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[img[images_ourscale/scalecover.png]] <u><big><big>A Single Ouroboros Scale</big></big></u> a frantic last thing by Naomi Norbez (pictured below) [img[images_ourscale/norbezjotgame.png]] This fragmented game contains: mention/discussion of traumatic events (abuse, PTSD, car wrecks); a AFAB queer character who comes out as enby & transmasc, and gets misgendered at the end; a good amount of swearing; prominent discussion of community/individual expectations vs reality vs self; themes of death, depression, legacy, meaningful living/creating; and medical memory loss with an ambiguous ending. [[Click Here To Read The Author's Note|note1]] <big>[[Click Here To Begin The Assessment|1]]</big>Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.<u><big>Author's Note:</big></u> Dear player, This game was made out of rushed desperation. You may see why later. It's not perfect but it's DONE. I said in November 2021 that I would leave IF but if [REDACTED] were to change my [REDACTED], at least I did something before that happened. Oh, and to be clear: the stuff in this isn't referencing/calling out any specific individuals--this is basically a compilation of stuff I've heard over misc. time periods squished into a game, and not meant to be a personal callout/attack/cancelling/anything like that. I am not that much of a douchebag (I’d like to think so anyway), and am not trying to bash/subtweet any specific person here. This is not about that, and if you see yourself in this game, that means you see the reflective mirror I am attempting to hold up, NOT that I intentionally am calling out you specifically. I want to make that 100% clear. Will people play or hear this one? Well, it's a Twine with a personal bent, so likely not; most of us know how well those are perceived by the wider IF community, and if you don't know, oh sweet summer child . . . I'll just say that it usually ain't pretty for most hypertext devs out there. But perhaps this will be different--though I don't expect it, I always delight at being surprised. And if you <i>did</i> get something from this while playing, please let me know at [[@NaomiNorbez|https://twitter.com/NaomiNorbez]] on Twitter, or via email at <u>mninorbez@gmail.com</u>. Even if it's just a few sentences/words, I want your thoughts here more than ever. Just don’t be a dickweasel or a fight-starter because I don’t have the energy for either right now. That's all the preamble I have. Whether [REDACTED] ends badly or not, I plan to make this is my last game for a while. Always queer, currently here, and still holding IF dear (despite everything), Naomi Norbez, please call me <b>Bez (he/they)</b> [img[images_ourscale/norbezjotgame.png]] [[Click Here To Begin The Assessment|1]] <u><big>Jot Archive Volunteer Project Chat: Your Direct Messages with REvans:</big></u> Yesterday, 5:21pm: REvans: Alright, you understand what you have to do tomorrow? You: Yes, I think I do. REvans: Good. REvans: Just go to the last profile in the "least popular" list; that AlgieFreyir person should be there still tomorrow. Review the creator & their jots, and either keep or delete. Then report back to tell me about your decision, and based on what I hear, then I'll decide if you can be a more permanent JAVP volunteer. REvans: Some of the previous volunteers were a bit overeager haha, saved creators who don't really fit our standards. Gotta pluck the weeds, keep the flowers, grow the garden well. You: What does that mean? REvans: You know, keeping creators whose work are more relevant to the growth of the IF scene. Offshoots are ok, too experimental not as much. We're also leaning more towards parsers, considering how important they are to the community, compared to the hypertext stuff going on outside of the main IF circles. REvans: Nothing against hypertext obviously, but I just haven't seen much development there compared to parsers, and neither has the community IME. REvans: Alright. When you're done, report back to me tomorrow. <i>REvans went offline.</i> [[(Go to the homepage & Begin)|2.]][img[images_ourscale/jotlogoinfo.png]] <u><big>The Jot Archive Volunteer Project (Site Version: 1.0)</big></u> <u>Opening Statement:</u> Greetings, and welcome to the Jot Archive Volunteer Project (JAVP). We at the JAVP believe that <i>Jot</i>, the Twitter-esque site for IF makers & fans that existed from 2015-2022, was a valuable place for the medium's passionate people to gather, discuss, and create with one another. Lots of fantastic IF developers said some great things on that site that deserve to be saved, and not lost to time just because Ted Iger couldn't afford the server cost anymore. So during the time <i>Jot</i> was in limbo (shutting down soon but not yet dead), I brought together a group to help save what would soon be lost, forming the JAVP. We passionate fans went around the site and saved as much as possible from the various IF creators (focusing on main tweets/threads, not replies to others). We tried not to discriminate between relevant larger and smaller makers (though we do want to remove profiles that do not add to the wider IF conversation), and it's possible we could have missed some, but our group archived as much as we could, up until the last minutes of <i>Jot</i>'s existence. The various "jots" (the site's terms for "tweets", aka short micro-blogging posts on the website with a limited amount of characters) were all saved, archived, and uploaded to this page. <u>Future Plans:</u> So we were able to save the jots before all was lost. But there are a few things that still have to be done. List below of what those are and what we have now: --We're still working on appropriately dating the jots down to the minute posted. For now, they're organized from first to last by year only; we plan to add the exact date/time of each of them asap, but it's still a work-in-progress to get that up and running. It sounds like a simple feature, but it really isn't. Sorry. --We are working on recreating <i>Jot</i>'s layout and design to make the site closer to the actual experience. The layout we have is a little basic, but we're definitely going to change it as this site develops. --Finally (this is the biggest one), we want to trim the fat to make sure our archive only holds relevant creators of the IF space. Not to discriminate against certain people/groups, but to make sure those who are part of the archive are serious creators, not hobbyists who just released 1-2 microfic games or Speed IF pieces. We want those who really made a difference with their work and on Jot, people who added to the interactive fiction movement—those are the ones who are saved in this archive. That is the ultimate goal. <u>Conclusion:</u> Regardless of our in-progress appearance, we hope you find this archive to be a valuable chronicle of various IF creators. <i>Jot</i> was a great effort, and we have done our best to save what was said there. Hopefully this preservation can lead to good conversations in the future. --JAVP Team Leader, Robert Evans. [[Enter The Jot Archive Volunteer Project|3]] <i>Welcome to the Jot Archive Volunteer Project (JAVP)!</i> Parser Creators: 345 Twine Creators: 202 Other Creators: 144 More Categories Coming Soon! <u>Most Popular Archived Creators (The Leaders)</u> MrDear (Parser, 2003-Present) Payton Myers (Parser, 1999-Present) Mike Gregory (Parser, 2007-Present) <u>Least Popular Archived Creators (The Underdogs)</u> ChadElsey (Parser, 2017-2019) [THIS CREATOR'S PROFILE HAS BEEN MARKED FOR DELETION BY THE MODS AND CANNOT BE VIEWED PUBLICLY. IT WILL BE DELETED IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS] TinaOnTop (Hypertext, 2012-Present) [[AlgieFreyir (Twine, 2015-2022)|alg]] List of all creators (contains alphabetized list & search function).<u><big>Creator Profile: </big></u> [img[images_ourscale/algieicon.png]] <u>Full Name:</u> Algie Freyir <u>Username:</u> @AlgieFreyir <u>Jot Biography:</u> Algie: Twine Wizard(?), Anime Advocate, Poetry Pundit, "Assisting in the Bright Affair So intricately done." Nonbinary & Transgender Man, He/They. I make interactive weirdness sometimes, and want to meet others in this space. Hi! <u>Creator's IF Type (according to <i>Jot</i>'s Sitewide User Ranking/Survey):</u> Fringe [[Click here to view AlgieFreyir's jots.|algJ]] Click here for Mod Commands/Options.<u><big>AlgieFreyir’s Jots Full Archive:</big></u> [[YEAR 1: 2015|2015]] [[YEAR 2: 2016|2016]] [[YEAR 3: 2017|2017]] [[YEAR 4: 2018|2018]] [[YEAR 5: 2019|2019]] [[YEAR 6: 2020|2020]] [[YEAR 7: 2021|2021]] [[YEAR 8: 2022|2022]] [[(Stop Investigating AlgieFreyir's Jots--You've Seen Enough To Decide)|algDecide]]<u><big>YEAR 1: 2015:</big></u> Wow, um, hi everyone! I'm Algie! I a girl who just began college, started creating IF recently with the "Deadname Dandelions" Twine for a friend, and found out about the scene from there! Idk how much I'll use this new site b/c school is kicking my ass, but I hope we can be friends! I've already had a few fellow IFers (fellow Twine peeps, hell yeah) reach out to me, thanks! I like making connections and making friends, so I appreciate the warm welcome really dang much! It's gonna be cool to get to know y'all! I'm super busy at my first year of college atm but I do wanna make something small on the side? Something for the new IF lit magazine I've seen around, because it looks really cool! Maybe I'm just a big newbie but all the possibilities are awesome and I wanna try some stuff! The IF mag liked my pitch, awesome! Just gotta finish the game between English classes. Good luck, me. . . Let's do this thing! UGH college is so damn hard wahhhhh! I don't mean to be whiny about it or whatever, but I'm depressed all the time and there's too much to do every day and I need a break. Can't believe it's my 1st year and I'm already this overwhelmed. . . I finished the game for the IF magazine! I'm really happy with how it turned out. Now to send it in, and I hope it gets printed so y'all can give it a play! I tried to discuss my religious beliefs a bit in this one and I hope it's liked! So I haven't been here in a while but the IF mag turned down the game. I worked really hard on it so I'm bummed. They gave me some detailed feedback which is nice, but I don't have the time/energy to implement it b/c I'm sad and busy every day lol. What should I do next? . @iralane mentioned entering my rejected IF mag game into the Interactive Fiction International Festival? I looked it up and apparently it's a really big IF event, like super huge in the community! That makes me nervous but excited too . . . what do y'all think? Alright! Thanks everyone for the encouragement, I'm gonna enter the IF International Festival! Fingers crossed, wish me luck!!! (poofs in) Yooo I haven't been here in a while--recently got diagnosed with depression and am experiencing some big self-discovery atm--but I entered the yearly IF International Festival! I hope y'all like my festival game "Dungeon Dancers", about a ballet duo who provides entertainment for villains/heroes! (poofs away) Uh, I'm back for a sec. Been through a lot. And I've been trying to write this for like an hour so instead of a big-ass thread let's keep it simple: I thought I was just some Christian girl. The former is still true but debatable, the latter is not anymore. I'm nonbinary. Maybe more than that but I’m still looking inward. Trying out they/them pronouns for now. I'll add to my bio. You want a definition of what that means, Google is free haha. Thanks! Since I came out I noticed that I haven't seen that many nonbinary IFers around honestly? Which surprises me b/c I know they're around here SOMEWHERE lol. But it's mostly all these cis dudes who have been here for years who dominate the space. Fellow enbies, heed my call and drop your info in the replies! Let's get to know each other! 2016 is almost here! Might do a long reflection thread on my 1st year at Jot, but for now, a New Year's Resolution: Y'all clearly want me to talk about just IF (dev) and not much personal stuff. So expect a monkey's-paw-style shift in tone in the future. (I'm gonna complain about parsers SO much and SO many of you are gonna be pissed.) Alright, Happy New Year! [[(Return To AlgieFreyir's Jots Home Page)|algJ]] [[(Stop Investigating AlgieFreyir's Jots--You've Seen Enough To Decide)|algDecide]]<u><big>YEAR 2: 2016:</big></u> A LOT of IF people like parsers, huh? It's a little weird, haha. Not complaining, but I've never liked them much myself, so I don't get the appeal. Educate me? Wow so much parser love around here! Thanks for educating me, everyone! I don't get it but you do you I guess? Like I said, never liked them very much; YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A ROOM is like the ONE exception, lol. But you do you and I'll do me. So hey, I got a new game in the IFIF! It’s called “What Is Within Without You With Me”, about a AFAB fella named Codi whose toxic heart gets extracted and given sentience! It discusses gender feels and trauma recovery journey, both things I’ve been working on. Lmk what you think of it! I don't plan on making a "silly" game. "Funny" or "goofy", sure; I love me some jokey jokes and I hope that part of me never dies! I consider myself a funny little guy! But like. . . (1/2) Ok look, I don't have the words to explain this well rn, but I'm not making games to give tiny little laughs, but touch the heart in a deeper way no matter how tiny/large. Idk if that makes sense? Lmk in the replies. (2/2) "For this we go out dark nights, searching | For the dimmest stars, | For signs of unseen things. . ." Damn I still love that poem omg, I revisit it like a few times a year I stg. Sharing it b/c I hope it resonates with y’all a bit too! I wish when it comes to Life's Meaning, some higher being would come up/down from the earth screaming, "WHO GIVES A SHIT?!" B/c it's easy to think that, harder to live by without also longing for a higher power to give me a sign that it's ok to embrace that philosophy. God, PLEASE! GIVE ME A SIGN! So like. I wanna be a meaningful person. And I wanna MAKE meaningful things. That's how I live. And when most of my work is seen as unmeaningful b/c it's short and Twiney so its "greater value" is negated, that fucks me up? (1/2) I know part of that's my own interior problem to fix and I gotta get my shit together. But the instinctual dismissal on the exterior side also sucks major ass. What will it take to get recognized as someone other than "adder to the dialogue but never in a way that matters to the greater conversation"? I keep creating waiting for that to change, but maybe it never will? (shrug) (2/2) [[(Return To AlgieFreyir's Jots Home Page)|algJ]] [[(Stop Investigating AlgieFreyir's Jots--You've Seen Enough To Decide)|algDecide]]<u><big>YEAR 3: 2017:</big></u> So my 2nd IFIF 2017 game is preeeeety different this year? I wrote a more story-based thing the community is probably gonna like better, but the 2nd one, "Queer As Fuck Because Fuck You", is this critical essay on queerness and Christianity that I decided to submit because I can. Also I’m coming out as a trans dude as well as enby—so there’s that and I use he/they pronouns! Anyway, I hope my weird thing can bring value with the other festival entries! IF world: Hey, this top-tier game is by a gay dude and features a prominent gay character! Isn't that inclusive and rad! Me: Yeah!!! So does that mean that more non-cis-dudes & marginalized IF makers are gonna get more inclusivity here too? Or is it just in the odd creator & characters that you give us space? IF world: . . . IF world: Idk why THAT came up, back on topic. ANYWAY we were talking about parsers by dudes and how inclusive the community is. . . /hj (I can't say much in 1 jot but that's the jist lol) "You're free to make what you want!" Yeah well there's a difference between creative freedom generally (limitless) and communally (restricted) especially in IF? Do you not get that? Hello? I'm not just talking about my polarizing queer Twine essay here to be clear--this is in a general IF sense. (1/8) Like I can upload whatever the fuck I want anywhere I want--that's the Pandora's Box of the World Wide Web. But just b/c I can make whatever IF-wise doesn't mean the IF community will bash it any less? (2/8) Because y'all talk a big game with that phrase, but the IF world is not interested in complete creative freedom, but a narrow POV on what IF is supposed to be. That's the problem when you say that. (3/8) Come back to me and say I'm "free to make whatever" when the IF community says that they're "willing to assume the best of whatever" because that hasn't happened chief. Sorry I can't live in your perfect fantasy world where equality of IF mediums & creators exists lol. (4/8) And don't even get me started on, "You're free to leave whenever you want!" because holy shit that response sucks. Good to know that when I say to people I *feel* like an outsider that their ~solution~ is to tell me to just *go* outside, instead of making space for me & others. (5/8) That hurts. Thanks for reminding me that I don't belong by pointing at the door! I LOVE knowing that because I want to fit in I should get the fuck out! /s (6/8) It just tells me that even after decades of evolution, and even the Twine Revolution, the IF world is still overall stuck in preconceptions and not interested in making new space, but making the same again. Maybe a few new tweaks to misc. aspects, but the same song different chorus on loop. (7/8) And since I'm not interested in that shit, I and so many other creators get shelved. So yeah. Please stop saying that I'm "free to make whatever" because in isolation yes I can do what I damn well please, but in communal practice it isn't that simple. Ever. (8/8) I'm really not interested in using Jot after my "free to make" thread from yesterday, so I'm gonna just focus on school & making my game, keep my head down for a while. Probably gonna pop in other community spaces, but not here for now. If you wanna get in touch you can always ping me on the forum or something. Thanks for understanding. [[(Return To AlgieFreyir's Jots Home Page)|algJ]] [[(Stop Investigating AlgieFreyir's Jots--You've Seen Enough To Decide)|algDecide]]<u><big>YEAR 4: 2018:</big></u> It’s IFIF season again, which means I’m here to announce my new game: “Aurora Borealis, Bored With Alice”. An anime-inspired adventure about two women—one task driven hero and one bored goth nightmare—who need to use the northern lights to save the universe. It’s very anime-inspired—I'm a World Wide Weeb on the World Wide Web and I will not apologize for it lol. Hope y’all enjoy it b/c I’m really proud of it! IF world/community: We're a great medium to start playing/making games in! Join us and let's make cool things together! Also IF world/community: That's a hypertext and doesn't follow the Zork Law established in 1977 so you don't reaaaaaaaly belong here, do you? Thanks, I hate it! /hj Maybe it's just me but I feel like my Twines get a lot more respect b/c I ID as masc? Like there's this cliche of femme people pouring their hearts out in Twine but it's not considered good/”high” art (unless it's porpentine or someone like that), but I do the same and it's not a crime against humanity? Am I just making shit up here??? I fuckng love Twines about personal gender feels/discovery. “All Tomorrow's Parties”, “this is you”. . . I would love to release a game like that for y'all but I KNOW it would be torn to shreds so maybe not haha. I'll probs save those stories for the people who aren't gonna be weird about it, ty. (1/2) Idk. I already share ENOUGH about myself in my IF so making a deeper personal gender work, KNOWING that the community is gonna dissect it like they're critics of a anti-parser graduate-level paper and not reading an intimate nonfiction essay would be SUPER NOT FUN. So nah. (2/2) I saw a comment on Mike Rubin's "Playing the Protagonist Part, Partly" blog talk about how some approach IF, and it really interested me? First it discussed Façade, one of my old favorites that steered me to games as deeper art, but then dug into player POVs in IF. (1/4) How I read it is that some see IF as a system space first, while others see it as a story space first. That would explain some of the disconnect between parser and hypertext fans, but doesn't explain why so many parser fans are so hostile to hypertext stuff that's story-over-system? (2/4) Like it makes sense that if you play parsers you're gonna approach an IF for different reasons, but like. Idk. Maybe I'm just naive but why would you want to play a game medium the same way always, and want to keep it the same as long as possible, so badly that you reject the story space eclipsing the system one in various titles? (3/4) It's stupid and weird and very ouroboros to me. With the IF community being the head & Twine (Revolution) being the tail. If you're only gonna accept hypertext as great in certain terms/circumstances that align more with the system POV, and shut out the rest, maybe reconsider b/c that's Cringe. (4/4) [[(Return To AlgieFreyir's Jots Home Page)|algJ]] [[(Stop Investigating AlgieFreyir's Jots--You've Seen Enough To Decide)|algDecide]]<u><big>YEAR 5: 2019: </big></u> When I believed God was up in the sky I didn't fear death. Now I'm agnostic, I don't know WHAT'S up there, and I'm scared shitless by it. That's kinda what my new game (the one I've codenamed "In The Hole" on here) is about, b/c I wanted to discuss that stuff and give others a space to explore them as well My IFIF 2019 game is The Hole Within The Hole! This one's a long time coming, and discusses my relationship to trauma, abuse, religion (I have since left Christianity if you didn’t know), and (biggest of all) death. All through the lens a puzzly detective game where you’re trying to escape a strange hotel. Heed the content warnings and tell me your thoughts! I hope it resonates with somebody out there. I feel like some phrase to capture "Twine anxiety" should be a thing around here for some creators because I'm very sure my parser peeps don't understand the Pain of knowing that my games are gonna be shit on by people who dislike new advances and hypertext engines so much that they don't give a fuck about rating it low and not playing much or any of the game in question. Haha. It sucks. I spent so much time on The Hole Within The Hole. . . I saw so many reviewers complain about how short it was and assume I threw it together in a week or something. . . What do I have to do to be respected around here, damn! Like I'm laughing but also angry crying a little. /hj Omg the amount of snap judgements I see on my & other’s Twines vs on my parser mutuals' games. . . Can we not? Please??? Jfc I think this every year but I gotta say SOMETHING because the way @iralane’s “Airplane Mode Forever” is getting treated rn really pisses me off. Look, creating not just about making shit for me. It's about wanting my stuff to be seen/recognized? And that's such an uphill battle here b/c the IF world doesn't do that to a Twine unless it matches their arbitrary standards of good hypertext. Idk. Doomed fight? (1/3) Making games is about giving somebody a hidey-hole to see my heart through if that makes sense? And nobody seems to really care about that imho. At best I get empty praise, at worst I get insulted. I like making personal shit, but as long as I do, I will get hurt. Like I said: DOOMED. X) (2/3) My IFIF reception can be summarized like this pretty much: 'Well, thanks for the existence of you and your work (or not)! See you next year!'" (3/3) "I just hope I don't get more from this [the act of showcasing a work of created art] than you do." Oh no, too real Bo, too real! I want to feel complete when I die. Not like "I did every single thing I wanted" but like "I did everything I could well enough while I had the time". As somebody whose abusive BS fucked up how I thought of perfection, I try hard to be satisfied with "well enough". I hope I can be. Does anybody ever die satisfied? I'm pretty sure no matter how successful you are or big you get, you got loose ends SOMEWHERE. And that's kinda reassuring? But I also feel like I gotta die "right"/"well", y'know? Which means seeking satisfaction there. But I won't be satisfied. But I keep trying. Endless ouroboros. If there's one thing I've learned from Bo Burnham, it's that people like to see your vulnerable art as an all-access pass to your personhood, take it to mean that b/c they've played your game or watched your show or seen you grow, that means they know exactly who you are. (1/2) The thing I want people to know about my work, especially the more personal shit, is that it gives you a look into my heart, large or small. But it is also only the version of me that was preserved at that time. AND does not mean you 100% know me or what I’m thinking. Unless I say it is all me in there, don’t assume that ffs. (2/2) I feel like my need for external approval is an ouroboros that will never EVER be fulfilled. Either I seek it and don't get it (often) or I seek it and do get the level I wanted (rare) but it ain't enough. My goal is so far away, and it keeps moving, so maybe I gotta lower my damn expectations--towards myself and in the IF world. [[(Return To AlgieFreyir's Jots Home Page)|algJ]] [[(Stop Investigating AlgieFreyir's Jots--You've Seen Enough To Decide)|algDecide]]<u><big>YEAR 6: 2020: </big></u> IFIF 2020 baby! This one's kinda a companion piece to last year's "The Hole Within The Hole", and this one's called "Tailor-Made Pain". As a survivor of over 15 years of terrible things, I sometimes worry that I am gonna inevitably hurt the people around me. That I'm a terrible person deep within, and that's gonna come out and wreck everything and everyone. That I will become the problem I had to drive out of my life. This is a game about that. Hopefully it says something to someone. Btw I know I haven't been around Jot much in this lovely year of 2020 but tbh there's a good reason for that. I had to take some off school to focus on my mental health, and as I was doing that I almost died in a car wreck. So I've been distant online because I'm focusing on myself. I'm still making games, but idk how much I'll post about the process of doing so here, sorry. The pandemic sucks so damn much and I wanna make a game about Covid. . . But everybody's making games about Covid so mine's not gonna add much. . . And I'm sure there's some big "Covid Quest" parser in the works that'll overshadow whatever I can get out anyway. X,) Haha. Here's my hot take: the Twine Revolution was not accepted except under certain games by wider IF imho, b/c until it was seen to push the form it wasn’t seen as valuable to the bigger community. Not to mention it was/is full of non-cis-male creators who used the space to tell their stories, also something wider IF turns its nose at, which sucks. Sorry not sorry lol! I mean, it's not like I belong in IF anyway. I'm AFAB (that means I got boobs for those of the people who can’t bother to google this shit), queer, biracial, but all the IF considered "best" is usually made by cis white dudes. Even the queer shit! What's up with that? X,D (Note I said "usually" ok; don't go 'what about x?' in my replies like 1 person negates the bigger trend/issue I'm trying to unpack here) (1/3) Seriously though. I feel like I gotta claw my way up b/c of my background, and all the cis dudes around me are climbing upwards without even trying. It's hard to talk about b/c there's big women in the scene so nobody sees/cares there's an imbalance? And that makes me feel like my struggles are just all in my head. (2/3) But there is a problem, at least to me. I wish I could make shit and feel like I truly belong here. But to do that, I gotta not be so loud about my identity, and make parsers or something. And I ain't doing either, sorry lol! Guess y'all are stuck with me as I am! (3/3) [[(Return To AlgieFreyir's Jots Home Page)|algJ]] [[(Stop Investigating AlgieFreyir's Jots--You've Seen Enough To Decide)|algDecide]]<u><big>YEAR 7: 2021: </big></u> Working on something new and I’m back on Jot for the first time in a while to say: It's weird to look back at the games I made before I found my queer heart and reached the tail end of my recovery journey from depression/abuse/(C-)PTSD/etc. (1/2) Like, I'm so glad they resonate with people, ok? That is amazing. But is my "legacy" wrapped up in versions of me that do not exist anymore, the parts of me I was before I found true happiness & wholeness? Idk what to think of that tbh. (2/2) IFIF time I suppose. I made a game about observing terrible things and seeing the people who endure them. It’s called “A Wren Who Watches, Waits At The Windows”. Go play it, hope you like. "A game could lay out someone’s personal experience, or it could help explain social systems that were often invisible. But simply *knowing* about that system wouldn’t necessarily spur people to change it. Awareness, it turned out, wasn’t a substitute for action." "Twine lets people make art on their own terms — even if, eventually, everything is wiped away." Yeah. . . I feel that so fucking much. . . Damn this article is so good holy fucking hell. I've made so many games, kept up my output, grew and evolved and adapted. . . After all that, it's still a shitty hobby wherein my creations are glanced at, consumed, and not much else. (1/4) I feel like I'm some indie art vendor where I got a few browsers, but no buyers (in this simile, that would be some kind of narrative design/game writing/freelancer thing). And eventually the browsing people leave anyway and then I'm alone with a bunch of shit nobody wants to fully experience. (2/4) And I'lll be replaced. I know that. Once I stop making stuff or die somebody's gonna pick up where I left off and take over. The internet's full of people clamoring for attention on their work, including me. And I'm replaceable by any of them. (3/4) I's not like I made much of anything special--so basically, I don't stand a chance of lasting if I ever leave. Might as well keep going to see if I make something that DOES make me last. . . Probs not tho haha. (4/4) Yeah no fuck this shit. It's November 19th 2021 and I want out of IF, of games, of creating bullshit for the web and being “disliked”; of being in the endless cycle of IFIF where I release games nobody likes because they're not parser enough but at least people CARED enough to DISLIKE it so I just come back even though it sucks; of feeling like a misfit among all the older cis white dudes who reign in the space. Fuck this shit. I need a break. (1/3) Obviously I know it’s not everyone here but it’s enough so fuck it, here goes. . . What does it mean to “make it” in this world if only parsers are seen as successful projects and everything else is fringe and weird and not enough unless it follows the stupid IF Commandments or some shit? How do you win a battle whose outcome has been pre-chosen by the last generation of IF players who think Infocom was the ultimate peak and hypertext is the lower valley? Is it even worth attempting to win? Idk but I'm tired of trying, so. Bye! (2/3) If you wanna get in touch you know where to find me elsewhere, forum and stuff, mutuals know my twt/email. Because I won't be saying much here for a bit. I know I take a lot of breaks from Jot and I'm sorry for that. But the IF space is choking me, just too much needed to rise here or even SURVIVE this community/area. I'm gonna fuck off and come back when I wanna make games again. (3/3) I was serious with my tweet thread yesterday. I'm taking a break from making IF, ok? Idk when I'll be back but it ain't gonna be soon. It may be never. Just let me be because I can't satisfy anyone so I might as well tend to me for a while. If I can't reach #1 after fighting for it this long, at least I can look after #1, and ask myself why reaching the top is so big to me in the first place. Since I left Christianity I fear death like 20x more, which sucks. And I think more about what I'll leave behind. I want to leave a piece of me inside the internet through the things I make, a digital artifact that represents what I am. Maybe that's why I do this shit. Maybe that’s why it was so hard to stop. [[(Return To AlgieFreyir's Jots Home Page)|algJ]] [[(Stop Investigating AlgieFreyir's Jots--You've Seen Enough To Decide)|algDecide]]<u><big>YEAR 8: 2022: </big></u> Hey uh. Fuck. FUCK. This is so hard to type out but. Here it is. So . . . I've been experiencing these brain problems & extra low energy. Mutuals might have seen them on Twitter. But I wanna talk abut it here too. (1/5) Well doc said, to be brief: The cognitive rot is not going away. And I'm gonna get keep going until it ALL rots. And there's NOTHING that can be done. (2/5) I'm going to forget everything soon. My short-term & long-term mind is already fucked but my core self is next. It's already been compromised. And it's gonna get even worse. Shit. . . (3/5) Will I forget the friends I made here? Will I forget how to make games? Will I forget that I'm transgender? Will I forgot my soul’s cores? I wanna write down more creative stuff in case I lose that but energy is so low that it's so damn hard. Fuck. What's left? (4/5) What is left now of me? Now that I will forget everything, what should I do? How do I continue knowing that I will lose everything inside? I feel like I missed my chance b/c I used to be healthy, now I’m not, and healthy me squandered stuff and now unhealthy me is paying the price for it. Idk. Just ranting now. Gonna stop for now. (5/5, done I guess, idk, I don’t have the energy to keep spiraling here.) I can't remember so many things. Parts of me are faded now, soon to disappear I’msure. Will I forget who I made myself into during these years making IF? Fuck. What part of me is gonna disappear next? Fuck, I'm so lonely. I thought I had friends IRL but I guess not because since I started losing my memory, the people who used to rally behid me? Poof, gone. Guess when you're fearring your life/self going, you find out who your real friends are haha. (1/4) I got like 1 person helping me IRL. Everyone else couldn't care less. It's honestly baffling how little empathy people have to spare. And the Christian peopple around me who I thought would be happy to give? Lol NOPE (2/4) They may wear cross necklaces but metaphorically speaking, they'd rather strangling me with them instead of offfer a lifeline. Like, I'm sure the dude on that cross is VERY happy you're making the poor & sick he spoke of SUFFER so much. Dipshits. (3/4) Alright thats my rant for the day. Send this lonely, forgetful mousey some hugs or something. Maybe pics of cute pts. (4/4) *that's; cute pets. Sorry, been typoing a lot more since this whole thing begin. I'm a WRITER and I can't even WRITE correctly anymore haha! Save me! /hj (5/4 I suppose) Wtf is this Jot site and why do I have a profile here lol. WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?! I'm fucking serious rn I can't remember a damn thing and I'm scared and I don't know what this is HELP i'm sorry about my tweet yesterday but i joust couldn't remember Jot at all, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I am fading and I don't want ths to fade too but it will and I'm scared "Let there even be enough to bring it back | From its own edges, | To bring us all so close that we ignite | The bright spark of resurrection." “the quiet comprewhending of the ending of it all. . .” ouroboros gonna eatt me alive haaha i am trying to do somthing. i know I left but i need to put something out before everything goes. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i have to do it. i have to finis the game. i have to. because the longer i wait the more i forget and the more i lose energy and the more i die and the more my chance to have the last word on my life/legacy/ending dies too, i need to finish it i need to i need to i NEED TO i can't finish th game because i can barely get out of bed anymore. i'm sorry, i just can't, forgive me, i wanted to shout my last goodbye but i can barely let out a whisper, metaphor and technology wise i mean. [1\2] forgive me but i need to stop chasing that so i can do my last rites or whatver you want to call them... i have to focus on my meeting own death rather than what i can do with the last remnants of my own life and that is scary but its just where it is right now i'm sorry [2\2] please don't forget me. if i forget me, please promise me that you won't. please. [[(Return To AlgieFreyir's Jots Home Page)|algJ]] [[(Stop Investigating AlgieFreyir's Jots--You've Seen Enough To Decide)|algDecide]]<u><big>Creator Profile: </big></u> [img[images_ourscale/algieicon.png]] <u>Full Name:</u> Algie Freyir <u>Username:</u> @AlgieFreyir <u>Jot Biography:</u> Algie: Twine Wizard(?), Anime Advocate, Poetry Pundit, "Assisting in the Bright Affair So intricately done." Transgender Man, He/Him. I make interactive weirdness sometimes, and want to meet others in this space. Hi! <u>Creator's IF Type (according to Jot's Sitewide User Ranking/Survey):</u> Fringe Click here to view AlgieFreyir's jots. [[Click here for Mod Commands/Options.|algD1]]<u><big>Mod Commands for AlgieFreyir's JAVP Creator Profile</big></u> Edit Profile | Move Profile | [[Delete Profile|algD2]][[Delete Profile|algDy]] | [[(Do Not Delete Profile)|algDn]]<u><big>Mod Commands for AlgieFreyir's JAVP Creator Profile: Delete:</big></u> <i>Are you sure you want to DELETE @AlgieFreyir's Creator Profile?</i> [[Yes.|algDyy]] | [[(Reconsider)|algD2]]{Robert Evans seemed to want the profile to go. If you don't delete it, you could lose your opportunity to help the Archive.) [[(Don't Delete Anyway.)|algDnn]] | [[(Reconsider)|algD2]]<i>@AlgieFreyir's Creator Profile has been [[marked for deletion|algFin]] and will be offline in 24 hours. Users will not be able to access this page in this state.</i> <<set $algiesjots to "deleted">> <<if $algiesjots is "deleted">><u><big>Creator Profile: </big></u> [MARKED FOR DELETION BY JAVP MOD]: [img[images_ourscale/algieicon.png]] <u>Full Name:</u> Algie Freyir <u>Username:</u> @AlgieFreyir <u>Jot Biography:</u> Algie: Twine Wizard(?), Anime Advocate, Poetry Pundit, "Assisting in the Bright Affair So intricately done." Nonbinary & Transgender Man, He/They. I make interactive weirdness sometimes, and want to meet others in this space. Hi! <u>Creator's IF Type (according to Jot's Sitewide User Ranking/Survey):</u> Fringe Click here to view AlgieFreyir’s jots. Click here for Mod Commands/Options.<<else>><u><big>Creator Profile: </big></u> [img[images_ourscale/algieicon.png]] <u>Full Name:</u> Algie Freyir <u>Username:</u> @AlgieFreyir <u>Jot Biography:</u> Algie: Twine Wizard(?), Anime Advocate, Poetry Pundit, "Assisting in the Bright Affair So intricately done." Nonbinary & Transgender Man, He/They. I make interactive weirdness sometimes, and want to meet others in this space. Hi! <u>Creator's IF Type (according to Jot's Sitewide User Ranking/Survey):</u> Fringe Click here to view AlgieFreyir’s jots. Click here for Mod Commands/Options. <i>Thanks for reading AlgieFreyir’s Jot profile, supporting IF creators, and using the Archive!</i><<endif>> [[(Return to the Volunteer Mod DMs & Report to Robert Evans.)|algRE]] <u><big>Jot Archive Volunteer Project Chat: Your Direct Messages with REvans:</big></u> Just Now: REvans: Oh, good timing. I was about to message you. <<if $algiesjots is "deleted">>REvans: I saw that @AlgieFreyir's profile was just marked for deletion. Good job. Considering the goals of the JAVP, I think you made the right choice to remove her account from the archive. REvans: You seemed to learn the ropes well enough, pretty much did everything exactly as we'd went over, which is a good sign. I think we can definitely bring you on board as a volunteer on this project. REvans: I know you said you have other things to do today, so we'll have you delete more accounts another time. Let's nail down availability via email. REvans: Thanks for being part of this [[attempt to save the best of IF history.|end]] See you soon, and we're glad to have you on board!<<else>>REvans: I saw you looked through @AlgieFreyir's jots but left her profile alone? I'm a bit confused why, and a bit disappointed if I'm being honest. REvans: The goal of JAVP is to preserve the best of IF history from that site. From what I saw of Algie's work, I don't think she [[really qualifies|end]] for that, I'm afraid. REvans: I wanted to bring you on board the project but now I need to reconsider that idea. I'm sorry. This may not be a good fit after all. REvans: I'll consider what I want to do next, but I'm definitely leaning towards a no. Regardless, you'll get my final decision via email soon. REvans: Thanks for coming in. Sorry it's probably not going to work out. <<endif>> <i>REvans went offline.</i> [[. . .|end1]]<u><big>A Single Ouroboros Scale</big></u> [img[images_ourscale/scalecover.png]] [[that’s all. (fin)|credits]]Credits: Written & Programmed by Naomi Norbez (call me Bez, he/they). Art by Naomi Norbez, aside from the pink room background photo, which has been included under a free-to-use Pixabay License. Beta tested by Duncan Bowsman & Amanda Walker—thank you both very much! [[Post-Game Author’s Note|note2]][img[images_ourscale/scalecreditsimg.png]] Hello (again), Let’s talk for a sec, shall we? My memory is garbage but I’ll type as much as I am able to manage. I’ve been writing IF regularly since 2015, been in IF Comp every year since, hung around many community spaces in various capacities. I’m not some newbie speaking out of my ass. The community has problems, especially with how marginalized hypertext creators are treated. There are so many people in this space who I love and am close to, especially in the IF Comp world. But if something doesn’t change, the stuff I discussed is gonna reach a boiling point eventually. My greatest hope is that this game becomes extremely dated very soon, a relic of a IF community that has moved towards better inclusion in the future. Misc. stuff about the game/text itself: Algie is also a way of me speaking through a fictional character/journey to say things I have wanted to express, ponder my own journey and the various facets of it. I liked coming up with his games and I kinda wanna make some of them IRL if I survive. He is a white mouse who loses his memory for a reason. This game started with a larger scope/vision but had to be majorly scaled back because of the memory problems/health crisis. I am still proud of what I made here even if I had to lower my inner expectations to meet my current outward ability (which is 100% fine—you gotta do what you gotta do, and I did). The JAVP and Robert Evans’s vision/execution could be an “IF dystopia” as one beta tester put it, or an alternate future closer to our reality—up to you, but I do want to raise the question of how IF history is remembered/recorded. Not to question anyone in particular to be 100% clear (I had nobody at all in mind when writing this piece or Evans), but just to ask the question in general. I did not plan to write this game right now. Like I said, I left IF on this account in November of 2021 and I did not plan to return for a long time. But then in January my health crisis began: my memory started to fail me in various ways. And as the weeks went on I just got worse and worse, which led me to panic and, desperate to get a Twine out there before my ability to make them could decrease or go altogether, tinker with this on the side when I could get the energy to actually do so. And now, here it is. But it was very very hard because as I said on the forum, “My memory is failing, and the act of writing–something I have done since I was a very young child–is now more difficult than ever.” It took wrangling herculean challenges every time I returned to this, things that were once “as natural as breathing” that are now full-fledged olympic challenges—that is how this game was made, and by <i>some</i> damn miracle it was finished in time for Spring Thing. So I fear that this will be the last thing I am able to make here, either for a long time or ever. Not just as an IF developer burnt out by the community/scene, but as a person whose cognitive abilities are shutting down before his eyes. Things are getting harder for me, and if this continues, they will only worsen. Perhaps that fear is unfounded, and once this catastrophe is over, I will chuckle in relief at my past self for dreading the worst. Perhaps the fear has merit, and I will forget so many things that I will not remember those I love, never mind writing and releasing this game & letter. I don't know. I wish I did, and I can guess what will occur based on present data, but the future can defy even the most likely predictions. What will actually happen remains to be seen, but the point is that the fear is <i>present</i>, and the negative outcome seems frighteningly possible. That’s all. Like I said, you wanna reach out, you can reach me at [[@NaomiNorbez|https://twitter.com/NaomiNorbez]] on Twitter, or via email at <u>mninorbez@gmail.com</u>. If that doesn’t work, try the other email (what that means you will have to figure out yourself) Let’s hope I remember making this, Naomi Norbez <b>(call me Bez)</b> Writer, Twine Maker, Queer Idiot Extraordinaire Pronouns: <b>he/they</b> March 31, 2022. [[(return to credits)|credits]] (You decided to [[keep the profile in the archive.|algFin]])