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<<set $header = 0>>\ <div style="text-align: center;">\ <p class="double">\ <br>CRYPT SHYFTER MISERY<br> by kung fu space barbarian<br> </p>\ [[Start|CharCreater]] </div>\ <<set $hp = 10>>\ <<set $magic = 0>>\ <<set $sneaky = 0>>\ <<set $beefy = 0>>\ <<set $skill = 0>>\ <<set $gold = 15>>\ <<set $pizza = 2>>\ <<set $beer = 0>>\ <<set $inventory= []>>\ <<set $inventory.push("Revolvers")>>\ <<set $inventory.push("Magic Staff")>>\ <<set $rats = 0>>\ <<set $wizard = 0>>\ <<set $nepton = 0>>\ <<set $abbey = 0>>\ <<set $quest = 0>>\ <<set $mine = 0>>\ <<set $shedkey = 0>>\ <<set $blaster = 0>>\ <<set $header = 1>>\What kind of Paladin are you?<br> [[Brawler|Beefy]] [[Gunslinger|Sneaky]] [[Spellslinger|Magical]]HP: $hp GOLD: $gold PIZZA: $pizza<br> <u>INVENTORY</u> <<print $inventory.join("\n")>>\CONGRATULATIONS!<br> You win.Brawler bonus added!<br> [[Continue|begin]] <<set $beefy += 1>>\Gunslinger bonus added!<br> [[Continue|begin]] <<set $skill += 1>>\Spellslinger bonus added!<br> [[Continue|begin]] <<set $magic += 1>>\Life is hard on the wild frontier. Even a tough-as-nails Paladin needs a vacation sometimes.<br> [[Continue|vacation]]That's why you've set your sights on the town of Misery, a place known for its robust culture, beautiful scenery, and most important of all- its pizza.<br> [[Continue|stalli]]You ride into Misery on your trusty stallion, but it's immediately clear that all is not well in town. As you lead your horse down the muddy streets, you pass by piles of corpses, moaning peasants, and wagons full of rotten food. This place smells like death.<br> [[Continue|novacation]]<<set $challenges = 0>>\ You stand in the center of town, appalled by what you see. This is no time for a vacation... these people need a Paladin! You tie up your horse and enter the saloon.<br> [[Continue|The saloon]]<<if visited("dying")>>\ You enter the saloon.<br> [[Speak with the barmaid]] [[Speak with some of the sick people]] [[Leave|mainstreet]] <<else>>\ Unfortunately, you will not find food or drink here. The dining room has been turned into a temporary infirmary. Blankets have been laid out on the floor and the tables are covered with a variety of poultices, medicines, and bandages. Sick and dying villagers are everywhere.<br> [[Continue|dying]] <</if>>\<<if visited("ravag")>>\ Your work at the abbey is finished.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]] <<else>>\ You climb the hill to the abbey and walk inside. The building is nearly empty. An old woman is praying in the back and asking for the Maker's blessing, but the rest of the seats are unfilled. Today is a holy day, so it is a bit disorienting to see so few people here, especially given the plague that has ravaged the town.<br> [[Continue|ravag]] <</if>>\<<if visited("Psyche! Stupid dipshits. Why would I waste my money on you?")>>\ You're no longer welcome in this shop.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]] <<else>>\ You enter the stonecutter's shop.<br> [[Continue|laskfjj]] <</if>>\HUSBAND: ...don't have much gold. I wish we could afford more- we always wanted the best for our little boy- but times have been hard. Most of the crop this year was wiped out by the drought... we barely grew enough to feed ourselves. And now the kid... my boy...<br> [[Continue|sobs]]The man breaks down and begins to cry. The stonecutter tries to keep a steady face, but it's clear he's been having a rough week.<br> [[I can pay for your boy's headstone.]] [[What's going on in this town?]] [[Leave|mainstreet]]WIFE: That's awful kind of you, stranger, but we couldn't-<br> [[Please, I insist. (2 gold)]] [[Psyche! Stupid peasants. Why would I waste my money on you?]]STONECUTTER: There's been a plague... it's nearly wiped out the whole town. And if something isn't done soon, I fear the rest of us will be next.<br> [[What's causing it?]] [[Can you make something for me?]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]<<if $quest gte 2>>\ You head to the center of town.<br> [[Continue|doooorr]] <<else>>\ Where do you want to go?<br> [[The saloon]] [[The stonecutter's shop]] <<if $abbey gte 1>>\ [[The abbey]] <</if>>\ <<if $wizard gte 1>>\ [[The wizard's tower]] <</if>>\ <<if $rats gte 1>>\ [[The rat catchers' farmstead]] <</if>>\ <<if $mine gte 1>>\ [[The copper mine]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <</if>>\<<if $gold gte 2>>\ <<set $gold -= 2>>\ You hand the stonecutter two gold pieces. The old couple thanks you through their tears. The stonecutter assures them he will get to work right away. The old couple thanks you again before exiting the shop.<br> [[Continue|stony]] <<else>>\ You don't have enough gold! The old folks look crestfallen, but they thank the stonecutter nonetheless. They exit the shop.<br> [[Continue|nothingtopay]] <</if>>\STONECUTTER: Get out of my shop, you disgraceful piece of garbage!<br> [[Make me.]] [[Fine. Have fun crying, you lame peasants.]]The stonecutter vaults over the counter and attacks you with a chisel!<br> [[Shoot him]] [[Beat him to death]] [[Turn him into a statue with a magic spell]]You walk outside. The stonecutter calls you a heartless cur in tones loud enough for you to hear.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]]<<if visited("lskjf")>>\ The stonecutter is busy making new headstones. Better not bother him right now.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]] <<else>>\ The stonecutter is speaking to a distraught-looking man who is explaining what should be carved onto a tombstone while also consoling his wife. The stonecutter wipes a runner of snot off his face as he tries to take notes. He looks like he's near death himself.<br> [[Continue|lskjf]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You shoot the stonecutter. He drops the chisel and collapses to the ground in a pool of his own blood. The grieving couple screams and flees the shop.<br> [[Continue|killedstone]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 5>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The stonecutter stabs you with the chisel! -5 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagain]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $beefy>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You beat the stonecutter to a pulp. He collapses to the ground in a pool of his own blood. The grieving couple screams and flees the shop.<br> [[Continue|killedstoned]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 5>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The stonecutter stabs you with the chisel! -5 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagain]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You turn the stonecutter to stone with a magic spell! The grieving couple screams and flees the shop.<br> [[Continue|killedstonefd]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 5>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The stonecutter stabs you with the chisel! -5 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagain]] <</if>>\Several armed men rush into the building, wildly searching for the source of the gunshot. They spot you with a smoking gun and listen to the screaming couple explaining what happened. They don't give you a trial. You are executed on the spot.<br> [[Continue|executed]]<<if $hp gte 1>>\ The stonecutter prepares to strike again.<br> [[Shoot him]] [[Beat him to death]] [[Turn him into a statue with a magic spell]] <<else>>\ The stonecutter slits your throat. YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\No murder hobos in Misery! Try again, numnuts.Several armed men rush into the building, wildly searching for the source of the commotion. They spot you standing over the stonecutter with bloody knuckles and listen to the screaming couple explaining what happened. They don't give you a trial. You are executed on the spot.<br> [[Continue|executed]]Several armed men rush into the building, wildly searching for the source of the commotion. They spot you standing near the frozen stonecutter and listen to the screaming couple explaining what happened. They don't give you a trial. You are executed on the spot.<br> [[Continue|executed]]STONECUTTER: Heck if I know. Seems like everything was sunshine and roses just last week, then all of a sudden- WHAM! Half the town was wiped out by some disease. My old wife died last night, and I can feel the sickness myself... I just don't know what can be done about it.<br> [[Does medicine help?]] [[Can you make something for me?]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]STONECUTTER: Unless it's a new headstone, then I'm afraid not. I'm booked six ways to Sunday.<br> [[Do you know what's causing the plague?|What's causing it?]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]STONECUTTER: That was a right dandy thing to do for total strangers!<br> [[They looked like they could use a smile.|smiled]] [[It was nothing, really.|smiled]]STONECUTTER: Darn shame. Too much misery in this town lately. Hah. Misery. That would be a fitting name for this rotten place.<br> [[What's going on in this town?]] [[Can you make something for me?]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]STONECUTTER: You have a kind heart, Paladin. What can I do for you?<br> [[What's going on in this town?]] [[Can you make something for me?]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]STONECUTTER: Medicine can help to keep the fever down a bit, but it's not the fever that kills ya. It's the pukin' and the poopin' that drains yer life away in the end. Awful way to die, that's for sure.<br> [[Can you make something for me?]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]One of the barmaids is wiping a young boy's head with a wet cloth. She gives you a tired smile.<br> [[Speak with the barmaid]] [[Speak with some of the sick people]]<<if $maid gte 5>>\ The barmaid is busy tending to sick people.<br> [[Continue|insidesaloon]] <<elseif $maid gte 3>>\ The barmaid smiles when you approach.<br> [[Continue|maidsmiles]] <<else>>\ You tip your hat to the barmaid.<br> [[Continue|thebarm]] <</if>>\<<if visited("thesickend")>>\ These people need time to rest. Better leave them alone for now.<br> [[Continue|insidesaloon]] <<else>>\ You approach one of the old men.<br> [[Continue|thesickend]] <</if>>\BARMAID: A terrible plague swept through the town three nights ago. We don't know what caused it. Some say it was the rats. Others think the mad wizard is behind this. Whatever the cause, the Vicar has done nothing to aid the sick and dying.<br> [[The rats?]] [[Who is this mad wizard?]] [[Vicar?]]BARMAID: I am, at the moment. Just about everyone else with any power fled town when people started dying. Plagues are taken very seriously in Misery.<br> [[What's wrong with everyone?]] [[Why hasn't this town's Paladin done anything to stop the sickness?]]BARMAID: The Archbishop presided over Misery, but he is no longer with us.<br> [[Continue|Vicar?]]You are standing in the saloon.<br> [[Speak with the barmaid]] [[Speak with some of the sick people]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ [[Leave|mainstreet]]<<set $maid = 5>>\ BARMAID: Greetings, Paladin. Is there anything I can assist you with?<br> [[What's wrong with everyone?]] [[Who's in charge here?]] [[Why hasn't this town's Paladin done anything to stop the sickness?]]<<set $rats += 1>>\ BARMAID: It is well known that diseased rats live in the wastelands outside of town. A few nights ago the rat catchers disappeared. That's when people started getting sick.<br> [[Where did the rat catchers go?]] [[Who is the mad wizard you spoke of?|Who is this mad wizard?]] [[You mentioned the Vicar?|Vicar?]]<<set $wizard += 1>>\ BARMAID: I don't know much about him, to be honest. One of the other villagers might have more information. All I know is that he lives in his crooked tower to the south.<br> [[You said something about rats?|The rats?]] [[You mentioned the Vicar?|Vicar?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]<<set $abbey += 1>>\ BARMAID: Vicar Kane took charge of the abbey after the Archbishop left. He is a vile man. He's turned the abbey into his own personal mansion and completely ignores the troubles of the town.<br> [[Vicar Kane... I hate that guy.]] [[Why did the Archbishop leave?]] [[You said something about rats?|The rats?]] [[Who is the mad wizard you spoke of?|Who is this mad wizard?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]<<set $rats += 1>>\ BARMAID: No one knows. They work out of the old farmstead to the North, but no one has dared venture near that place since the outbreak. The villagers fear that old building may be cursed.<br> [[Continue|normally]]BARMAID: Normally a Paladin would go investigate this sort of thing, but like I said... the Vicar has been of little use.<br> [[Vicar?]] [[Who is the mad wizard you spoke of?|Who is this mad wizard?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]BARMAID: He is at the abbey if you would like to speak with him. Is there anything else I can help you with?<br> [[Why did the Archbishop leave?]] [[You said something about rats?|The rats?]] [[Who is the mad wizard you spoke of?|Who is this mad wizard?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]BARMAID: In his final sermon he said that he had dire business to attend to. That was nearly a month ago. Rumors have begun to swirl, though. Most of us think he went after The Dragon.<br> [[The Dragon?]] [[Is the Vicar in town?|Vicar Kane... I hate that guy.]] [[You said something about rats?|The rats?]] [[Who is the mad wizard you spoke of?|Who is this mad wizard?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]BARMAID: Vassago the Vile. He roams the Forgotten Wastes and devours unwary travellers who pass through his domain. Recently Vassago has been hunting close to Misery. I believe the Archbishop took his guns and went after the beast. Unfortunately, I don't think he survived the encounter.<br> [[Is the Vicar in town?|Vicar Kane... I hate that guy.]] [[You said something about rats?|The rats?]] [[Who is the mad wizard you spoke of?|Who is this mad wizard?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]<<if visited("nomorerum")>>\ Rumdoodle is busy working on experiments. Better leave him alone for now.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]] <<else>>\ You walk to the wizard's tower.<br> [[Continue|wlktjjf]] <</if>>\<<if visited("ferm")>>\ Nothing more to do here.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]] <<else>>\ The rat catchers’ farmstead is a short walk outside of town. A dirt path leading through decaying cactuses and brittle grass ends at an old wooden fence. You easily spring over the wooden posts and approach the farmhouse.<br> [[Continue|ferm]] <</if>>\SICK MAN: I must be dreaming. Is that a Paladin I see before me?<br> [[It's no dream, old timer. Your eyes do not deceive you.]] [[How are you feeling?]] [[Have you received the Last Blessings from a Paladin yet?]]SICK MAN: Then perhaps our salvation is at hand. A blessed day, indeed.<br> [[How are you feeling?]] [[Have you received the Last Blessings from a Paladin yet?]]SICK MAN: I've been puking my innards out for the last two days and nights. Can't be much longer before The Maker calls my name. Why, if I still had my strength I'd go right on over to Rumdoodle's tower and punch the old fart in the nose! This is all his fault. I just know it!<br> [[Who is Rumdoodle?]] [[Have you received the Last Blessings from a Paladin yet?]]SICK MAN: Ain't been a true Paladin in these parts for nearly a month. Just that horrible Vicar.<br> [[What can you tell me about the Vicar?]] [[How are you feeling?]]SICK MAN: He's a mad wizard! Rumdoodle is always doing crazy experiments in that tower of his to the south of town. I bet my favorite cow he's the one behind this plague! Nothing but bad things come from the Tower of Rumdoodle!<br> [[I will investigate this tower.]] [[Have you received the Last Blessings from a Paladin yet?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]] <<set $wizard += 1>>\SICK MAN: You take care of yourself, Paladin. Rumdoodle is insane! He's full of lies and trickery. Don't listen to a word he says. I hope he doesn't turn you into a mule. You seem like a good soul.<br> [[Have you received the Last Blessings from a Paladin yet?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]<<set $abbey += 1>>\ SICK MAN: If The Maker saw fit to strike him down in the middle of the road today, every soul in Misery would step right over his worthless corpse. The Vicar came to town after the Archbishop left. A fine man, the Archbishop was! But the Vicar... he's an Oathbreaker!<br> [[What has the Vicar done?]] [[How are you feeling?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]SICK MAN: He's turned the abbey into a palace of worldly pleasures. You can hear the sounds of debauchery all the way down here on calm nights. He couldn't give one toot what happens to the rest of us, so long as he lives a life of luxury and excess.<br> [[I will speak with the Vicar.]] [[How are you feeling?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]SICK MAN: Don't bother speaking to that villain. Just give him a good kick in the rump!<br> [[How are you feeling?]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]RUMDOODLE: Howdy stranger! Have you come to see Rumdoodle's Magical Magorium of Tricks and Whizz-bangs?<br> [[Um... sure?]] [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: Well that's just dandy! But I'm sorry to say you can't come in today. Too dangerous! I'm working on a very important experiment. Actually, I could use a bit of help if you're up for it. You haven't seen any Neptunium Quartezite on your travels, have you?<br> <<if $nepton gte 1>>\ [[Yes, actually. I found some at the old farmhouse.]] <<else>>\ [[No...]] <</if>>\ [[Uh... what in tarnation is that?]] [[What do you need it for?]] [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]<<if visited("Rat plague?")>>\ RUMDOODLE: I'm sorry, Paladin, but I don't have any more information on the rat plague.<br> <<if $nepton gte 1>>\ [[I found Neptune metal for you.]] <</if>>\ [[May I come in to speak with you? It's a little awkward shouting up and down like this.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]] <<else>>\ RUMDOODLE: Oh, right. The plague. Yes, that is quite unfortunate. I've been trying to come up with a cure to fight the rat plague for years, but so far I've had no luck.<br> [[Rat plague?]] [[May I come in to speak with you? It's a little awkward shouting up and down like this.]] <<if $nepton gte 1>>\ [[I found Neptune metal for you.]] <</if>>\ [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]] <</if>>\RUMDOODLE: Back again, Paladin? What do you require of the Great and Mysterious Rumdoodle?<br> <<if $nepton gte 1>>\ [[I found Neptune metal for you.]] <</if>>\ [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[May I come in to speak with you? It's a little awkward shouting up and down like this.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: Snicker-snacks! Well, if you do come across any on your travels, please be sure to bring it to me straight away. It is the final missing ingredient in my most devious invention yet!<br> [[What is this invention, exactly?|What do you need it for?]] [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: It's a tri-conian iodide class bio-particulate metal native to the- oh, sorry. I got a bit carried away. It's a special metal that I need for my experiements.<br> <<if $nepton gte 1>>\ [[I found some of that at the old farmhouse.|Yes, actually. I found some at the old farmhouse.]] <</if>>\ [[What are these experiements for?|What do you need it for?]] [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: I'm trying to build a gun that shoots GUNS! Those guns shoot bullets, of course, but just imagine! You're walking through Vulture's Gulch and suddenly you're ambushed by bandits! They have you outnumbered BUT WAIT! You have a gun that shoots guns that shoot bullets! They'll never stand a chance!<br> [[Rumdoodle... you are insane. That will never work.]] [[THIS IS THE BEST INVENTION OF ALL TIME!!]] [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: The greatest ideas have the loneliest childhoods. You may not understand my genius, but that's neither here nor there. If you come across any Neptunium Quartezite, please bring it to me. I'll craft my very first "Nepton Blaster" for you!<br> [[Sure, I'll keep an eye out for that... nepotism stuff.]] [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: I knew you would understand! You Paladin's are a crafty lot, to be sure! If you come across any Neptunium Quartezite, please bring it to me. I'll craft my very first "Nepton Blaster" for you!<br> [[This is gunna be so awesome!|Sure, I'll keep an eye out for that... nepotism stuff.]] [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: Flap-dapulous! Do you need anything else?<br> [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]<<set $rats += 1>>\ RUMDOODLE: Yes, of course! The giant rats from the wasteland are a diseased bunch- great for experiments, not so great as pets. The rat catchers normally keep them at bay, but it seems as though the rotten hooligans have been asleep on the job recently.<br> [[Continue|theratc]]RUMDOODLE: I'm sorry to say you can't come in today. Too dangerous! I'm working on a very important experiment.<br> [[What sort of experiement?|What do you need it for?]] [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: Excellent! With this metal, I can finally complete my experiments! Please, wait there for just a moment.<br> [[Continue|takesgu]] <<set $quest += 1>>\ <<set $inventory.delete("Neptunium Quartezite")>>\RUMDOODLE: Without the rat catchers to keep up with things, those dirty varmints have been scuttling all around town, making everyone sick! Truth be told, it's not the first time this has happened- the rat plague, I mean. That's why Misery's officials hired those lazy rat catchers in the first place!<br> [[Are these rat catchers really so important?|These rat catchers are really so important?]] <<if $nepton gte 1>>\ [[I found Neptune metal for you.]] <</if>>\ [[I want to talk about something else.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]<<set $abbey += 1>>\ RUMDOODLE: Oh, yes! It might seem like a lowly position to you, but the rat catchers are crucial to the well-being of this town! They're certainly more important than that corrupt Vicar... always trying to interfere with my science! He'd have shut me down the day he walked into this town if I hadn't had the wits to hand him a pouch of fake gold! One day he'll get his comeuppance, you mark my words!<br> [[Do you know what happened to the rat catchers?]] <<if $nepton gte 1>>\ [[I found Neptune metal for you.]] <</if>>\ [[I want to talk about something else.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you. I spend most of my time working on new experiments in my tower. Perhaps you could investigate the old farmhouse to the north? That's where they keep their headquarters.<br> [[What kinds of experiments are you working on?|What do you need it for?]] <<if $nepton gte 1>>\ [[I found Neptune metal for you.]] <</if>>\ [[I want to talk about something else.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: What do you require of the Great and Mysterious Rumdoodle?<br> <<if $nepton gte 1>>\ [[I found Neptune metal for you.]] <</if>>\ [[I came to ask about the plague.]] [[May I come in to speak with you? It's a little awkward shouting up and down like this.]] [[Goodbye.|mainstreet]]Rumdoodle casts a spell on the metal you're carrying and suddenly it zips out of your hands and flies through the window. The crazy old man sets to work immediately. You can hear the sounds of buzzing and clanking as he works in his lab up above.<br> [[Continue|momentslk]]Rumdoodle pokes his head out the window again a few moments later.<br> [[Continue|allfigh]]RUMDOODLE: All finished! It's even better than I imagined! As a special thanks, I want you to take my first prototype! I am proud to present the very first... NEPTON BLASTER- a gun that shoots guns that shoot bullets!<br> [[This is ridiculous.|dropgun]] [[I am so excited.|dropgun]]<<set $inventory.push("Nepton Blaster")>>\ <<set $blaster += 1>>\ The wizard puts the gun in a bucket and lowers it down to you on a rope. You take the Nepton Blaster. It's bulky and awkward to hold, but now you have a gun that shoots guns! Nepton Blaster added to inventory.<br> [[Thanks, Rumdoodle.]] [[I have a feeling things are about to get really weird.]]RUMDOODLE: No, thank YOU! Now shoo! I can't stand around yapping all day- I have experiments to work on!<br> [[Continue|nomorerum]]RUMDOODLE: I would imagine so! This is a CRYPT SHYFTER adventure, after all. Now shoo! I can't stand around yapping all day- I have experiments to work on!<br> [[Continue|nomorerum]]With that, Rumdoodle slams the window shut and vanishes inside his tower once again.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]]<<if visited("thesli")>>\ Rumdoodle pokes his head out the window.<br> [[Continue|rummy]] <<else>>\ You're about to knock on the door when suddenly there is a tiny explosion. Glancing up, you notice a puff of green smoke pouring out of the top window. An old man with a charred beard and burned face sticks his head out, gasping for air. He looks down at you in surprise.<br> [[Continue|thesli]] <</if>>\Just then a door to the inner vestibule swings open and a Paladin emerges. He is clad in all white. A long cape flows down his back and silver guns swing at his hips. He bears the ruby emblem of a Vicar on his chest.<br> [[Continue|thevicar]]VICAR: Welcome to my most Holy Sanctuary, fellow Paladin. I was not aware that we were to have another member of the Order in town this week. What brings you here?<br> [[I was on vacation until I learned of this town's problems.]] [[Have you had any word from the Archbishop?]] [[Drop the act, Vicar. The people of this town are dying. The Order has received no notice or request for aid in Misery, and from what the townsfolk tell me you've done nothing to help. I want some answers.]]VICAR: That tone will get you in trouble one day if you're not careful. I am going to have to request that you leave Misery and never return. I am more than capable of dealing with this town's problems. I do not need a Paladin from Limerick to tell me how to run my own abbey!<br> [[The Order will hear of your transgressions. It has become clear that you are unfit for duty. As a Paladin of Limerick, I invoke Terminus- you are hereby stripped of your rank and station among the Order. I will preside over Misery until the Order can appoint a more appropriate leader.]]VICAR: Yes, we all need a vacation from our Holy Duties from time to time. The burden we bear is heavy, and even the strongest of us must rest when the weight becomes unbearable. But alas, our burdens are naught compared to the plight of the common folk! Things have taken quite a sour turn for Misery of late! This plague has wiped out nearly half the villagers, and the poor souls have been helpless to do anything about it.<br> [[Why haven't YOU done something about it? You're their Paladin- their Vicar!]] [[Cut the crap. The magic of a Vicar is more than powerful enough to end a plague. Why have you done nothing?]]VICAR: What can I do? I cannot fight against the forces of nature. It is simply the way of life. The weak die and the strong survive. This plague will run its course in due time, and our town will be stronger for it.<br> [[Why is so much money being poured into new furnishings for this abbey instead of being used for food and medicine for the sick? Surely you can do SOMETHING!]] [[The Order will hear of your transgressions. It has become clear that you are unfit for duty. As a Paladin of Limerick, I invoke Terminus- you are hereby stripped of your rank and station among the Order. I will preside over Misery until the Order can appoint a more appropriate leader.]]VICAR: I am going to have to request that you leave Misery and never return. I am more than capable of dealing with this town's problems. I do not need a Paladin from Limerick to tell me how to run my own abbey!<br> [[The Order will hear of your transgressions. It has become clear that you are unfit for duty. As a Paladin of Limerick, I invoke Terminus- you are hereby stripped of your rank and station among the Order. I will preside over Misery until the Order can appoint a more appropriate leader.]]VICAR: The funds for the abbey come directly from the hearts of the people. They give graciously knowing that their generous contributions will be put to good use. Their offerings ensure that future generations may also find peace and solace in the arms of the abbey. We cannot simply hand those graciously given coins to every beggar that comes crawling to our doorstep now can we?<br> [[Your actions disgust me, Vicar. You bring shame upon our Order.]] [[The Order will hear of your transgressions. It has become clear that you are unfit for duty. As a Paladin of Limerick, I invoke Terminus- you are hereby stripped of your rank and station among the Order. I will preside over Misery until the Order can appoint a more appropriate leader.]]VICAR: Over my dead body.<br> [[Continue|draguns]]VICAR: I am going to have to request that you leave Misery and never return. I am more than capable of dealing with this town's problems. I do not need a Paladin from Limerick to tell me how to run my own abbey!<br> [[The Order will hear of your transgressions. It has become clear that you are unfit for duty. As a Paladin of Limerick, I invoke Terminus- you are hereby stripped of your rank and station among the Order. I will preside over Misery until the Order can appoint a more appropriate leader.]]VICAR: Not since the old fool set off into the Wasteland on some idealistic quest to slay The Dragon. I doubt we'll ever see any sign of the Archbishop again. Vassago the Vile is not one to be trifled with.<br> [[What do you know about Vassago?]] [[I want to discuss the plague. The people of this town are dying. The Order has recieved no notice or request for aid in Misery, and from what the townsfolk tell me you've done nothing to help. I want some answers.|Drop the act, Vicar. The people of this town are dying. The Order has received no notice or request for aid in Misery, and from what the townsfolk tell me you've done nothing to help. I want some answers.]]VICAR: Very little. My concern is for my flock. If the Dragon were such a grave threat I would have dealt with him personally. However, it seems like our esteemed Archbishop seeks only glory in a flamboyant pursuit of fame and narcissism.<br> [[The Archbishop never struck me as the type to seek out fame. I remember him as a humble man willing to put his own life and comfort on the line for the betterment of his flock.]] [[I want to discuss the plague. The people of this town are dying. The Order has recieved no notice or request for aid in Misery, and from what the townsfolk tell me you've done nothing to help. I want some answers.|Drop the act, Vicar. The people of this town are dying. The Order has received no notice or request for aid in Misery, and from what the townsfolk tell me you've done nothing to help. I want some answers.]]VICAR: Then perhaps he is not the man you once knew. Is there anything else you need, Paladin?<br> [[I want to discuss the plague. The people of this town are dying. The Order has recieved no notice or request for aid in Misery, and from what the townsfolk tell me you've done nothing to help. I want some answers.|Drop the act, Vicar. The people of this town are dying. The Order has received no notice or request for aid in Misery, and from what the townsfolk tell me you've done nothing to help. I want some answers.]]The Vicar throws off his cape and draws his guns!<br> [[Draw your guns and shoot him]] [[Blast him with your magic staff]] [[Beat the crap out of him]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Shoot him with the Nepton Blaster]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You draw your guns and shoot the Vicar in the belly. He drops his weapons and falls to his knees.<br> [[Continue|shotvicarr]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 3>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The Vicar is too quick- he shoots you in the leg! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagains]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You shoot a fireball right at the Vicar's belly! He smashes into the wall, drops his weapons, and falls to his knees.<br> [[Continue|shotvicarr]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 3>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The Vicar is too quick- he shoots you in the leg! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagains]] <</if>>\VICAR: You... you rotten traitor!<br> [[Arrest the Vicar]] [[Kill the Vicar]] <<set $quest += 1>>\<<if $hp gte 1>>\ The Vicar takes aim again!<br> [[Shoot him|Draw your guns and shoot him]] [[Blast him with your magic staff]] [[Beat the crap out of him]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ You have run out of HP! Your journey ends here... YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\You haul the Vicar into the middle of town. There is a holding pen where criminals who have been sentenced to death are kept nearby. One of the guards is still on duty. You toss the Vicar into the holding pen and order the guard to keep a close eye on him. The guard nods his head vigorously and promises the Vicar will remain under lock and key.<br> [[Continue|totwon]]You pick up one of the Vicar's silver guns and press the barrel to his temple. His eyes burn with fury, but his hate dissipates the instant you blow his brains out all over the walls.<br> [[Continue|vcdead]]With the Vicar dead, this town is without a Paladin. It will be your job to protect these people until the Order can send a new Paladin to watch over them. You toss the silver gun on the ground and exit the abbey.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]]Now that the Vicar is out of the picture you must decide what to do next.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]]<<set $mine += 1>>\ <<set $quest = 0>>\ DORIO: I've been looking everywhere for you! We've got a serious dragon problem.<br> [[What's going on?|goingong]] [[It's good to see you, too.|goingong]]DORIO: There's been an attack at the copper mine just outside of town. Vassago the Vile has left his desert fortress and come to Misery.<br> [[I thought the Archbishop went to kill Vassago?]] [[The copper mine? Why should we risk our necks saving those people? The miners are all prisoners- heretics, heathens, and Oathbreakers.]] [[Lead the way. I'm right behind you.]] [[I have a few things I need to finish first. I'll meet you at the mine when I'm ready.]]DORIO: The Archbishop was killed. Vassago is a ruthless dragon. I have great respect for the Archbishop, but he never should have gone after that demon alone. Slingshot and Princess Lute are on their way to the mine now.<br> [[The copper mine? Why should we risk our necks saving those people? The miners are all prisoners- heretics, heathens, and Oathbreakers.]] [[Lead the way. I'm right behind you.]] [[I have a few things I need to finish first. I'll meet you at the mine when I'm ready.]]DORIO: Do you want me to bore you with the political reasons or humor you with moral ones?<br> [[I thought the Archbishop went to kill Vassago?]] [[You're right. Forget I said anything. Lead the way, I'll be right behind you.|Lead the way. I'm right behind you.]] [[Ah, Dorio, you little rascal. Listen, I have a few things I need to finish first. I'll meet you at the mine when I'm ready.|I have a few things I need to finish first. I'll meet you at the mine when I'm ready.]]You and Dorio leap onto your stallions and race out of Misery, charging towards the mine at top speed. You arrive to find Princess Lute and Slingshot waiting outside.<br> [[Continue|theaplsh]]You leap onto your stallion and race out of Misery, charging towards the mine at top speed. You arrive to find Dorio, Princess Lute, and Slingshot waiting outside.<br> [[Continue|theaplsh]]<<set $farmdoor = 0>>\ The building looks like an ancient ruin. You can't imagine anyone actually living here. The crumbling walls reveal exposed beams and rotten, decaying floorboards.<br> [[Enter the farmhouse]] [[Look through a window]] [[Investigate the shed]] [[Explore the fields]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\You peek through one of the dusty farmhouse windows. Once your eyes adjust to the dim lighting, you spot a rat scurrying across the wooden floor. Nothing else moves within.<br> [[Enter the farmhouse]] [[Investigate the shed]] [[Explore the fields]]<<if visited("inshed")>>\ Nothing more to be found here.<br> [[Continue|fama]] <<else>>\ You approach the shed.<br> [[Continue|totheshed]] <</if>>\<<if visited("thefla")>>\ There's nothing more of use to be found out here.<br> [[Continue|fama]] <<else>>\ You begin searching the fields. The soil has been baked solid by the unforgiving sun- it's clear that nothing but devil weed has grown here for many years.<br> [[Continue|thefla]] <</if>>\What do you want to do?<br> [[Enter the farmhouse]] [[Look through a window]] [[Investigate the shed]] [[Explore the fields]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\<<if $shedkey gte 1>>\ <<set $inventory.delete("Copper Key")>>\ You unlock the door using the copper key and step inside.<br> [[Continue|inshed]] <<else>>\ The shed door is locked. You will need a copper key to open it.<br> [[Continue|fama]] <</if>>\You grab the gunbelts and sling them over your shoulders. This should supply you with enough ammunition to kill an entire army if you had to! +1 skill. You grab the key and put it in your pocket.<br> [[Continue|fama]] <<set $skill += 1>>\ <<set $farmdoor += 1>>\ <<set $inventory.push("Gunbelts")>>\ <<set $inventory.push("Iron Key")>>\This shed was used for storing farming supplies. Shovels, rakes, and spades hang from racks on the walls. In the far back of the shed you find two criss-crossing gunbelts draped over a wooden chair. An iron key hangs on a hook nearby.<br> [[Take the gunbelts and key|Take the gunbelts]]<<if $farmdoor gte 1>>\ <<set $inventory.delete("Iron Key")>>\ You unlock the door using the iron key and step inside.<br> [[Continue|inshedfarm]] <<else>>\ The door is locked. You will need an iron key to open it.<br> [[Continue|fama]] <</if>>\As you examine the mud more closely, you notice several odd footprints. They appear to be the paw prints of very large rats.<br> [[Continue|largere]]Just then you hear the snap of brittle grass. You whip your head around and spot three disfigured rat-men shambling towards you from a cluster of cactuses. They hiss at you. A feral gleam flashes in their eyes and they grin in horrible, twisted grimaces, revealing rows of crooked, serrated fangs. Suddenly they spring forward and attack!<br> [[Shoot them with your revolvers]] [[Make them explode with a spell]] [[Powerbomb them]]<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You shoot 20 holes in the rat-men and blow their guts out of their backs. The disgusting creatures flop to the ground and instantly get swarmed by hungry flies.<br> [[Continue|shottarts]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 3>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The rat-men bite you! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagainsrats]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You cast a spell on the rat-men. Their guts explode out of their backs. The disgusting creatures flop to the ground and instantly get swarmed by hungry flies.<br> [[Continue|shottarts]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 3>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The rat-men bite you! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagainsrats]] <</if>>\You prod one of the smelly corpses with the toe of your boot. The creature's skin sloughs off and you discover a few coins and a copper key hidden in it's maggoty belly. You take the key and put it in your pocket. +5 gold.<br> [[Continue|fama]] <<set $shedkey += 1>>\ <<set $gold += 5>>\ <<set $inventory.push("Copper Key")>>\<<if $hp gte 1>>\ The rat-men gnash their teeth.<br> [[Shoot them with your revolvers]] [[Make them explode with a spell]] [[Powerbomb them]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ You have run out of HP! Your journey ends here... YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\The building smells like mold. A fat, pus-filled rat rolls over in the corner and pops. Green slime and pus gush out of the rodent's eyes and belly.<br> [[Continue|poped]]Just then an enormous rat-man drops down from the ceiling. It lands in front of you on the dusty floor and rises up to its full height. It stands eye-to-eye with you.<br> [[Kill it]] [[Talk to it]] <<set $quest += 1>>\Suddenly dozens of decaying rat-men flop from the ceiling. Many explode when they hit the floor, covering the ground in pus and guts. The others begin to circle you, eager for a meal.<br> [[Banish them to a void dimension with spells]] [[Shoot their brains out]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\MORT: Magic and guns in the house of rats! Unwelcome! Begone! My spawn will feast on your eyeballs!<br> [[What are you?]] [[Your spawn?]] [[What happened to the rat catchers?]]MORT: I am Mort the Vort!<br> [[What is a Vort?]] [[What are the spawn you mentioned?|Your spawn?]] [[What happened to the rat catchers?]]MORT: The spawn are my children. They live to serve me. They are Vort! Vort are divine!<br> [[You're disgusting! I will cleanse this place of the plague you've brought to Misery!]] [[What is a Vort?]] [[What happened to the rat catchers?]]MORT: We ARE the rat catchers! We have been chosen! We have ascended! The Vort are divine!<br> [[You're disgusting! I will cleanse this place of the plague you've brought to Misery!]] [[What are you?]] [[What are the spawn you mentioned?|Your spawn?]]MORT: Vort are divine! We have been shaped into the purest form of reality! Look upon my form and be dazzled!<br> [[Um... yes, you are quite beautiful...]] [[Ugh! You're hideous! Was your creator blind and drunk when he crafted you? Was this some twisted practical joke?]]MORT: Aha! At last one who appreciates our true beauty! Do you wish to become one of us, Paladin? Do you wish to become divine?<br> [[Yes! I want to become a Vort!]] [[Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass.|pasit]] [[I was just trying to be polite. I actually think you're completely hideous.|pasit]]MORT: You dare insult me, Paladin? You think yourself better than the Vort? We will devour your eyeballs and chew on your fingernails! We are divine!<br> [[Continue|vortfight]]Suddenly dozens of decaying rat-men flop from the ceiling. Many explode when they hit the floor, covering the ground in pus and guts. The others begin to circle you, eager for a meal.<br> [[Banish them to a void dimension with spells]] [[Shoot their brains out]] [[Pulverize them with cool wrestling moves]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You rip open a portal to the void and cast a powerful whirlwind spell. The rat-men are blown into the portal! You seal the rift and heave a sigh of relief.<br> [[Continue|shottarratsdeadts]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 3>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The rat-men slash your arms! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagainsrats1]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You shoot the rat-men! Their brains splatter all over the walls. You re-holster your guns and heave a sigh of relief.<br> [[Continue|shottarratsdeadts]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 3>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The rat-men gnaw on your legs! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagainsrats1]] <</if>>\Mort the Vort bites your arm. The rat disease takes hold quickly. You scream in agony as your skin melts off. Your fingers turn into paws and patchy fur rips out of your body. Your vision begins to blur and your belly expands.<br> [[Continue|vortehk]]MORT: You dare insult me, Paladin? You think yourself better than the Vort? We will devour your eyeballs and chew on your fingernails! We are divine!<br> [[Continue|vortfight]]MORT: You dare insult me, Paladin? You think yourself better than the Vort? We will devour your eyeballs and chew on your fingernails! We are divine!<br> [[Continue|vortfight]]You can feel the slime and pus swelling inside you, making you grow fatter and fatter. Suddenly your left eyeball pops in an explosion of green slime. You scream in terror as pus begins to seep out of your arms and ears. You flop to the ground and explode in a geyser of goo. Most of the Vort never get past this part, so don't feel bad. Actually, you don't feel anything at all. YOU ARE DEAD.<br> [[GAME OVER.]]Restart or load from a save point. Otherwise, you can end your adventure here in defeat.The ground around the entrance has been scorched by dragon fire. The rocks leading into the mine look like they've been shredded by massive, razor-sharp claws.<br> [[Continue|iuu]]PRINCESS LUTE: Have you had any word from the miners trapped inside?<br> [[Continue|trapedingh]]SLINGSHOT: None. Vassago is as ruthless as the stories say; he’s lined the tunnels with traps and hired a troop of hobgoblins to patrol the passageways. Getting in won’t be easy.<br> [[What sort of traps are we up against?]] [[Can the hobgoblins be paid off to leave?]] [[Follow me. I’ll take the lead on this one.]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\SLINGSHOT: Dynamite has been set up among the rocks just inside. If we venture in too deep, it’s likely we’ll trigger a detonation, which would trap us inside. I also overheard a few of the hobgoblins discussing a tunnel filled with pendulum blades and a false floor somewhere hiding a spike pit. We’ll need to be extremely careful.<br> [[Can the hobgoblins be paid off to leave?]] [[Follow me. I’ll take the lead on this one.]]SLINGSHOT: That depends... do the hobgoblins love gold more than they fear Vassago? I'm not sure they do. I think we should be ready to fight.<br> [[What sort of traps are we up against?]] [[Follow me. I’ll take the lead on this one.]]You lead the Paladins into the mine.<br> [[Continue|paladinsinmine]]<<if visited("What sort of traps are we up against?")>>\ You glance up at the rocks overhead. It’s just like Slingshot said- the tunnel is lined with a ton of dynamite.<br> [[Have Slingshot sneak ahead and search for the hobgoblin holding the detonator]] [[Order Princess Lute to cast a shield spell around the dynamite so the explosions will be contained]] [[Ask Dorio to begin disarming the dynamite so it won’t explode if a trigger is hit]] <<else>>\ Without warning, the tunnel explodes! The entrance was filled with dynamite, and by recklessly entering the mine you’ve triggered the trap! The rocks behind you come crumbling down. Roll a 7 or higher to avoid the falling rocks.<br> [[ROLL|rockdodge]] <</if>>\Now that the rat-men have been dealt with, there is a good chance that this mysterious "plague" will cease to be an issue.<br> [[Search the farmhouse]] [[Return to town|mainstreet]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <<set $maid = 3>>\<<if $hp gte 1>>\ The rat-men circle you.<br> [[Banish them to a void dimension with spells]] [[Shoot their brains out]] [[Pulverize them with cool wrestling moves]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ You have run out of HP! Your journey ends here... YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\You wander through the farmhouse and discover a crate labelled "Neptunium Quartezite." It appears to be filled with scraps of metal.<br> [[Take the box]] [[Return to town|mainstreet]]<<set $nepton += 1>>\ <<set $inventory.push("Neptunium Quartezite")>>\ You take the box of metal and exit the farmhouse.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]]RUMDOODLE: You did?? Excellent! With this metal, I can finally complete my experiment! Please, wait there for just a moment.<br> [[Continue|takesgu]] <<set $quest += 1>>\ <<set $inventory.delete("Neptunium Quartezite")>>\You notice Dorio, a fellow Paladin, talking to one of the couriers nearby. The courier points in your direction and Dorio's eyes light up when he spots you. He thanks the courier and runs to your side.<br> [[Continue|doriohere]]Slingshot creeps down the passageway, silent as a shadow. He rounds a corner and suddenly you hear a loud commotion. Slingshot and one of the hobgoblins come tumbling out into the passageway, fighting for control of the detonator!<br> [[Shoot the hobgoblin]] [[Cast a freezing spell on the hobgoblin]] [[Tackle the hobgoblin and choke him out]]Princess Lute casts a shield spell, but her magic emits a bright glow! Four ugly hobgoblins enter the tunnel, drawn by the light.<br> [[Kill them]] [[Talk to them]]Dorio begins to dismantle the dynamite, but the work takes longer than expected. Before he can finish, three ugly hobgoblins enter the tunnel on patrol.<br> [[Kill them]] [[Talk to them]]<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $sneaky>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You roll away from the falling rocks, but a dozen hobgoblins have been drawn by the sound of the explosion!<br> [[Continue|Kill them]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> <<set $hp -= 4>>\ The rocks crash down on you! -4 HP.<br> [[Continue|rocfailedkdodge]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You put a bullet right between the hobgoblin’s eyes. Slingshot staggers to his feet and hands the detonator to Dorio, who carefully dismantles it. The way ahead is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclear]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> You take aim, but Slingshot is in the way! The hobgoblin bites Slingshot’s wrist. The lanky Paladin cries out in pain and releases his grip on the detonator. The hobgoblin springs away and sets off the dynamite! The walls around you explode inward and rocks come tumbling down. Roll a 7 or higher to avoid the falling rocks.<br> [[ROLL|rockdodge]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You blast the hobgoblin with a wave of magical energy. The brute freezes in place. Slingshot pries the detonator out of the hobgoblin's clenched fist and hands it to Dorio, who carefully dismantles it. The way ahead is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclear]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> You take aim, but Slingshot is in the way! The hobgoblin bites Slingshot’s wrist. The lanky Paladin cries out in pain and releases his grip on the detonator. The hobgoblin springs away and sets off the dynamite! The walls around you explode inward and rocks come tumbling down. Roll a 7 or higher to avoid the falling rocks.<br> [[ROLL|rockdodge]] <</if>>\You enter a stone chamber. Three doors lead on deeper into the mine. The door on the left is labelled "Dining Hall." The center door is labelled "The Vault." The door on the right is missing it's label. What do you want to do?<br> [[Enter the unlabelled door]] [[Enter the Vault]] [[Enter the Dining Hall]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <<set $mush = 0>>\The hobgoblins charge forward and attack!<br> [[Shoot the hobgoblins]] [[Put the hobgoblins to sleep with magic]] [[Crush them with karate moves]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill them with the Nepton Blaster]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\What will you say?<br> [[I take it you've been paid to stand guard? Tell ya what, we will pay you extra gold to leave these tunnels and never come back. What do you say?]] [[You better get out of our way or I'll slaughter you all!]]HOBGOBLIN: How much will you pay?<br> [[5 gold]] [[10 gold]] [[20 gold]] [[Forget it, I'm not paying anything! Prepare to die!]]HOBGOBLIN: If we allow you to pass the Dragon will kill us anyway! Your threats are meaningless. Death to the intruders!<br> [[Continue|Kill them]]HOBGOBLIN: 5 gold? Hah! The Dragon would kill us and eat our descendants and you offer us a few coins? Idiot! You are intruders, and therefore you will die!<br> [[Continue|goblinfight]]HOBGOBLIN: 10 gold? Hah! The Dragon would kill us and eat our descendants and you offer us a few coins? Idiot! You are intruders, and therefore you will die!<br> [[Continue|goblinfight]]HOBGOBLIN: A generous offer! Very well, we will take your gold. But see to it that Vassago is killed. He will hunt us to the ends of the earth if you fail.<br> [[Continue|checkgold]]The hobgoblins charge forward and attack!<br> [[Shoot the hobgoblins]] [[Put the hobgoblins to sleep with magic]]The hobgoblins charge forward and attack!<br> [[Shoot the hobgoblins]] [[Put the hobgoblins to sleep with magic]]<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You kill the hobgoblins! The way ahead is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclear]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> <<set $hp -= 3>>\ The hobgoblins stab you with swords! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|rocfailedkdodgehobby]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You cast a sleeping spell on the hobgoblins! They immediately drop into a dreamless slumber. The way ahead is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclear]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> <<set $hp -= 3>>\ The hobgoblins poke you with spears! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|rocfailedkdodgehobby]] <</if>>\<<if $gold gte 20>>\ <<set $gold -= 20>>\ You hand the hobgoblins 20 gold coins. They excitedly discuss the new team jackets they're going to purchase as they exit the tunnel. The way ahead is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclear]] <<else>>\ You begin digging around in your pockets. You heart drops when you realize you don't have enough gold!<br> [[Continue|duped]] <</if>>\HOBGOBLIN: What's this? Some sort of Paladin trick? If you don't have gold, then you're an intruder- prepare for death!<br> [[Continue|Kill them]]<<if $hp gte 1>>\ You struggle to your feet, but a dozen hobgoblins have been drawn by the sound of the explosion!<br> [[Continue|Kill them]] <<else>>\ You have run out of HP! Your journey ends here... YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\<<if $hp gte 1>>\ The hobgoblins laugh and prepare to attack again.<br> [[Shoot the hobgoblins]] [[Put the hobgoblins to sleep with magic]] [[Crush them with karate moves]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ You have run out of HP! Your journey ends here... YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\<<if visited("iiiiuudd")>>\ Nothing more to be found in here.<br> [[Continue|3doors]] <<else>>\ You enter the dining hall.<br> [[Continue|iiiiuudd]] <</if>>\<<if $inventory.indexOf("Runestone") gte 0>>\ <<set $inventory.delete("Runestone")>>\ You insert the runestone into the slot on the door. The stone door slides away. You lead the Paladins into the next room.<br> [[Continue|thenextroom]] <<else>>\ This door is made of polished stone. There is a locking mechanism on the door. It looks like a runestone will need to be inserted into the slot to open the door.<br> [[Continue|3doors]] <</if>>\<<if visited("balancechek")>>\ Nothing of use in there.<br> [[Continue|3doors]] <<else>>\ You push open the old wooden door. At the last second you realize you're about to step into a pit of spikes! Roll a 7 or higher to catch your balance.<br> [[ROLL|balancechek]] <</if>>\<<set $mush += 1>>\ <<set $inventory.push("Mushrooms")>>\ You take the mushrooms and return to the main chamber.<br> [[Continue|3doors]]What do you want to do?<br> [[Enter the unlabelled door]] [[Enter the Vault]] [[Enter the Dining Hall]] <<if $mush gte 1>>\ [[Eat the mushrooms]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\<<set $skill -= 2>>\ <<set $mush -= 1>>\ <<set $inventory.delete("Mushrooms")>>\ You eat the mushrooms. Your vision blurs and you begin pooping in your pants. The mushrooms were poisonous. They leave you weak and sickly. -2 skill.<br> <<return "Continue">><<set $hp = 10>>\ <<set $pizza -= 1>>\ Pizza time! HP restored.<br> <<return "Back">>The tunnel ahead is lined with swinging pendulum blades.<br> [[Continue|pendulusm]]DORIO: Don't take too long. The miners could all be dead by the time we get there!<br> [[Continue|dorliasl]]Dorio leaps onto his stallion and gallops away.<br> [[Continue|mainstreet]]<<set $maid = 5>>\ BARMAID: Everything all right, Paladin?<br> [[The rat plague has been dealt with. This town should begin to heal soon.]] [[Goodbye.|insidesaloon]]BARMAID: That is wonderful news! I will continue to watch over the sick folks until they're cured, but you've done a great service for Misery. Please, accept this small token as a gift.<br> [[Continue|maidgift]]The barmaid hands you a magic ring. +1 magic! You thank the barmaid and leave.<br> [[Continue|insidesaloon]] <<set $magic += 1>>\ <<set $inventory.push("Magic Ring")>>\You throw a tomato at the miner's face. The hobgoblins laugh until they realize you're an intruder. Then they glare at you angrily.<br> [[Continue|Tell the hobgoblins to stop]]HOBGOBLIN: Who are you?<br> [[Uh... we are the... um... mine inspectors? We were hired by Vassago to make sure this facility is structurally sound.]] [[We're the ones who are going to kill you and Vassago the Vile!]]You let out an impressive toot. The hobgoblins spin around and stare at you in surprise.<br> [[Continue|farted]]HOBGOBLIN: That was a mighty fart indeed! But who are you? How did you get past the Alpha Patrol Unit and our dynamite trap?<br> [[Uh... we are the... um... mine inspectors? We were hired by Vassago to make sure this facility is structurally sound.]] [[We're the ones who are going to kill you and Vassago the Vile!]]HOBGOBLIN: Well? How does everything look?<br> [[Unfortunately it appears that the stockade on the lower east side is crumbling. There's been an outbreak of mold and it's eating away at your support beams. We're going to have to evacuate the facility immediately.]] [[It looks like we're going to have to kick your butts!]]The hobgoblins charge forward and attack!<br> [[Shoot the hobgoblins|shooter2]] [[Put the hobgoblins to sleep with magic|sleepermagic]] [[Kick their heads off]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill them with the Nepton Blaster|neptt]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\HOBGOBLIN: By Gorm's Flabby Butt! Vassago doesn't offer hazard pay. Move out you lot, and cover your nose holes! Don't let the mold contaminate you!<br> [[Continue|boglsk]]The hobgoblins charge forward and attack!<br> [[Shoot the hobgoblins|shooter2]] [[Put the hobgoblins to sleep with magic|sleepermagic]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\The hobgoblins file out of the room. The trembling miner covers his face as you approach.<br> [[Continue|theminer]]MINER: I've been exposed, I know it! They sentenced me to six years working in this rotten hole. My time is almost up, but if there's mold in here then I've been breathing it in all along! Oh, by all the gods! Please put me out of my misery and let this nightmare end!<br> [[Get a hold of yourself! There's no mold. That was just a clever ruse to get the hobgoblins out of the way. We're here to save the miners and kill Vassago.]] [[Yeah, dude. You're gonna die. Sorry.]]MINER: No mold? So... I'm gonna live? You came to save me? Hooray! Listen, Vassago has sealed himself inside the Vault with most of my crew. The Vault can only be unlocked with a runestone.<br> [[Continue|takethiskey]]The miner wails and exits the room. He drops a mysterious runestone on the ground as he runs away. You pick it up. Runestone added to inventory.<br> [[Take some pizza out of the boxes on the table]] [[Exit the room|3doors]] <<set $inventory.push("Runestone")>>\ <<set $runestone += 1>>\MINER: Lucky for you, I have one right here! Please, take this. Help yourself to anything else you find in this dump! I'm getting out of here.<br> [[Continue|theshdhyf]]The miner hands you a runestone and leaves.<br> [[Take some pizza out of the boxes on the table]] [[Exit the room|3doors]] <<set $inventory.push("Runestone")>>\ <<set $runestone += 1>>\You grab 3 slices of pizza. Nice!<br> [[Leave|3doors]] <<set $pizza += 3>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You kill the hobgoblins! The room is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclearxx]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> <<set $hp -= 3>>\ The hobgoblins stab you with swords! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|rocfailedkdodgehobby3]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You cast a sleeping spell on the hobgoblins! They immediately fall asleep on the tables.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclearxx]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> <<set $hp -= 3>>\ The hobgoblins poke you with spears! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|rocfailedkdodgehobby3]] <</if>>\MINER: You saved me! Thank you so much! Listen, Vassago has sealed himself inside the Vault with most of my crew. The Vault can only be unlocked with a runestone.<br> [[Continue|takethiskey]]<<if $hp gte 1>>\ The hobgoblins giggle and prepare to attack again.<br> [[Shoot the hobgoblins|shooter2]] [[Put the hobgoblins to sleep with magic|sleepermagic]] [[Kick their heads off]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ You have run out of HP! Your journey ends here... YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\SLINGSHOT: Just like the hobgoblins said. Unless my eyes are mistaken, that lever at the far end of the hallway should shut off the blades. What's your plan for getting across?<br> [[Princess Lute, cast a wind spell to push that lever into the "off" position.]] [[Slingshot, I want you to run across. I'll cast a time warp spell to slow the blades down for a moment.]] [[Dorio, can you dismantle these traps one by one?]]Princess Lute casts a wind spell, but there are too many swinging blades in the way. Despite her best efforts, she is unable to flip the switch at the far end of the hallway by magic.<br> [[Slingshot, I want you to run across. I'll cast a time warp spell to slow the blades down for a moment.]] [[Dorio, can you dismantle these traps one by one?]]SLINGSHOT: Are you crazy? I have a better idea: why don't YOU run through and WE will cast a time warp spell to slow the blades?<br> [[Go through yourself]] [[Make Slingshot go through]]DORIO: Not from here. This one is going to need a little magic, I think.<br> [[Princess Lute, cast a wind spell to push that lever into the "off" position.]] [[Slingshot, I want you to run across. I'll cast a time warp spell to slow the blades down for a moment.]]Your companions cast a spell on the swinging pendulum blades, slowing them down so much that they're almost frozen in place. You weave your way through the razor maze and yank the lever on the far side.<br> [[Continue|leveryank]]Slingshot's life hangs in your hands. Roll a 7 or higher to cast a successful time warp spell.<br> [[ROLL|timewarp]]<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $sneaky>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You spring over the spike pit at the last second. Phew! That was a close one.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclearxxoverspike]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> <<set $hp -= 4>>\ You lose your balance and fall into the spike pit! -4 HP.<br> [[Continue|rocfailedkdodgehobbyspiked3]] <</if>>\You find yourself standing in a collapsed tunnel. The path ahead is blocked. However, you spot wild mushrooms growing along the wall.<br> [[Take the mushrooms]] [[Go back|3doors]]<<if $hp gte 1>>\ Your companions help pull you out of the pit. It wasn't deep and the gap isn't far, it just caught you by surprise. You spring over the pit and enter the hallway ahead.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclearxxoverspike]] <<else>>\ You have run out of HP! Your journey ends here... YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\The blades immediately retract into the ceiling. Your companions follow you into the next area.<br> [[Continue|nextranr]]You are standing in a hallway leading to a gigantic chamber. You can see ore and precious minerals glittering in the walls, lighting your way.<br> [[Continue|wlaksjf]]Hundreds of weak and feeble miners have been chained to the walls. It looks like something has been sapping their energy.<br> [[Talk to the miners]] [[Free the miners]] [[Enter the main chamber]]MINER: Please... save us! The Shyfter is going to kill us...<br> [[Shyfter?]] [[Where is Vassago?]] [[What happened to everyone?]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\You begin breaking the shackles of the miners. Once enough of them are free, they begin to assist with freeing their companions. You and the other Paladins enter the main chamber.<br> [[Continue|Enter the main chamber]]A horrific sight meets your eyes- Vassago, the enormous metallic shapeshifting dragon, is sucking out miners' brains through a straw! He tosses the drained husks into a pile on the far side of the room and burps loudly. He picks his teeth and grins at you.<br> [[Care to monologue about your evil Shyfter plan before we kick your butt?]] [[It's time for a good old fashioned CRYPT SHYFTER boss fight! Bring it on, Vassago!]]MINER: Vassago... he is a Shyfter. He feasts on the life energy of others! Please... you must save us from this terrible fate!<br> [[Free the miners]] [[Enter the main chamber]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\MINER: He is in the chamber ahead. But you must free us! He feasts on the life energy of others! Please... you must save us from this terrible fate!<br> [[Free the miners]] [[Enter the main chamber]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\MINER: Vassago... he is a Shyfter. He feasts on the life energy of others! Please... you must save us from this terrible fate!<br> [[Free the miners]] [[Enter the main chamber]] <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You cast a powerful spell on the swinging pendulum blades, slowing them down so much that they're almost frozen in place. Slingshot weaves his way through the razor maze and yanks the lever on the far side.<br> [[Continue|leveryank2]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> You cast a powerful spell on the swinging pendulum blades, slowing them down so much that they're almost frozen in place. Slingshot weaves his way through the razor maze, but just before he reaches the end you lose your concentration and the spell fades!<br> [[Continue|rocfailedkdodgehobbyspikedxx3]] <</if>>\The blades immediately retract into the ceiling. You and your companions head into the next area.<br> [[Continue|nextranr]]Slingshot is sliced to ribbons by the swinging blades. Horrified, you cast the spell once again, this time so powerfully and with such raw emotion that you destroy the blades! You and your companions cross the hallway to your fallen friend, but there is nothing that can be done. Slingshot is dead.<br> [[Continue|slingdead]]You are heartbroken at your friend's death, but more will die at the hands of Vassago if you don't hurry. Your companions follow you into the next area.<br> [[Continue|nextranr]]VASSAGO: My plan? I believe you can see that for yourself. My mechanical body has grown old, and I no longer generate sufficient energy to power myself. Therefore, I must roam from town to town, gathering up living creatures and draining their life energy.<br> [[Continue|vassagosstroy]]Vassago roars and attacks!<br> [[Kill him with bullets]] [[Kill him with spells]] [[Kill him with kung fu]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\VASSAGO: It is a pathetic existence, but one that I am compelled to endure nonetheless.<br> [[Wow, that's... actually kind of a sad story. Most Shyfters just want world domination or something...]] [[Save the sob story for someone who cares! You're going down, tin head!]]VASSAGO: World domination? What a deliciously interesting idea! Hmmm... yes, that's it! Thank you! You have opened my eyes, Paladin, and given me a new purpose- a new reason to exist! The possibilities are endless... I can become the most powerful Shyfter in the universe!<br> [[Wait- what? No. I didn't mean- crap! Did I just come up with an evil plan for you!?|ooppoopp]] [[I really can't tell if you're being serious or just trolling me.|ooppoopp]]Vassago roars and attacks!<br> [[Kill him with bullets]] [[Kill him with spells]] [[Kill him with kung fu]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\VASSAGO: Naturally, you and your friends will have to die. But don't fret! This will be a great honor for you. You will be the first victims I devour on my new path to world domination! It's almost poetic, don't you think?<br> [[Enough yapping! It's time to fight!]] [[I really think we should discuss this a little more before jumping into anything. I mean, world domination is sort of a long term goal, don't you think? You need to make sure your mindset is right first...]]Vassago roars and attacks!<br> [[Kill him with bullets]] [[Kill him with spells]] [[Kill him with kung fu]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\Vassago roars and attacks!<br> [[Kill him with bullets]] [[Kill him with spells]] [[Kill him with kung fu]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs Dorio and sucks out his brain! He tosses the corpse aside and prepares to attack again.<br> [[Kill him with bullets|bullllll]] [[Kill him with spells|spelllllll]] [[Kill him with kung fu|fuuuuu]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns|gunnnnnn]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs Dorio and sucks out his brain! He tosses the corpse aside and prepares to attack again.<br> [[Kill him with bullets|bullllll]] [[Kill him with spells|spelllllll]] [[Kill him with kung fu|fuuuuu]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns|gunnnnnn]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <</if>>\You pull out the Nepton Blaster and shoot the Vicar. A revolver smacks him in the face, spins in the air, and shoots him in the belly before clattering to the floor.<br> [[Continue|shotvicarr]]You shoot guns at the hobgoblins. The guns begin firing at random, twirling in the air and shooting hobgoblins left and right. It's a total massacre. The way ahead is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclear]]You shoot the hobgoblins with guns! Revolvers and rifles smack off their arms and heads. The hobgoblins try to swat the guns away, like swatting away a swarm of annoying flies, but suddenly the guns start shooting them! The hobgoblins get slaughtered. The room is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclearxx]]<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs Dorio and sucks out his brain! He tosses the corpse aside and prepares to attack again.<br> [[Kill him with bullets|bullllll]] [[Kill him with spells|spelllllll]] [[Kill him with kung fu|fuuuuu]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns|gunnnnnn]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <</if>>\At last, after you've unloaded every last bullet and cast every last spell, the Dragon leans forward to gobble you up. In a moment of clarity, you see a vision of yourself not as a Paladin wandering across the wild frontier, but as a primitive barbarian savage with beefy arms and totally rad kung fu skills fighting monsters in a jungle.<br> [[Continue|channell]]<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs Princess Lute and sucks out her brain! He tosses the corpse aside and prepares to attack again.<br> [[Kill him with bullets|bullllll2]] [[Kill him with spells|spelllllll2]] [[Kill him with kung fu|fungunggug]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns|gunnnnnn2]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs Princess Lute and sucks out her brain! He tosses the corpse aside and prepares to attack again.<br> [[Kill him with bullets|bullllll2]] [[Kill him with spells|spelllllll2]] [[Kill him with kung fu|fungunggug]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns|gunnnnnn2]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs Princess Lute and sucks out her brain! He tosses the corpse aside and prepares to attack again.<br> [[Kill him with bullets|bullllll2]] [[Kill him with spells|spelllllll2]] [[Kill him with kung fu|fungunggug]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns|gunnnnnn2]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <</if>>\Channelling that burst of energy, you drive a powerful uppercut into Vassago's jaw! The Dragon staggers backwards. You spring like a coiled snake and strike with your magic staff, stabbing the end of it into the center of Vassago's chest, where a glowing mechanical heart supplies energy to the rest of the Shyfter's body.<br> [[Continue|thenend]]The heart shatters and you leap away just seconds before your magic staff explodes, banishing the Shyfter into another dimension!<br> [[That barbarian vision was super weird.|superwieds]] [[What an 'explosive' ending!|superwieds]]You no longer have a magic staff and your guns are empty, but that doesn't matter- Vassago is gone and Misery is safe once again.<br> [[Continue|lastsk]]You return to town, beaten but victorious. The survivors in Misery will recover soon enough, thanks to your great deeds. For now, you should find a quiet place to rest. Besides, you're still on vacation, remember? There will be time for another adventure later... and by later I mean NEXT WEEK BECAUSE ANOTHER CRYPT SHYFTER IS ON THE WAY!!!<br> [[THE END!]]<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs you and sucks out your brain! YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs you and sucks out your brain! YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill + $magic>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs you and sucks out your brain! YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\Half a dozen hobgoblins are throwing tomatos at an old miner.<br> [[Pick up a tomato and throw it at the miner]] [[Tell the hobgoblins to stop]] [[Fart]]<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $beefy>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> The Vicar tries to shoot you but you're too fast! You deliver a series of powerful strikes into his neck and belly. He drops his weapons and falls to his knees.<br> [[Continue|shotvicarr]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 3>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The Vicar is too quick- he shoots you in the leg! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagains]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $beefy>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You go berserk, grabbing the rat-men by their tails and smashing them into the ground, powerboming them, and stomping on their heads. It's a brutal fight. You completely destroy the furry freaks.<br> [[Continue|shottarts]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 3>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The rat-men bite you! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagainsrats]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $beefy>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You powerbomb one of the rat-men and then throw a haymaker into another's face. You follow up with a flying elbow before drop-kicking their leader through a stone wall. The rat-men are totally pulverized by your sweet wrestling moves.<br> [[Continue|shottarratsdeadts]] <<else>>\ <<set $hp -= 3>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> The rat-men slash your arms! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|tryfightagainsrats1]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $beefy>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You tackle the hobgoblin and wrap your arm around his throat. The hobgoblin gasps and passes out. Slingshot staggers to his feet and hands the detonator to Dorio, who carefully dismantles it. The way ahead is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclear]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> You tackle the hobgoblin, but now all three of you are caught in the struggle! The hobgoblin bites Slingshot’s wrist. The lanky Paladin cries out in pain and releases his grip on the detonator. The hobgoblin springs away and sets off the dynamite! The walls around you explode inward and rocks come tumbling down. Roll a 7 or higher to avoid the falling rocks.<br> [[ROLL|rockdodge]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $beefy>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You beat the crap out of the hobgoblins with cool karate kicks! The way ahead is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclear]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> <<set $hp -= 3>>\ The hobgoblins stab you with swords! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|rocfailedkdodgehobby]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $skill>>\ <<if $roll gte 7>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You kick the hobgoblins' heads off! The room is now clear.<br> [[Continue|wayaheadclearxx]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> <<set $hp -= 3>>\ The hobgoblins stab you with swords! -3 HP.<br> [[Continue|rocfailedkdodgehobby3]] <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $beefy>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs Dorio and sucks out his brain! He tosses the corpse aside and prepares to attack again.<br> [[Kill him with bullets|bullllll]] [[Kill him with spells|spelllllll]] [[Kill him with kung fu|fuuuuu]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns|gunnnnnn]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $beefy>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs Princess Lute and sucks out her brain! He tosses the corpse aside and prepares to attack again.<br> [[Kill him with bullets|bullllll2]] [[Kill him with spells|spelllllll2]] [[Kill him with kung fu|fungunggug]] <<if $blaster gte 1>>\ [[Kill him with a gun that shoots guns|gunnnnnn2]] <</if>>\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ [[Eat pizza (restore HP)]] <</if>>\ <</if>>\<<set $roll = random(2,12) + $beefy>>\ <<if $roll gte 10>>\ Calculating results... Success!<br> You fight Vassago with everything you've got. Just when it seems like you're about to defeat him, the Dragon sucks out another miner's brain.<br> [[Continue|finalfights]] <<else>>\ Calculating results... Attempt failed!<br> Vassago grabs you and sucks out your brain! YOU ARE DEAD! <</if>>\<<if $header == 1>>\ <div class="myDiv">\ <span class='no'>\ <div style="text-align: center;">\ <<link "Back">><<run Engine.backward()>><</link>> | <<link "Save">><<script>>UI.saves()<</script>><</link>> | [[Restart][state.restart()]] </div>\ </span>\ </div> <</if>>\<<run UI.restart()>>\ [[Restart][state.restart()]]