> [[Next|sdfgosdgf]]GOLMAR: Please follow us to the shuttle, barbarian. We will depart for Raja-Kal immediately.<br> [[Next|sldkflskg]]The Fuzonians lead you out of the arcade lounge and into an old hangar bay. The Shyfter shuttle stands out like a sore thumb amidst the odd flying devices used by the people of Fuzonia.<br> [[Next|fgs889]]Suddenly you hear a scream from behind you. You spin around and see one of the Fuzonian knights being eaten alive by Space Garbans!<br> [[This blasted ship is infested with Space Garbans!]] [[Hold still! I'll get those buggers off you!|This blasted ship is infested with Space Garbans!]]You follow your team up the boarding ramp and strap yourselves in. A moment later the pilot hits the ignition and the shuttle zooms out of the hangar and into the blinding light of the twin suns.<br> [[Next|sd98g9ds]]FUZONIAN PILOT: Space Garbans!? You must destroy them immediately! Those things eat through metal! Keep them away from the cockpit- if they eat the control panel we're doomed!<br> [[I'm not letting them get anywhere near the controls!]] [[I could use a little warm-up before I pummel those rotten Shyfters!|I'm not letting them get anywhere near the controls!]]You leap out of your seat and attack the Space Garbans.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 7>>\You destroy the Space Garbans with barely a second to spare. Unfortunately, the pilot was eaten alive by the little beasts! You smash the final Space Garban into purple goo and an instant later the ship's radio crackles to life. You shove the dead pilot out of the way and assume command of the ship.<br> [[Next|asfgsdlg]]RADIO: ...bzzt... Please identify yourself. We do not have any record of your shuttle on our docking manifesto.<br> [[We had a Garban outbreak on our craft. Requesting emergency landing permission! Our shuttle is in dire need of repairs!]] [[We've been re-routed to your station for resupply. Shouldn't take long, we'll be in and out before you know it.]]RADIO: Negative! Re-locate to the Quarantine Zone! I repeat, do not land on this station! Your ship must be cleansed of the Garban infestation.<br> [[Don't worry, I took care of it.]] [[There's no time! The Garbans ate my controls! We're coming in hot!]]RADIO: Re-supply? What's your cargo? Give me your identification number.<br> [[We're carrying fusion torpedoes to the 9th Sector. Identification number 916-528.]] [[My crew is getting hungry. We need to pick up some pizza! You can call me Eagle Fang Six. Um... Six, Three, One, Two... Two?]]RADIO: Roger that. You are cleared for landing, Eagle Fang. We'll have a box of pizza ready for you on the landing platform when you arrive.<br> [[You're a lifesaver! See ya in a few!]] [[Roger that. Initiating landing sequence.|You're a lifesaver! See ya in a few!]]You steer the shuttle towards the moon base. The shield protecting the base drops momentarily, allowing you to enter the area. Suddenly a non-Shyfter aircraft swoops in and begins firing at you. One of the laser blasts rips through your ship, sending you into a death spiral. You try to maintain control but it's no use. Your ship crashes into the surface of the moon.<br> [[Next|skfdgks]]RADIO: You are not authorized to cleanse a shuttle. Only personnel from the Quarantine Zone can certify your ship for clearance. Do not approach this station!<br> [[Ignore the radio and land on the station]] [[Turn the ship around and fly away]]RADIO: Do not approach this station or you will be shot down!<br> [[Ignore the radio and land on the station]] [[Turn the ship around and fly away]]You switch off the radio and fly towards the station. Suddenly a non-Shyfter aircraft swoops in and begins firing at you. One of the laser blasts rips through your ship, sending you into a death spiral. You try to maintain control but it's no use. Your ship crashes into the surface of the moon.<br> [[Next|skfdgks]]You turn your shuttle around and begin to fly away from the base. Suddenly a non-Shyfter aircraft swoops in and begins firing at you. One of the laser blasts rips through your ship, sending you into a death spiral. You try to maintain control but it's no use. Your ship crashes into the surface of the moon.<br> [[Next|skfdgks]]Your body smashes through the windshield and you go tumbling through the dirt. The last thing you see before the darkness takes you is the smoldering wreckage of your ship.<br> [[Next|sdkfgsgl]]Someone slaps you in the face. You groggily open your eyes, willing the world around you to come into focus. You blink several times and see a hand reaching down in front of your face. You grasp the hand and it pulls you to your feet.<br> [[Next|sfdkgsdf]]<<if visited("Dude")>>\ You find yourself standing face to face with a sexy barbarian chick. You’re positive you’ve never seen her before, but there is something strikingly familiar about her eyes.<br> [[Have we met before?]] [[Do I know you?]] <<else>>\ You find yourself standing face to face with a hunky barbarian dude. You’re positive you’ve never seen him before, but there is something strikingly familiar about his eyes.<br> [[Have we met before?]] [[Do I know you?]] <</if>>\A group of Fuzonian warriors bow to you.<br> [[Return the bow|99999]] [[Fart uncomfortably|888888]]GOLMAR: Please follow us to the teleporter, barbarian. We will depart immediately.<br> [[Next|sldkflsddkg]]The Fuzonians wrinkle their noses in disgust.<br> [[Next|sdfgosdddgf]]GOLMAR: Please follow us to the teleporter, barbarian. We will depart immediately.<br> [[Next|sldkflsddkg]]The Fuzonian knights lead you through the shadowy trenches and vast canyons of Fuzonia. After several hours of hard travel you finally arrive at the entrance to a cave. You can hear the sound of heavy breathing coming from within.<br> [[I think the Ikkagu is asleep. Let’s rush in and get through the teleporter before it wakes up.]] [[We should lure the Ikkagu out of the cave. It will be easier to fight it out here in the open.]]GOLMAR: I am sorry, barbarian, but this is as far as we go. You’re on your own from here.<br> [[I understand. Tell your princess I’ll shut that super weapon down on my own!]] [[Dirty cowards! Who needs you, anyway?]]GOLMAR: I am sorry, barbarian, but this is as far as we go. You’re on your own from here.<br> [[I understand. Tell your princess I’ll shut that super weapon down on my own!]] [[Dirty cowards! Who needs you, anyway?]]<<if visited("I think the Ikkagu is asleep. Let’s rush in and get through the teleporter before it wakes up.")>>\ The Fuzonians bow and depart. You grit your teeth as your gaze settles on the entrance of the cave. You glance around the canyon briefly to ensure that nothing will impede your progress. You take a deep breath and creep stealthily into the cave.<br> [[Next|sfg0sd8gur]] <<else>>\ The Fuzonians bow and depart. You grit your teeth as your gaze settles on the entrance of the cave. You fill your lungs with air and bellow a terrifying challenge that echoes throughout the canyons. For a moment all is silent. Then the ground begins to rumble. Boom. Boom. Boom.<br> [[Next|sd9fgs90]] <</if>>\<<if visited("I think the Ikkagu is asleep. Let’s rush in and get through the teleporter before it wakes up.")>>\ The Fuzonians shrug their shoulders and depart. You grit your teeth as your gaze settles on the entrance of the cave. You glance around the canyon briefly to ensure that nothing will impede your progress. You take a deep breath and creep stealthily into the cave.<br> [[Next|sfg0sd8gur]] <<else>>\ The Fuzonians shrug their shoulders and depart. You grit your teeth as your gaze settles on the entrance of the cave. You fill your lungs with air and bellow a terrifying challenge that echoes throughout the canyons. For a moment all is silent. Then the ground begins to rumble. Boom. Boom. Boom.<br> [[Next|sd9fgs90]] <</if>>\A massive figure emerges from the cave. You drop into a fighting stance as the monstrous Ikkagu steps into the sunlight. The beast flexes its powerful claws and unleashes a heart-stopping roar as it meets your gaze. Suddenly the Ikkagu charges forward and attacks!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 8>>\The floor of the cave is littered with the skeletal remains of dozens of Fuzonian creatures, big and small. You tread carefully, doing your best not to step on any of the scattered bones which might alert the Ikkagu to your presence.<br> [[Next|sdf0g9sd0ee]]An eerie blue glow emanates from up ahead. You follow the light and are dazzled by the sight of the ancient teleportation device glittering before you. But your heart catches in your throat- the Ikkagu is sleeping right in your path, as if it were huddling close to the teleporter for warmth.<br> [[Throw a loompa skull at the Ikkagu]] [[Attempt to climb over the Ikkagu]]You pick up a fractured loompa skull and toss it at the Ikkagu. The skull shatters into dust as it smashes into the super predator’s iron-like hide. The Ikkagu snuffles in its sleep, then heaves an irritated breath. It opens a single eye and glares at you.<br> [[Make faces at the Ikkagu]] [[Run away!]]You begin to climb over the Ikkagu, gripping the super predator’s iron-like hide and using the pebbled skin for hand- and foot-holds. The Ikkagu snuffles in its sleep, then heaves an irritated breath. It opens a single eye and glares at you.<br> [[Make faces at the Ikkagu]] [[Run away!]]You make silly faces at the monster. Fire flashes in the beast’s eyes and an instant later it’s on its feet. The Ikkagu roars in your face. You almost pass out from the smell of the brute’s stinky, hot breath, but you manage to steady yourself. The Ikkagu charges forward and attacks!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 9>>\You turn to run, but the Ikkagu springs to its feet and cuts off your exit! The Ikkagu roars in your face. You almost pass out from the smell of the brute’s stinky, hot breath, but you manage to steady yourself. The Ikkagu charges forward and attacks!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 9>>\You scramble over the Ikkagu's body and rush inside the cave, fearful that the sounds of your battle might have drawn more unwanted attention. Fortunately all seems quiet.<br> [[Next|asfkgks]]You scramble over the Ikkagu's body and rush to the teleporter, fearful that the sounds of your battle might have drawn more unwanted attention. Fortunately all seems quiet. You don't waste any time- you rush ahead and leap through the teleporter.<br> [[Next|sdfigis]]You find yourself standing on the surface of Fuzonia's 3rd moon. You can see the purple planet dominating the sky above you. Just ahead you can see the Shyfter base... and it is indeed protected by a powerful energy shield.<br> [[Next|salgkfslg]]The floor of the cave is littered with the skeletal remains of dozens of Fuzonian creatures, big and small. An eerie blue glow emanates from up ahead. You follow the light and are dazzled by the sight of the ancient teleportation device glittering before you. You don't waste any time- you rush ahead and leap through the teleporter.<br> [[Next|sdfigis]]A heart-stopping shriek fills the air. You spin around and watch as a non-Shyfter aircraft swoops in and begins firing at you. You begin to run, searching for cover, but a spray of laser bolts and explosions sends you flying through the air.<br> [[Next|asggsl]]Your body smashes through a large rock and you go tumbling through the dirt. The last thing you see before the darkness takes you is the smoldering wreckage of the Shyfter base.<br> [[Next|sdkfgsgl]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Technically, I guess... I’m you!<br> [[You’re... me?]] [[Is this some kind of joke?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Well, of course you know me. I’m you!<br> [[You’re... me?]] [[Is this some kind of joke?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: In a manner of speaking. I'm... uh... I'm a version of you. I'm the version of you from the 23rd dimension. <br> [[I must have hit my head pretty hard. This makes no sense.]] [[Mechanox warned me this might happen...]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: It’s no joke. I’m you. At least... I’m one version of you. I’m the version of you from the 23rd dimension. <br> [[I must have hit my head pretty hard. This makes no sense.]] [[Mechanox warned me this might happen...]]<<if visited("Dude")>>\ 23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I gotta say, I look hot as a guy! Is it weird to be attracted to myself? Because you’re sexy. I mean, I’m sexy. We’re sexy? Whatever. Nice to meet you.<br> [[You seem very calm about this whole thing. This isn’t the first time you’ve run into another version of me... er... us? Is it?]] [[I’m not flirting with myself. I’ve got a job to do.]] <<else>>\ 23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I gotta say, I look hot as a chick! Is it weird to be attracted to myself? Because you’re sexy. I mean, I’m sexy. We’re sexy? Whatever. Nice to meet you.<br> [[You seem very calm about this whole thing. This isn’t the first time you’ve run into another version of me... er... us? Is it?]] [[I’m not flirting with myself. I’ve got a job to do.]] <</if>>\<<if visited("Dude")>>\ 23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I gotta say, I look hot as a guy! Is it weird to be attracted to myself? Because you’re sexy. I mean, I’m sexy. We’re sexy? Whatever. Nice to meet you.<br> [[You seem very calm about this whole thing. This isn’t the first time you’ve run into another version of me... er... us? Is it?]] [[I’m not flirting with myself. I’ve got a job to do.]] <<else>>\ 23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I gotta say, I look hot as a chick! Is it weird to be attracted to myself? Because you’re sexy. I mean, I’m sexy. We’re sexy? Whatever. Nice to meet you.<br> [[You seem very calm about this whole thing. This isn’t the first time you’ve run into another version of me... er... us? Is it?]] [[I’m not flirting with myself. I’ve got a job to do.]] <</if>>\23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I think you're the 8th or 9th version of us I've encountered. Unfortunately all of the other ones died horribly.<br> [[Next|How many others were there?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I know you do. So did all the others. And guess what, buckaroo? They all died. All the ones who tried to do what you’re about to do, anyway.<br> [[How many others were there?]] [[I’m not a wimpling like those other fools!]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Let’s see... our 8th dimension self was incinerated by the energy shield last week. The week before that I watched the 4th, 15th, and 86th dimension versions get fed to an Ikkagu one by one.<br> [[Next|skgfsk]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Trust me, they weren't wimplings either. Each one of them took out hundreds of Shyfters before they went down. But in the end, they all died horribly.<br> [[Next|How many others were there?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: And the week before that I think twin versions of us from the 501st dimension attempted to cover the base in anchovy pizza, but the Shyfters ended up eating them for dinner instead.<br> [[How long have you been here?]] [[How have you managed to survive so long?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Long enough to learn all about what we're up against. This base contains a powerful super weapon capable of destroying an entire star fleet. It’s some sort of Ion Cannon with arc lightning capabilities. Uh... it means that when the weapon is fired, the blast leaps from ship to ship, incinerating any vessel in the area until there are no more ships for the laser to jump to.<br> [[Next|sfd8s8]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Guess I’m not as hot-headed as some of our other versions. They wanted a straight fight. I prefer to do some recon first. Like a stake-out.<br> [[A stake-out? We should totally team up like the heroes in a buddy cop movie!]] [[Have you learned anything?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: What’s a buddy cop movie?<br> [[I have no idea. Maybe someone playing this game will understand the reference.]] [[I come un-stuck from reality sometimes and the writer puts impossible words into my mouth. It’s a Crypt Shyfter adventure... what can I say?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Plenty. This base contains a powerful super weapon capable of destroying an entire star fleet. It’s some sort of Ion Cannon with arc lightning capabilities. Uh... it means that when the weapon is fired, the blast leaps from ship to ship, incinerating any vessel in the area until there are no more ships for the laser to jump to.<br> [[Next|sfd8s8]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Whatever you say...<br> [[Have you learned anything?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Whatever you say...<br> [[Have you learned anything?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: It acts sort of like a virus. You know, social distancing? Get too close and the virus can jump to you. But if you stay 6 feet apart the virus can’t jump to a new host.<br> [[Right, thanks for the science lesson.]] [[How do we shut it down?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Shutting down the super weapon is going to be tricky, though. This base is under the supervision of a Shyfter called Thunderdust. He’s taking his orders directly from the Bishop.<br> [[Thunderdust sounds like a pansy. We can take him.]] [[Who’s the Bishop?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: That’s the tricky part. This base is under the supervision of a Shyfter called Thunderdust. He’s taking his orders directly from the Bishop.<br> [[Thunderdust sounds like a pansy. We can take him.]] [[Who’s the Bishop?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Don't be so sure. He's killed at least 8 versions of us already. We need to be careful.<br> [[Who’s the Bishop?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: You haven’t met him yet in your timeline? Oh, you’re going to love this. You know the Rook, right? Used to call himself Burnscar? Turns out he was even smarter than I thought. He uploaded his brain into a computer before we killed him.<br> [[Next|dsfigsdif]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I feel your pain... trust me. But it’s not all bad news. The shield around the base is down now- I saw to that when I made my attack run. Uh... sorry for attacking you, by the way. I thought you were one of them. No hard feelings, right?<br> [[You owe me a slice of pizza.]] [[I would have done the same. Obviously. Since we’re kinda the same person... right?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I feel your pain... trust me. But it’s not all bad news. The shield around the base is down now- I saw to that when I made my attack run. Uh... sorry for attacking you, by the way. I thought you were one of them. No hard feelings, right?<br> [[You owe me a slice of pizza.]] [[I would have done the same. Obviously. Since we’re kinda the same person... right?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: If we get out of this alive, I'll buy you an entire pizza shop! But listen, that shield won’t stay down forever so we’re going to have to move fast. I found a way to shut down the super weapon, but I can't do it on my own.<br> [[Next|df8sg9]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I guess you got me there. But listen, that shield won’t stay down forever so we’re going to have to move fast. I found a way to shut down the super weapon, but I can't do it on my own.<br> [[Next|df8sg9]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Have you encountered a Keltovoxx before?<br> [[I've killed a thousand!]] [[An old friend told me they had the power to burn entire worlds. Can't say I'm looking forward to this...]]Your 23rd dimension counterpart grins and gives you a powerful barbarian fist bump. The two of you leap out of cover and make your way towards the heart of the complex.<br> [[Next|keltovoxx]]Your 23rd dimension counterpart grins and gives you a powerful barbarian fist bump. The two of you leap out of cover and make your way towards the heart of the complex.<br> [[Next|keltovoxx]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: The Shyfters downloaded his brain and put it inside a cyborg shell. That shell was been built from the scrap metal of old starships, and apparently one of the hulls had the name Bishop painted on it. Now everyone calls him The Bishop.<br> [[Burnscar... you’ve got to be kidding me!]] [[Why don’t any of these guys stay dead!?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: We need to destroy the main power generator at the heart of the base. That’s not going to be easy, though. Aside from all the Shyfters we’d need to kill to reach it, the generator is hidden in a cavern at the core of this moon... and a giant Keltovoxx lives in the core. If we’re going to shut down the power generator, we’re probably going to have to kill that Keltovoxx first.<br> [[Keltovoxx... right.]] [[I'm not afraid of a Keltovoxx!]]You are immediately swarmed by a squad of furious Shyfters. They aren’t in a talking mood.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 10>>\You and your alternate self exchange bad puns about tin pots and rusty screws as you leap over the crushed heaps of Shyfter corpses and continue on your way to the heart of the base. The attack that took down the shield damaged many critical structures, so most of the Shyfters are too preoccupied with repairing them to notice you.<br> [[Next|sdf7373jjgg]]The two of you enter a small command center through a hole in the rear. It is filled with computers and flashing lights. You can see a turbolift on the far side of the room leading down into the core of the moon.<br> [[Mess around with the computers]] [[Run to the turbolift]]You begin pressing buttons on the command console. You notice a “broadcast” option that will allow you to record a message and broadcast it to the entire base.<br> [[Fart into it]] [[Tell the Shyfters they’ll be having a pizza party on the south lawn in 5 minutes]] [[Leave it alone]]You press the button to call the turbolift, but suddenly an alarm begins to blare. Just then half a dozen security robots swarm into the room, shouting orders to terminate any intruders. You drop into a fighting stance and get ready to kick robo-booty.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 11>>\You grab the microphone and put it against your butt. Your alternate self can’t stop laughing as you rip a resoundingly loud fart into the mouthpiece. Satisfied with your handiwork, you replace the microphone, hit the broadcast button, and then press “Play on repeat.”<br> [[Next|sdf8gs9df0g]]You grab the microphone and press the “record” button. You inform the denizens of the base that a grand pizza party will be held on the south lawn in 5 minutes. You and your alternate self try to stifle giggles as your message is broadcast all across the base. <br> [[Next|agusfiggsog]]You leave the command console and press the button to call the turbolift, but suddenly an alarm begins to blare. Just then half a dozen security robots swarm into the room, shouting orders to terminate any intruders. You drop into a fighting stance and get ready to kick robo-booty.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 11>>\A moment later you hear the amplified sound of your mighty fart being blasted all across the base over and over again. You run to the turbolift giggling like a little kid.<br> [[Next|sdfkgksturbo]]You press the button to call the turbolift, but suddenly an alarm begins to blare. Just then half a dozen security robots swarm into the room, shouting orders to terminate any intruders. You drop into a fighting stance and get ready to kick robo-booty.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 11>>\You can see a few confused Shyfters aimlessly wandering around outside the window of the command center, trying to figure out where the south lawn is. Now that you’ve had your fun, you run to the turbolift giggling like a little kid.<br> [[Next|sdfkgksturbo]]You smash the robo-guards apart and leap into the turbolift before anymore backup can arrive. You zoom down to the core of the moon. An instant later the doors swish open and you find yourselves standing in an enormous cavern.<br> [[Next|fags99sg]]The power generator is directly ahead. A pair of Shyfter technicians are doing repairs on the generator. They spin around as you approach.<br> [[Next|sfslglf]]SHYFTER TECHNICIAN: Who are you? You’re not allowed down here!<br> [[Thunderdust sent us. We’re here to help repair the power generator.]] [[We’re the Keltovoxx nutritionists. We need to make sure that beast is properly fed or it could eat everyone on this base.]] [[We came here to kill you and destroy that power generator!]]SHYFTER TECHNICIAN: I knew it! Thunderdust doesn’t think we can handle this job anymore, does he? Listen, I know that Keltovoxx has done a number on this generator already and we’ve lost too many techs in this cave since that beast showed up, but we’ve been doing everything we can! You know what? If we’re not needed here anymore, fine. We can take a hint, right Chargus? We’re outta here. The generator is all yours.<br> [[Next|skgsdfg]]SHYFTER TECHNICIAN: Didn’t know we had Keltovoxx nutritionists... but I guess that makes sense. That beast is terrifying. It’s already eaten at least 30 of us. The beast should be sleeping right now. A few soldiers are standing guard at the entrance to that tunnel back there to alert us in case it wakes up.<br> [[Next|aosfgoog]]SHYFTER TECHNICIAN: Guards! Help!<br> [[Next|sdogso]]The technician turns around and goes back to work on the power generator. Your barbarian counterpart pulls you aside and whispers urgently in your ear.<br> [[Next|sfd9gsg9]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: We gotta kill these guys and destroy the power generator before that Keltovoxx wakes up.<br> [[I agree. You take the one on the left, I’ll take the one on the right.]] [[I have a better idea. Let’s wake the Keltovoxx up and let it destroy the base!]]You spring forward to attack the technicians, but they spot your reflection in the metallic surface of the power generator!<br> [[Next|sdflsdflg]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: It’s too risky. What if the Keltovoxx doesn’t destroy the generator? What if it decides to eat everyone down here and doesn’t go up to the surface?<br> [[Good point... let’s kill these technicians and destroy the power generator.]] [[I’m the boss now! I say we make some noise and wake up the Keltovoxx.]]You spring forward to attack the technicians, but they spot your reflection in the metallic surface of the power generator!<br> [[Next|sdflsdflg]]You begin shouting at the top of your lungs. The terrified technicians call to the soldiers standing at the far side of the cavern and order them to run. The technicians and soldiers leave all their gear behind and sprint to the turbolift, instantly zooming back up to the surface.<br> [[Next|That was too easy!]]The disgruntled technician whistles to a few soldiers standing guard near one of the cave entrances in the back of the cavern. The Shyfters don’t hesitate to move away from the tunnel. The technician mutters a few angry words to the soldiers as he packs up his gear. A moment later they all enter the turbolift and return to the surface.<br> [[That was too easy!]] [[I have a really bad feeling about this...]]The cavern suddenly begins to rumble as if the moon was being blasted by earthquakes. A moment later the massive Keltovoxx emerges from one of the tunnels!<br> [[Next|asdkfgksdk]]The cavern suddenly begins to rumble as if the moon was being blasted by earthquakes. A moment later the massive Keltovoxx emerges from one of the tunnels!<br> [[Next|asdkfgksdk]]Three Shyfter guards emerge from deeper inside the cavern. They look nervously over their shoulders, but as soon as they spot you they morph into metallic rhinos and attack!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 12>>\You slaughter the Starfeaks, but your fight has generated too much noise. The cavern suddenly begins to rumble as if the moon was being blasted by earthquakes. A moment later the massive Keltovoxx appears!<br> [[Next|asdkfgksdk]]The beast is an enormous 12-legged lizard covered in iron-hard scales and razor sharp horns. Its 8 milky white eyes blink grotesquely, unseeing. The creature begins sniffing, trying to determine your location. Just then it catches your scent and unleashes a terrifying roar.<br> [[Attack it|Fight]] [[Draw it towards the power generator]] <<set $state = 13>>\You slaughter the Keltovoxx, but the cavern is becoming unstable. You rush over to the power generator and destroy it with your $weapon. The generator begins to spark and sizzle.<br> [[Next|dsfkgsldls]]You begin waving your arms and shouting to draw the Keltovoxx's attention. The beast begins thrashing around blindly. Its powerful claws smash right through the power generator. The crushed generator begins to spark and rumble.<br> [[It's going to explode!|sd9g8usd]] [[Time to make our escape!|sd9g8usd]]SHYFTER TECHNICIAN: Guards! Help!<br> [[Next|sdogso]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: That thing is going to explode! Let's get out of here!<br> [[Next|sd9g8usd]]You run to the turbolift and shoot back up to the surface as the power generator explodes beneath you. All the power in the base flickers and then goes out.<br> [[Next|aslfgjdsi]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: That explosion destabilized the core. The entire moon is going to collapse in on itself! We need to get out of here before that happens!<br> [[Do you have a ship nearby?]] [[What are we going to do once we leave?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: It's right over here, follow me!<br> [[Next|skdfgksdk]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: We can figure that out later. My ship is this way, follow me!<br> [[Next|skdfgksdk]]THUNDERDUST: Not so fast, barbarians!<br> [[Next|dslfksdkg]]A malformed Shyfter shuffles in front of you. The hunchbacked brute is missing an eyeball and his brain, which appears to be pulsing with a green radioactive energy, is nearly oozing out of a crack in his skull. Tubes and wires are plugged in all over his body. The silver canister on his back is probably the only thing keeping him alive.<br> [[I was wondering when you'd show up!]] [[You must be Thunderdust. I'm impressed! You're even more disgusting than I expected!]]THUNDERDUST: I can't say the same for you. I've been expecting you, of course. You stupid barbarians keep showing up every 9 and a half days like clockwork. I'm starting to look forward to these little meetings! I've already killed 12 of you personally. It looks like today I get a 2-for-1 deal!<br> [[We're not like those other barbarians. We shut down your super weapon and now this moon will be destroyed!]] [[If you're trying to taunt me, it's working. I can't stand it when evil villains destroy alternate versions of me. They had so much to live for!]]THUNDERDUST: How many times have I heard that now? You stupid barbarians keep showing up every 9 and a half days like clockwork. I'm starting to look forward to these little meetings! I've already killed 12 of you personally. It looks like today I get a 2-for-1 deal!<br> [[We're not like those other barbarians. We shut down your super weapon and now this moon will be destroyed!]] [[If you're trying to taunt me, it's working. I can't stand it when evil villains destroy alternate versions of me. They had so much to live for!]]THUNDERDUST: Then it will give me even greater satisfaction when I snuff out the flames of your lives! Prepare to meet your goddess, barbarian!<br> [[Next|kdsfgksd]]THUNDERDUST: And you will die for nothing! Prepare to meet your goddess, barbarian!<br> [[Next|kdsfgksd]]Thunderdust transforms into a yeti with laser beam eyes and machine gun arms. He attacks!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 14>>\You and your alternate dimension self dance back and forth as the Shyfter fires laser beams and bullets in all directions. He's a deadly warrior, but no Shyfter is a match for two barbarians!<br> [[Next|askfgkgs]]You slug the deformed freak in the face with a powerful haymaker, sending him stumbling back into the clutches of your companion. He tries to wriggle free, but you rip out the wires attaching his brain to the tube on his back. Thunderdust drops to the ground and begins to scream as his brain slowly expands. His head is about to explode.<br> [[Next|akgfsksg]]THUNDERDUST: You stupid barbarians! You may have killed me, but your lives will soon end! Even as we speak, my lord and master, the all-powerful Bishop, is on his way to the Builder's citadel with an army of elite Shyfters!<br> [[The Builder? They know where he is?]] [[I'm sure the Builder won't have any problem dealing with riff-raff like that.]]THUNDERDUST: That's right! And what's more, the Bishop has found a way to destroy the Builder for good! The Shyfters now have the power to snuff out any life in any dimension... permanently! You'll be next, barbarian. You mark my words! You'll be next!<br> [[Next|slglal]]THUNDERDUST: Ha! You fool, don't you understand? The Bishop has found a way to destroy the Builder for good! The Shyfters now have the power to snuff out any life in any dimension... permanently! You'll be next, barbarian. You mark my words! You'll be next!<br> [[Next|slglal]]Thunderdust shrieks in horror as his head explodes in a burst of green goo. You look to your alternate self, a grave expression on your face.<br> [[He was lying. No one has the power to destroy a life across all the dimensions.]] [[You and I have both fought the Bishop before. Mechanox warned us not to underestimate him. He found a way to bring the Atomic Angel back to life and now he's found a way to destroy the Builder for good.]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Maybe he was... but I don't think so. Either way, we need a plan. What are we going to do now?<br> [[What we always do: fight. We're going to see this war through to the bitter end.|The only thing we can do: we're going to stop them.]] [[I don't know. I need some time to think. And I'm starving. Let's grab a slice of pizza and figure out our next move.]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I can't believe such a thing is possible, but I'm afraid you're right. What are we going to do?<br> [[The only thing we can do: we're going to stop them.]] [[I don't know. I need some time to think. And I'm starving. Let's grab a slice of pizza and figure out our next move.]]The ground begins to rumble beneath your feet. The moon could explode at any moment! The two of you race toward your counterpart's ship, leap inside, and take off. The moon explodes behind you just seconds later.<br> [[Next|aslalgl]]The ground begins to rumble beneath your feet. The moon could explode at any moment! The two of you race toward your counterpart's ship, leap inside, and take off. The moon explodes behind you just seconds later.<br> [[Next|aslalgl]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: We need to get back to Fuzonia. They'll have seen that explosion from the surface. Remember, our job here isn't done yet. We came here to secure their aid in the war. Now that we've destroyed that super weapon, we must finalize the alliance. If the Knights of Fuzonia refuse to help us... all hope is lost.<br> [[They'll help us. They have to...]] [[Things are about to get very bad...]]You return to Fuzonia and report your success to Princess Vulma. She is astonished that you've returned alive, but she keeps her word. The Knights of Fuzonia will join your fight against the Shyfters.<br> [[Next|aslfgl]]You return to Fuzonia and report your success to Princess Vulma. She is astonished that you've returned alive, but she keeps her word. The Knights of Fuzonia will join your fight against the Shyfters.<br> [[Next|aslfgl]]After a somber feast of pizza and fries, you begin to plan. The Fuzonians assure you they can track the movements of the Shyfter fleet. They promise to pinpoint their destination and locate the citadel of the Builder before dawn. But you and the version of you from the 23rd dimension can't sit around until dawn. You both have a job to do.<br> [[Next|sdfkglsdl]]If the Shyfters have found a way to snuff out any life in the multiverse, then you are in grave danger. Your alternate selves must be warned immediately. But that's not the only reason you need to contact them...<br> [[Next|asldfgl]]Two bone-headed barbarians wouldn't stand a chance against the might of the entire Shyfter armada. But an army of barbarians, wild, crazy, hairy, and overflowing with a desire to crush the shapeshifting star monsters once and for all? Now THAT might even the odds a bit. In fact, that might be just what you need to tip the odds in your favor.<br> [[Next|aslgla]]You bid farewell to your 23rd dimension self as both of you leap into wormholes leading to different dimensions. You'll meet again soon... and when you do, you'll both have armies at your backs.<br> [[THE END]]Congratulations! You win!23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Good, because this could end up being a suicide mission. But we're running out of time. If we're going to shut down that super weapon, we need to move quickly.<br> [[What are we waiting for?]] [[That generator won't destroy itself. Let's shut it down and get back to Fuzonia as soon as we can.|What are we waiting for?]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Barbarian team up! I like it. But we need to be careful. We can't forget about Thunderdust. He's a dangerous Shyfter who has already managed to kill a bunch of versions of us. He’s not going to be caught off-guard when his base is attacked again. He’ll be ready for us.<br> [[We’ll deal with Thunderdust when the time is right.]] [[I’m going to send The Bishop a special delivery dropbox containing Thunderdust’s head!]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: Sure you have... Listen, just be careful. We can't forget about Thunderdust. He's a dangerous Shyfter who has already managed to kill a bunch of versions of us. He’s not going to be caught off-guard when his base is attacked again. He’ll be ready for us.<br> [[We’ll deal with Thunderdust when the time is right.]] [[I’m going to send The Bishop a special delivery dropbox containing Thunderdust’s head!]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: We can do this! I know we can. But we need to be careful. We can't forget about Thunderdust. He's a dangerous Shyfter who has already managed to kill a bunch of versions of us. He’s not going to be caught off-guard when his base is attacked again. He’ll be ready for us.<br> [[We’ll deal with Thunderdust when the time is right.]] [[I’m going to send The Bishop a special delivery dropbox containing Thunderdust’s head!]]RADIO: That identification number checks out, but I'm not aware of any fusion torpedo shipments. You are cleared for landing, 916-528. Prepare your shuttle for investigation upon arrival.<br> [[Copy that.|You're a lifesaver! See ya in a few!]] [[Don't worry, I'll be ready for you.|You're a lifesaver! See ya in a few!]]