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<<set $header = 0>>\ <div style="text-align: center;">\ <p class="double">\ <br>CRYPT SHYFTER WRATH OF THE STAR KING<br> by kung fu space barbarian<br> </p>\ [[Start|stlkt]] </div>\ <<set $inventory= []>>\ <<set $hp = 10>>\ <<set $maxhp = 10>>\ <<set $gold = 25>>\ <<set $defense = 2>>\ <<set $level = 1>>\ <<set $king = 1>>\ <<set $thermalpod = random(2,3)>>\ <<set $pizza = random(2,3)>>\ <<set $atk = 3>>\ <<set $accuracy = 2>>\ <<set $def = 0>>\ <<set $speed = 3>>\ <<set $header = 1>>\ <<set $vulmacom = 0>>\ <<set $thrakkcom = 0>>\ <<set $starwispcom = 0>>\ <<set $rookcom = 0>>\ <<set $shipfight = 0>>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <table style="width:100%"> <tr> <td>You</td> <td><<display 'hpbar'>></td> <td>$hp/$maxhp</td> </tr> <tr> <td>Enemy</td> <td><<display 'ehpbar'>></td> <td>$ehp/$maxehp</td> </tr> </table>\ </div>\<<if $hp == $maxhp>>\ <progress value="100" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($hp gte (.75 * $maxhp)) and ($hp lte (1 * $maxhp))>>\ <progress value="75" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($hp gte (.50 * $maxhp)) and ($hp lte (.75 * $maxhp))>>\ <progress value="50" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($hp gte (.25 * $maxhp)) and ($hp lte (.50 * $maxhp))>>\ <progress value="25" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif $hp lte 0>>\ <progress value="0" max="100"> </progress> <<else>>\ <progress value="5" max="100"> </progress> <</if>>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<if $pizza gte 1>>\ <<set $pizza -= 1>>\ <<set $hp = $maxhp>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ Tasty! HP restored!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You don't have any pizza!<br> [[Next|yourturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\<<set $torpedo = 2>>\ <<set $repair = 2>>\ <div style="text-align: center;">\ <<set $ehp = random(7,10) + ($level * 2)>>\ <<set $maxehp = $ehp>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ <<set $dice = random(1,6)>>\ <<if $dice lte $speed>>\ First strike!<br> [[Attack]] <<if $shipfight == 1>>\ <<link `"Fire Torpedo (x" + $torpedo + ")"` "Fire Torpedo">><</link>> <<link `"Repair Ship (x" + $repair + ")"` "Repair Ship">><</link>> <<else>>\ <<link `"Throw Thermal Pod (x" + $thermalpod + ")"` "Throw Thermal Pod">><</link>> <<link `"Eat Pizza (x" + $pizza + ")"` "Eat Pizza">><</link>> <</if>>\ <<else>>\ The enemy makes the first move!<br> [[Next|enemyturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\ <<set $pizzacheckerroll = random(1,2)>>\ <<if $pizzacheckerroll == 1>>\ <<set $pizza += 1>>\ <</if>>\<<if $ehp == $maxehp>>\ <progress value="100" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($ehp gte (.75 * $maxehp)) and ($ehp lte (1 * $maxehp))>>\ <progress value="75" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($ehp gte (.50 * $maxehp)) and ($ehp lte (.75 * $maxehp))>>\ <progress value="50" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif ($ehp gte (.25 * $maxehp)) and ($ehp lte (.50 * $maxehp))>>\ <progress value="25" max="100"> </progress> <<elseif $ehp lte 0>>\ <progress value="0" max="100"> </progress> <<else>>\ <progress value="5" max="100"> </progress> <</if>>\<<run UI.restart()>>\ Too bad, you died.<br> [[Restart][state.restart()]]<<set $level += 1>>\ <<set $hpincrease = random(1,3)>>\ <<set $hp += $hpincrease>>\ <<set $maxhp += $hpincrease>>\ <<set $tohit += 1>>\ <div style="text-align: center;">\ You reached <b>Level $level</b><br> Good job. You get +$hpincrease HP <<set $lootgain = random(1,3)>>\ <<if $lootgain gte 2>>\ <<set $lootitems = random(1,2)>>\ <<if $lootitems == 1>>\ <<set $pizza += 1>>\ +1 pizza <<else>>\ <<set $thermalpods += 1>>\ +1 thermal pod <</if>>\ <</if>>\ <br>[[Continue|afterallthefights]] </div>\ <<set $shipfight = 0>>\<<if $state == 1>>\ <<goto "win1">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 2>>\ <<goto "win2">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 3>>\ <<goto "win3">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 4>>\ <<goto "win4">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 5>>\ <<goto "win5">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 6>>\ <<goto "win6">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 7>>\ <<goto "win7">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 8>>\ <<goto "win8">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 9>>\ <<goto "win9">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 10>>\ <<goto "win10">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 11>>\ <<goto "win11">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 12>>\ <<goto "win12">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 13>>\ <<goto "win13">>\ <</if>>\ <<if $state == 14>>\ <<goto "win14">>\ <</if>>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<set $dice = random($accuracy,6)>>\ <<set $enemydamage = random(1,$atk) + $level>>\ <<if $dice gte $accuracy>>\ <<set $ehp -= $enemydamage>>\ <<if $ehp lte 0>>\ <<set $ehp = 0>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ Attack deals $enemydamage damage! You win!<br> [[Continue|gotowin]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ Attack deals $enemydamage damage!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ Attack missed!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<set $dice = random(1,6)>>\ <<set $enemydamage = random(1,6)>>\ <<if $dice lte $speed>>\ <<set $damagecalc = $enemydamage - $def>>\ <<if $damagecalc lte 0>>\ <<set $damagecalc = 0>>\ <</if>>\ <<set $hp -= $damagecalc>>\ <<if $hp lte 0>>\ <<set $hp = 0>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You take $damagecalc damage! You are dead!<br> [[Continue|gotodead]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You take $damagecalc damage!<br> [[Attack]] <<if $shipfight == 1>>\ <<link `"Fire Torpedo (x" + $torpedo + ")"` "Fire Torpedo">><</link>> <<link `"Repair Ship (x" + $repair + ")"` "Repair Ship">><</link>> <<else>>\ <<link `"Throw Thermal Pod (x" + $thermalpod + ")"` "Throw Thermal Pod">><</link>> <<link `"Eat Pizza (x" + $pizza + ")"` "Eat Pizza">><</link>> <</if>>\ <</if>>\ <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ <<print either("Dodged","Evaded","Avoided")>> enemy attack!<br> [[Attack]] <<if $shipfight == 1>>\ <<link `"Fire Torpedo (x" + $torpedo + ")"` "Fire Torpedo">><</link>> <<link `"Repair Ship (x" + $repair + ")"` "Repair Ship">><</link>> <<else>>\ <<link `"Throw Thermal Pod (x" + $thermalpod + ")"` "Throw Thermal Pod">><</link>> <<link `"Eat Pizza (x" + $pizza + ")"` "Eat Pizza">><</link>> <</if>>\ <</if>>\ </div>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ You died.<br> [[Try again|Fight]] <<set $hp = $maxhp>>\ </div>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ What do you want to do?<br> [[Attack]] <<link `"Throw Thermal Pod (x" + $thermalpod + ")"` "Throw Thermal Pod">><</link>> <<link `"Eat Pizza (x" + $pizza + ")"` "Eat Pizza">><</link>> </div>\What kind of armor do you wear?<br> <<if visited("Dude")>>\ [[Loincloth]] <<else>>\ [[Chainmail Bikini]] <</if>>\ [[Fuzonian Battle Harness]]Fuzonia has been destroyed. The Shyfters, under the guidance of the wicked Star King, have conquered most of the known universe. Only a few planets now remain free.<br> [[Next|dsflgldsf]]<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<if $thermalpod gte 1>>\ <<set $thermalpod -= 1>>\ <<set $ehp -= random(3,6) + $level>>\ <<if $ehp lte 0>>\ <<set $ehp = 0>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You melt the enemy with a Thermal Pod! You win!<br> [[Continue|gotowin]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You melt the enemy with a Thermal Pod!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You don't have any Thermal Pods!<br> [[Next|yourturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\Who are you?<br> [[I'm a hairy beefcake!|Dude]] [[I'm a sexy space babe!|Chick]]<<set $weapon = "Ray Gun">>\ <<set $accuracy -= 1>>\ The Ray Gun increases your accuracy in combat.<br> [[Next|Next]]<<set $weapon = "Star Sword">>\ <<set $atk += 1>>\ The Star Sword deals extra damage in combat.<br> [[Next|Next]]<<set $armor = "Loincloth">>\ <<set $speed += 1>>\ A Loincloth increases your speed in combat.<br> [[Next|startit]]<<set $armor = "Chainmail Bikini">>\ <<set $speed += 1>>\ A Chainmail Bikini increases your speed in combat.<br> [[Next|startit]]<<set $armor = "Fuzonian Battle Harness">>\ <<set $def += 1>>\ A Fuzonian Battle Harness increases your defense in combat.<br> [[Next|startit]]Rad. What weapon do you fight monsters with?<br> [[Ray Gun]] [[Star Sword]]Rad. What weapon do you fight monsters with?<br> [[Ray Gun]] [[Star Sword]]<<if $header == 1>>\ <div class="myDiv">\ <span class='no'>\ <div style="text-align: center;">\ <<link "Back">><<run Engine.backward()>><</link>> | <<link "Save">><<script>>UI.saves()<</script>><</link>> | [[Restart][state.restart()]] </div>\ </span>\ </div> <</if>>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<if $torpedo gte 1>>\ <<set $torpedo -= 1>>\ <<set $ehp -= random(3,6) + $level>>\ <<if $ehp lte 0>>\ <<set $ehp = 0>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You blast the enemy with a Torpedo! You win!<br> [[Continue|gotowin]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You blast the enemy with a Torpedo!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <</if>>\ <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You don't have any Torpedos!<br> [[Next|yourturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\<div style="text-align: center;">\ <<if $repair gte 1>>\ <<set $repair -= 1>>\ <<set $hp = $maxhp>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ Ship repaired!<br> [[Defend|enemyturn]] <<else>>\ <<display 'battlescreen'>>\ You don't have any repair kits!<br> [[Next|yourturn]] <</if>>\ </div>\With the death of the Star King, the power of the Shyfters has vanished for good. The universe is safe, but at what cost? All of your friends gave their lives for this war. You barely managed to survive yourself. What point is there in going on?<br> [[Next|sdg]]You sit down heavily upon the ground. You have so much to be proud of, and yet you find yourself unable to find joy within yourself. Who will laugh with you now that the universe has fallen to ruin? Who will swap stories with you over tankards of ale?<br> [[Next|sdlfgls]]THRAKK: Zoinks! Barbarian! I knew I would find you here!<br> [[Next|496]]You open your eyes and spot the orange Golgek hopping towards you. The little alien wraps you in a big hug.<br> [[Thrakk? You survived!]] [[I thought everyone was dead...]]THRAKK: Not just me! There are lots of us! We’ve been looking everywhere for you! Come with me!<br> [[We? Who’s we?]] [[Where are you taking me?]]THRAKK: Not everyone. We’ve been looking everywhere for you! Come with me!<br> [[We? Who’s we?]] [[Where are you taking me?]]THRAKK: You’ll see! This way!<br> [[Next|sdkgdk]]THRAKK: You’ll see! This way!<br> [[Next|sdkgdk]]Thrakk takes you by the hand and leads you through the smoldering wreckage. As the night grows darker, you begin to hear the sound of voices laughing and singing. A red neon light radiates from over the horizon.<br> [[Thrakk... what is this?]] [[Do you smell that? By Shergblatt’s hairy butt crack, I’ve never smelled anything so wonderful in my entire life!]]Thrakk grins from ear to ear but says nothing. He pulls you over the ridge and you look down into the valley below. Hundreds- no, thousands- of creatures have gathered around a metal structure. A bright neon sign above the building flashes with a single word: PIZZERIA.<br> [[Next|s89]]Thrakk grins from ear to ear but says nothing. He pulls you over the ridge and you look down into the valley below. Hundreds- no, thousands- of creatures have gathered around a metal structure. A bright neon sign above the building flashes with a single word: PIZZERIA.<br> [[Next|s89]]THRAKK: This, barbarian, is the last pizzeria in the entire universe. Everyone has gathered for the celebration! The Shyfters have been destroyed! You saved us all! Tonight we will have a pizza party like no other!<br> [[Smile]] [[Fart]]You are speechless. You stare at the massive crowd gathered below. There are humans, Fuzonians, Golgeks, Tozarks, and a thousand other types of creatures you’ve never seen before. You scan their faces, but you don't recognize anyone.<br> [[Who are these people, Thrakk?]] [[I thought everything was destroyed. How is this possible?]]A fart is the only sound you can make. You are speechless. You stare at the massive crowd gathered below. There are humans, Fuzonians, Golgeks, Tozarks, and a thousand other types of creatures you’ve never seen before. You scan their faces, but you don't recognize anyone.<br> [[Who are these people, Thrakk?]] [[I thought everything was destroyed. How is this possible?]]An old Fuzonian woman approaches you and hands you a slice of pizza.<br> [[Next|34983498]]THRAKK: Everything WOULD have been destroyed if not for you, barbarian. This is possible because of you.<br> [[Next|sdfg]]An old Fuzonian woman approaches you and hands you a slice of pizza.<br> [[Next|34983498]]FUZONIAN WOMAN: It is good to see you again, barbarian. You look even stronger than I remember, and that is saying something! You may not recognize me, but you saved my life as a child on Fuzonia in the 46th dimension. We age at an accelerated rate in the 46th, but without you I never would have reached the ripe old age of 3,422!<br> [[Next|sdfgs]]The Fuzonian woman motions to a group of people behind her.<br> [[Next|kjfg]]FUZONIAN WOMAN: These are my children, my grandchildren, and my great grandchildren, all the way down to the 8th generation. None of them would be here if not for you, barbarian. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart: thank you.<br> [[Oh, uh... it was nothing...]] [[I had no idea... I never knew...]]You are stunned. The crowd slowly begins to surround you. The gathered people reach out to you, touching your arms, your back, your hair. You have never seen any of these people before, but they all seem to know you.<br> [[Next|dsfg]]Thrakk smiles at you and fades away into the crowd. The people press closer, offering you slices of pizza and asking for hugs. As you look around at the gathered faces, you suddenly feel a deep swelling of joy. Your life made a difference. These people are alive because of you. These people have hope because of you.<br> [[Next|sglso]]Maybe, just maybe, you’re not alone after all.<br> THE END!<br> [[A note from kungfuspacebarbarian]]It has been a joy sharing these adventures with you over the last 5 years, but with this episode I say my last goodbye. Crypt Shyfter was a huge part of my life and it has been a privilege to have had so many of you along for this crazy ride. But as Vulma reminds us, nothing lasts forever, and I have now said all I have to say with this series.<br> [[More]]To those of you who were with me since the very beginning: thank you from the bottom of my heart- your support meant the world to me. And to those of you just playing through this series for the first time: Now you know the way of the barbarian.<br> Go grab yourself a slice of pizza.<br> <3 kungfuspacebarbarian Crypt Shyfter 2017-2021 You lie on your back and stare up into the endless void of the stars. Is this really how it ends? Alone amidst the destruction wrought by the Shyfters? Did they win in the end after all?<br> [[Next|dfgh]]They are complete strangers, and yet each one of them tells you their story. Each one of them excitedly relates how your actions saved their lives. They introduce their children and grandchildren, who stare at you in wide-eyed wonder. These kids were raised on the stories and legends of your heroic deeds.<br> [[Next|48i]]FUZONIAN WOMAN: No, barbarian. It was everything.<br> [[Next|I had no idea... I never knew...]]The Alliance is mounting a final resistance, but at this point it will surely fail. You have taken it upon yourself to hunt down the Star King in his crystal fortress on Andraxxus Prime.<br> [[Next|sdfg9df9]]You surf through the cosmic void on your sky shark, zooming past a dazzling array of constellations. You would have been awestruck by such a magnificent view once upon a time- after all, you are nothing more than a simple barbarian who was thrust into the depths of space by dark magic.<br> [[Next|sdlfglgg]]But now surfing through space on metal sky sharks has become a way of life. You can almost hear the shredding of a sick guitar solo as you do a kickflip over an asteroid while chowing down on a slice of pizza.<br> [[Next|sdkflsl]]Your sky shark slides to a halt as you land on Andraxxus Prime. The entire world is made of chrome and steel aside from a single crystal structure jutting from the ground like a defiant fist- the Star King’s fortress. You grit your teeth. The silence of this place makes you nervous. This planet should be crawling with Shyfters.<br> [[Scan for life forms]] [[Shout insults into the darkness]] [[Enter the crystal fortress]]You activate your scanners and search for life-forms. There is a mynark nest tucked away in the mountains behind the fortress, but you are unable to detect any other life within a 5 mile radius. There are no Shyfters or Andraxxans anywhere nearby (unless they’ve developed some way to shield their presence). The fortress appears to be abandoned.<br> [[Shout insults into the darkness]] [[Enter the crystal fortress]]You bellow a string of insults into the sky. The only response is your echo.<br> [[Scan for life forms]] [[Enter the crystal fortress]]You approach the massive crystal structure. The front gates are wide open. You cautiously enter. Your footsteps echo off the smooth, polished floors. You look around the cavernous chambers for any signs of life, but you find nothing. The crystal fortress is empty.<br> [[Next|sdflgksd]]Suddenly an alarm begins to blare. You spin around, ready for a fight, but quickly realize the alarm is coming from your personal communication device. It is a distress call coming from Thrakk. You open up the communication line and Thrakk’s face materializes in the air before you.<br> [[Thrakk? What’s wrong?]] [[That alarm nearly caused me to leap out of my own skin. Don’t you know where I am? That thing could have gotten me killed!]]THRAKK: The Shyfters are on Karkus! The resistance base is under attack! Barbarian, you must come immediately- this is it! If the base here falls, we’re through! The Shyfters have conquered all other planets in the universe. This is the final stand!<br> [[I’m on my way!]] [[By Shergblatt’s hairy butt crack...]]THRAKK: It won’t get you killed because the Shyfters aren’t there- they’re here!<br> [[Here? Where’s here?]] [[What’s happening? What are they doing?]]THRAKK: Karkus! The resistance base is under attack! Barbarian, you must come immediately- this is it! If the base here falls, we’re through! The Shyfters have conquered all other planets in the universe. This is the final stand!<br> [[I’m on my way!]] [[By Shergblatt’s hairy butt crack...]]THRAKK: The Shyfters are on Karkus! The resistance base is under attack! Barbarian, you must come immediately- this is it! If the base here falls, we’re through! The Shyfters have conquered all other planets in the universe. This is the final stand!<br> [[I’m on my way!]] [[By Shergblatt’s hairy butt crack...]]You cut off communications. Thrakk’s face dissolves into a million tiny pixels of dust, which fade away into nothing. The Shyfters are on Karkus. If the resistance falls, it’s game over. You’ve spent years fighting in this war, and now at long last it will come to an end. One way or another... the end is nigh.<br> [[Next|dskfgksd]]You cut off communications. Thrakk’s face dissolves into a million tiny pixels of dust, which fade away into nothing. The Shyfters are on Karkus. If the resistance falls, it’s game over. You’ve spent years fighting in this war, and now at long last it will come to an end. One way or another... the end is nigh.<br> [[Next|dskfgksd]]You punch in the coordinates to Karkus on your warp device and teleport away.<br> [[Next|sg88g9]]You are surrounded by chaos. You have warped into the middle of a warzone. Laser blasts zip all around you as Fuzonians, Golgeks, and Tozarks clash with Shyfters and Andraxxans. Starships explode in midair and rain fiery wreckage down onto the battlefield. Electrified axes clash with starsteel swords and a flurry of sparks.<br> [[Hunt for the Star King]] [[Search for Thrakk]]You leap over a pile of corpses and begin searching for the Star King. An explosion sends you stumbling. You regain your feet, but a squad of Shyfters emerges from the smoke. They surround you and morph into dinosaurs.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state= 2>>\You leap over a pile of corpses and call for Thrakk. An explosion sends you stumbling. You regain your feet, but a squad of Shyfters emerges from the smoke. They surround you and morph into dinosaurs.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state= 1>>\You slaughter the mechanical dino-bots and race across the battlefield. Thrakk is nowhere to be seen. A sudden roar of celebration draws your attention to the far side of the battlefield. The Shyfters and Andraxxans are cheering. You grit your teeth in fury as the elephantine shape of the Star King rises above the ridge. The monstrous Shyfter swings his magical sword left and right, sending Fuzonians and Golgeks flying in all directions.<br> [[Rally troops to your position]]You slaughter the mechanical dino-bots and race across the battlefield. A sudden roar of celebration draws your attention to the far side of the battlefield. The Shyfters and Andraxxans are cheering. You grit your teeth in fury as the elephantine shape of the Star King rises above the ridge. The monstrous Shyfter swings his magical sword left and right, sending Fuzonians and Golgeks flying in all directions.<br> [[Rally troops to your position]]You raise your $weapon and call the surrounding troops to your position. They flock to you without hesitation. The swell of movement has drawn the attention of the Shyfters. The Star King laughs uproariously from across the battlefield. You watch as the Shyfters form ranks, preparing for a full-scale assault.<br> [[Next|aslkglask]]What will you say to your troops?<br> [[Now seems like the perfect time to give a rousing speech and tell you all how important this fight is, but I won’t waste your time. We have Shyfters to kill.]] [[If we fall here, everything is lost. The Molten Anchovy, Cheesy Sneetz, Mr. Cluck’s Space Chicken Eatery and Ice Cream Bar with that dope arcade lounge in the back... we’ll never see another slice of pizza or arcade cabinet ever again. I don’t want that, and I don’t think you want that either. So fight like you’ve never fought before. We may be outnumbered a thousand to one, but each one of you is worth a hundred times that number! I’m a barbarian so maybe my math isn’t very good, but my point is we’re going to litter this battlefield with the corpses of those freaky shapeshifters and maybe if we fight hard enough we can all have another pizza party! Who’s with me?]]The troops grip their weapons and nod grimly. Suddenly the Shyfters begin to charge. You bellow the command to meet them in combat and your troops rush forward like a titanic wave. Within seconds the two armies clash and the battle begins.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 3>>\The roar of the troops is deafening. You can see the fire in their eyes as they rally around you, ready to lay it all on the line. Suddenly the Shyfters begin to charge. You bellow the command to meet them in combat and your troops rush forward like a titanic wave. Within seconds the two armies clash and the battle begins.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 3>>\The battle is the stuff legends are made of. The Shyfters vastly outnumber you, but your troops stand firm. Everything seems to move in slow motion around you- laser beams, explosions, death. The carnage is unreal. You cut down hundreds of Shyfters, but as the battle rages on more and more of your troops fall.<br> [[Next|dfskgsidfo]]One of the Shyfters drives a spear into your leg. You howl in pain and fall to your hands and knees. A Fuzonian warrior flops to the ground next to you. Smoke billows across the battlefield as the Shyfters close in around you. You lift your head to observe the situation, but it feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. You are surrounded by Shyfters. Your troops have all been slaughtered. All hope has been lost.<br> [[Next|sfglsdlfglrr]]The Shyfters step aside and allow the Star King to approach. He stands over you with his magic sword. All you can do is hang your head in defeat.<br> [[Next|sadlgksglkfsdg]]STAR KING: How poetic that you would be the final victim to fall beneath the power of my magic sword. I want you to know, barbarian, that I have nothing but respect for you. You are the most capable warrior I have ever encountered. I almost feared you would stop my Shyfters from conquering everything!<br> [[Next|dfgdfrro]]VOICE: Not so fast.<br> [[Next|asgjorijr]]VOICE: Not so fast.<br> [[Next|asgjorijr]]There is a sudden scream of pain. You look up and watch as a hundred Shyfters are butchered. When the dust clears, an army of barbarian warriors stands above the wreckage. At the front of the barbarian horde is a very familiar face- your 23rd dimension counterpart.<br> [[I appreciate your sense of dramatic timing, me!]] [[This is my favorite part.]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I gathered as many as I could, just like you asked. Allow me to introduce you to... a whole bunch of yous.<br> [[Next|sdgreroy]]23rd DIMENSION BARBARIAN: I gathered as many as I could, just like you asked. Allow me to introduce you to... a whole bunch of yous.<br> [[Next|sdgreroy]]As you scan the faces of the gathered barbarians you are not surprised to see that they all look eerily similar. Some are old, others are young. Some are men, some are women, and some are so heavily modified with robo-tech that you can’t tell what they are. But each one has a fire in their eyes unmatched by any other creature you’ve ever encountered.<br> [[Next|aflsdkjfla]]STAR KING: This changes nothing! I will destroy you all with one stroke of my sword!<br> [[Next|sldfkslkr]]The Star King raises his blade, but the barbarians attack! In an instant the battle is engaged once again. Barbarian 23 pulls you to your feet and grins. Invigorated by the sight of your alternate dimension selves battling the Shyfters (you never realized how sexy you looked fighting Shyfters from so many different angles), you unleash an otherworldly war cry and join the fight.<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 5>>\The battle rages on, but the Shyfter army seems limitless. Your alternate dimension selves are slaughtered around you, but the Star King is unable to land the final blow on any of them. The tide turns in the favor of the Shyfters once again.<br> [[Next|sdflkgjslrigjr]]A sudden explosion rocks the battlefield. When the dust settles you see a wrecked starship among the rubble. The exit hatch bursts open and a tiny orange alien scrambles out.<br> [[Next|flsgksldk]]THRAKK: Barbarian? Barbarian! Zoinks! Am I glad to see you! Or... wait, is that you? Or are you... that one? I think I hit my head during that crash landing. There are so many of you!<br> [[Thrakk! What are you doing?]] [[Get behind me before the Shyfters gut you, little guy!]]THRAKK: I brought a friend! He says he knows you.<br> [[Next|sflgksdl]]THRAKK: Wait! I brought a friend! He says he knows you.<br> [[Next|sflgksdl]]A malfunctioning robot rumbles out of the starship. It is BUTLER.<br> [[What are you doing here?]] [[Sorry to disappoint you, BUTLER, but it looks like you arrived just in time to watch me get killed. You’re sure to be turned into scrap as well.]]BUTLER: Greetings, MEATBAG. I have come to say goodbye to my friend for one last-last-last time. My destiny is at hand. The Catalyst Beacon has been installed within my core and now I will ack-ack-activate it.<br> [[Are you sure about this, BUTLER?]] [[This may be our only chance of saving the galaxy. Blow this universe to smithereens, buddy!]]BUTLER: Neg-neg-negative, MEATBAG. I have come to say goodbye to my friend for one last-last-last time. My destiny is at hand. The Catalyst Beacon has been installed within my core and now I will ack-ack-activate it.<br> [[Are you sure about this, BUTLER?]] [[This may be our only chance of saving the galaxy. Blow this universe to smithereens, buddy!]]BUTLER: My calculations are infallible. Detonating the Catalyst Beacon will merge the timelines once and for all. Then we may have a chance to defeat the Shyfters for good.<br> [[In that case blast that thing before the Shyfters kill us all!]]The Shyfters converge on your position. The Star King howls in fury as he lunges for BUTLER, but it’s too late. A blinding flash of light erupts from BUTLER’s core. The robot explodes, but the resulting explosion is so massive that it shatters the universe. You are dead.<br> [[Next|sdfgksdrk]]The Shyfters converge on your position. The Star King howls in fury as he lunges for BUTLER, but it’s too late. A blinding flash of light erupts from BUTLER’s core. The robot explodes, but the resulting explosion is so massive that it shatters the universe. You are dead.<br> [[Next|sdfgksdrk]]You jam your sword into the ground and wipe the sweat off your forehead. You only succeed in smearing tracks of dirt across your face, but you don't mind- it makes you look more intimidating.<br> [[Next|sdkfsldlhdhtt]]You lie back on the grass and gaze up at the midnight sky. You can see the faces of your ancestors up there, immortalized in the stars. They watch over you now, but looking out into that infinite darkness makes you feel so small.<br> [[Next|sdlgkrlkelkhdhh]]You smile at the sight of the 6 moons above you. An Ikkagu roars in the distance. Wait a second... something is wrong. Multiple moons? Dinosaurs? You sit up and look to your sword. But it isn’t a sword. It’s a $weapon.<br> [[Next|sdlfkgsdlkgr]]You glance down at your body. A morphological dial has been strapped to your chest. Your left arm is made out of metal and you’re wearing a pair of snazzy space boots. You stand up and take a look around. You are home now... but everything has changed.<br> [[Search for signs of life]] [[Run to the palace]]You begin searching the area for signs of wildlife. Loompas are grazing in the meadow alongside cows and goats. How strange...<br> [[Run to the palace]]You grab your $weapon and sprint towards the palace. Memories of past lives swirl through your head. Your father, murdered by the vizier. Blue-skinned warriors on an alien planet. A war with the Shyfters. Could those memories be real? Did you somehow survive the explosion? Are you in a completely new timeline?<br> [[Next|asodfgir9]]You burst through the palace doors, but it is not the vizier you find sitting on your father’s throne- it is the Star King.<br> [[I had a feeling you’d find a way to survive.]] [[Why am I not surprised to see you here?]]STAR KING: That was a clever stunt you pulled back on Karkus with the exploding robot. Clearly Burnscar should have been monitoring that situation more thoroughly. But I suppose there’s no use crying over spilled milk. You’ve taken everything from me, barbarian. It is time for us to end this conflict, one way or another.<br> [[I couldn’t agree more.]] [[Your death will bring about the end of all Shyfters. I will not fail.]]STAR KING: That was a clever stunt you pulled back on Karkus with the exploding robot. Clearly Burnscar should have been monitoring that situation more thoroughly. But I suppose there’s no use crying over spilled milk. You’ve taken everything from me, barbarian. It is time for us to end this conflict, one way or another.<br> [[I couldn’t agree more.]] [[Your death will bring about the end of all Shyfters. I will not fail.]]STAR KING: This sword is useless to me now. The timelines have been merged, so now we are all left with but a single life. There are no do-overs. Prepare to meet your fate!<br> [[Next|sdfkg;sdlgsr]]STAR KING: This sword is useless to me now. The timelines have been merged, so now we are all left with but a single life. There are no do-overs. Prepare to meet your fate!<br> [[Next|sdfkg;sdlgsr]]The Star King charges forward and attacks!<br> [[Fight]] <<set $state = 7>>\The palace crumbles around you as your battle rages on. The Star King is a formidable foe, but you are the greatest warrior the universe has ever known. You grab the Star King’s sword and plunge the blade into his chest.<br> [[See ya later, Star King. Oh, wait- no I won’t!]] [[Game over, chump.]]The Star King’s screams echo in the air as he bursts into flames. His head explodes like a bloody pimple and his body bursts into dust. You stand amidst the wreckage of the palace as the wind blows dramatically around you. You have done it, barbarian. You have won.<br> [[Next|9395]]The Star King’s screams echo in the air as he bursts into flames. His head explodes like a bloody pimple and his body bursts into dust. You stand amidst the wreckage of the palace as the wind blows dramatically around you. You have done it, barbarian. You have won.<br> [[Next|9395]]STAR KING: But now the end has come. With one swing of my sword, I will extinguish all of your lives across the multiverse! The Shyfters will reign supreme!<br> [[Get on with it, mammoth breath.]] [[If this is my fate, then I look forward to dancing with my ancestors among the stars.]]