"Golly, if this is my last night alive I wanna at least live it up!" So you grab your things and head out for a night on the town!\n\nBut when get there, you slap your forehead silly! "D'oh! I forgot! Nearly everything is closed tonight except for the history museum and this one night club."\n\nYou've come too far to go back now, though, so you might as well hang out at one of those two places. Which shall it be?\n\n[[Let's go to the history museum!|Museum Main]]\n@@Night club coming in a future DLC funpack!! --Author@@
"Yeah I'm totally jacking up that joint." You kick a few of the stacked-up stones around the base and flip over the goat-man picture, just to start things off. But before you can pluck the petals off of the delicate, plastic magnolias-and-orchids flower arrangement, a crack of lightning stabs the ground before and a man with the head and legs of a goat appears!\n\n"Hey, what's the big idea?" you ask. "Can't you let a guy ruin a plastic flower arrangement in peace?"\n\n"Dude, dude, do you //even// know how much those cost?" The goat-man asks as he shakes with rage.\n\n"You probably got them at the dollar store."\n\n"Well, well, //yeah//." It seems your statement has caught the goat-man off-guard. "But, like, it's, like, the //principle// of the thing, you know, man? Like, didn't your mother tell you not to mess with wicked-looking altars, dude?"\n\n"Nah, it's cool," you say. "I'm supposed to die tonight anyway."\n\nGoat-man squints. "Bull-hockey."\n\n"No, no, I'm serious! A witch told me and everything!"\n\n"Oh, okay," says Goat-man, unsquinting. "If a witch told you, should be legit."\n\n"Yeah, but I'm getting kind of antsy waiting around for it."\n\n"Well, man, you want me to bump you off? 'Cuz that can be arranged."\n\n"Yeah sure whatever," you say.\n\nSo quicker than the lightning flash the Goat-man appeared from, you are engulfed by magical pseudo-hellfire flame and destroyed.\n\n''THE END''
{{{"LOOKING AT ALL THE MUMMIES IS SO VERY EXCITING!"}}} you breathlessly exclaim under your breath. {{{"I KNOW FOR A FACT I WOULDN'T MIND DYING LOOKING AT ONE!"}}} One of the other patrons looks at you, clearly annoyed.\n\nYou skip down to the Ancient Egypt exhibit in a merry reverie. Which mummy will you look at next? There are so many to choose from! There's the ancient visage of Tuten P'ah, the six-fingered sorcerer of old! Or Ramses the 69th, the pharoah no-one likes to talk about! Or Muken the Mighty, a warrior who inspired many other mighty and unbalanced fighters! Or Omekaset, the Ultra-Cursed-- waitaminute, Omekaset the Ultra-Cursed!?!\n\nOh no! You can feel the mighty power of the Ultra-Curse surging through you as soon as you spy the funeral wrappings of the horribly evil cultist Omekaset! It's spinning your body into a horrific vortex! Your last thought as you are being spun out of all existence is how wrong you were in the first paragraph. You really WOULD mind dying while looking at a mummy!\n\n''THE END''
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Choose Your Own SPOOKY Death!
//"That's wonderful!"// cries Mister Haunted Tank. //"Are they selling well? Are they planning to do more??"//\n\n<<display "Tank End">>
"History museum it is!" you shout with glee. "Now where's my frickin' History Meet Club Pass?"\n\nYou fish around in your <<cyclinglink "purse" "messenger bag">> until you find your pass.\n\n"There we go!" you say. "I was saving the last stamp on this for a special occasion, but I guess there won't be time for that after today."\n\nYou head up to the museum and hand your pass to the ticket taker. He crosses out the last stamp and waves you inside, where //the magic happens//.\n\n{{{"OH BOY!"}}} you sort of stage whisper so you don't disturb the other patrons. {{{"I JUST LOVE LEARNING ABOUT THE MYSTERIES OF HISTORY AT THE MUSEUM!"}}}\n\nWhich mystery of history would you like to look at first?\n\n[[The mummies!!|Mummy]]\n[[The WWII Display!!|Tank]]
"If I'm going to die of vaguely supernatural causes I'mma at least do it in the most spookily appropriate place!" So you put on your shoes and jacket and head out for a walk in the Spooky Woods, so named because they are a woods, and spooky.\n\nWhile walking over there, you come across the scary-aged-witch again. She doesn't seem to see you, though. Do you call out to her?\n\n[[Sure, let's see if she remembers that one thing she wanted to tell me|Talk to Witch]]\n[[Nah, I'm deadset on hiking through Spooky Woods|Mystery Altar]]
{{{"GOLLY, BUT I WOULD JUST LOVE TO LOOK AT SOME WORLD WAR TWO TANKS!"}}} you shout-whisper excitedly. A museum guide walks up to you and tells you to keep the noise down or they'll have to ask you to leave.\n\nYou wander around the WWII exhibit, looking at a melted turret here and a broken-down jeep there. <small>"These are all nice and good, but where are the tanks?"</small> you say, actually keeping your voice down this time.\n\nSuddenly, you hear a ghostly voice echoing through the exhibit. //"TheEEey're OooOOoverr HEEeeere!"// it says.\n\n"Man, who is making that awful racket?" says you. "I didn't get to make that much noise and nobody else should either."\n\n//"It isss I!"// With that, the ghostly form of Civil War general Jeb Stuart appears!\n\n"Gasp! It's Jeb Stuart, the haunt what haunts the Haunted Tank!" you cry out, well-read on your old DC war comics.\n\nYes, it //is// the very same Jeb Stuart, and what's more, you can see the <<cyclinglink "Stuart tank" "Sherman tank" "FrankenTank">> he haunted behind him.\n\n"Ah, it does my heart good to see the young folk familiar with the old Robert Kanigher classics. But tell me, is such knowledge common in your time? Do people still remember my comics magazine?"\n\nWell, how do you answer //that// one?\n\n[[Uh, they're still selling the Showcases on Amazon, at least?|Showcase]]\n[[Uh, I think you got a book in the New 52?|New 52]]\n[[Uh, I think Chris Sims might still write a column or two about you sometimes?|Chris Sims]]
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//"Really? That's amazing! Did it get good reviews? Is it still ongoing??"// asks Mister Haunted Tank.\n\n<<display "Tank End">>
"Leaving this weird shrine be seems like the wisest choice here," you pontificate to yourself. You back away from the altar and start hiking back to the main trail. But before you're out of sight of the altar, a crack of lightning stabs the ground before you and a man with the head and legs of a goat appears!\n\n"Hey dude, why you gotta be harshing my buzz, man?" says the goat-man.\n\n"I didn't do anything," you protest. "In fact I said, out loud, my intentions to not do anything."\n\nGoat-man groans and rolls his eyes. "That's just the problem, bro! You //know// I like my crib to be all, //like this//, and yet you see it be more, ''like this'', and you see that and yet you do nothing, bro??"\n\n"I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about. Maybe you mistook me for someone else?"\n\n"No dude, I like, //know// you man, you know? Don't try to argue with, because like, that's just asking for a smiting."\n\n"Oh, well, in that case I'm perfectly sorry," you say, still not quite sure what the situation's about. "Anything I can do to make up for it?"\n\n"I'm thinking nah, brah." This goat-man's vocal tics are starting to get on your nerves. "In fact, I'm thinking, you know what? Eff you and the horse you rode in on, 'cause you're getting smited! Or uh, smit, or-- or smitten, or however you're supposed to say that."\n\n"Smote." Subscribing to Obscure Verb Tenses Monthly sure has its benefits sometimes.\n\n"Yeah well whatever, you're dying."\n\nQuicker than the lightning flash he appeared from, you are engulfed by magical pseudo-hellfire flame and destroyed.\n\n''THE END''
Halloween is the night of horrors, haunts, spooks, diners, and dives, so naturally this is the perfect time for a good Kill-You-'Em-Up. Just click on the links to your DOOM and have a good time.\n\n[[OK GO!!|Go]]
"Hey Es-Ay-Double-U," you call out to the Scary Aged Witch, cleverly referring to her by her initials. "What's up? You remember that thing you were gonna tell me?"\n\nThe Scary Aged Witch, who was stirring something in a cauldron, looks up. "Oh, yeah," she says, "I just zoned out back there. Would you mind lending me a few eggs? I'm working on a new potion, and they're required in the recipe."\n\n"Sure thing," you say. You work out how many eggs she needs and head home to grab a carton from the fridge.\n\nYou get back to the Scary Aged Witch's place and hand over the carton. "Here you go," you say.\n\nImagine your surprise when-- wait, wait, not enough excitement there in the early going. Lemme do that over.\n\n¡¡Imagine your surprise when the Scary Aged Witch takes your carton of eggs and throws it //RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!!//\n\n(Okay much better.)\n\n"AHAHAHA, //PSYCHE!!//" screams the Witch as the egg whites roll down your eye whites. "I didn't need those crappy eggs at all! Have fun dying of Salmonella, //loser//. Ahaha!"\n\n"Wait wait, back up here," you mumble through the broken eggs. "Is that how Salmonella works? I thought you had to, like, actually //eat// the eggs? And even if not, don't Salmonella symptons take a little longer than one night to show up? And I thought it was pretty rare to die of it if you're a healthy adult, which--"\n\n"Just shut up and die of Salmonella already," interrupts the Scary Aged Witch.\n\nAnd you proceed to do just that! "I have some problems with the validity of this scenario," you choke out before you die.\n\n''THE END''
"Witches are all fine and good, but I'd prefer to hike in these woods and most likely die there," you say aloud to nobody in particular. So you keep on hiking to the Spooky Woods.\n\nYou wander around, hit a couple trails, look at the fall colors. It's pretty peaceful for your last night on Earth. You're about to head home when you take a wrong turn and stumble upon a mysterious altar. You can tell it's a mysterious altar, because there's a picture of a goat-man on it and a sign right next saying "MYSTERIOUS ALTAR".\n\nSoooo, you're totally gonna disturb this thing, right?\n\n[[Oh heck yeah man|Disturb Altar]]\n[[Mmm, I'm thinking, "no"|Leave it Be]]
"It'd too dangerous to go out on the night that I'm supposed to die!" you say out loud. "Better stay here, where it's safe."\n\nSo you scooch back under the blanket and wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.\n\nAnd wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait...\n\n//Geeze this is getting boring,// you think to yourself. But suddenly... "Oh no!"\n\n"I'm BORING myself to death!" you cry out. Yes, even the warm, safe environment of your house couldn't save you from the dreaded spectre of ENNUI, the most horrifying death of all^^*^^!\n\n{{{*(As voted on by a panel of French existentialists.)}}}\n\nWith your dying breath, you cry out @@Author's note: Eh, I'll get to your last words later.@@\n\n''THE END''
You sit huddled under a blanket in your living room, listening to the wind spookily blow through the trees. "Gosh!" you say aloud to yourself, "I sure hope I don't see a sudden portent of my own doom right now!"\n\nJUST THEN! A scary witch pops her aged head in through your window and says, "Boo!"\n\n"Not now, scary aged witch!" you cry out, jumping up in fright. "Can't you come along some other night?"\n\n"As a matter of fact, I cannot," the scary aged witch says matter of factly. "That is because tonight is the night... IN WHICH YOU DIE!"\n\nGASP! SCARE CHORD!\n\n"Also," continues the witch, "there was something else I was gonna tell you, //buuuut// I forgot. Welp, laters!" And with that, she scuttles out of theres.\n\nOh no! Tonight is the night in which you die! It's your final night on Earth! After this night, you'll be //kaput!// No more nights after this one! I am running out of ways to convey the exact same piece of information!\n\nWith that in mind, how will you choose to spend it?\n\n[[Take a walk in the Spooky Woods!|Spooky Woods]]\n[[Have a night on the town!|Town]]\n[[Just stay home (maybe it'll keep you safe?)|Home]]
Healy
"Oh, I wouldn't really know, I dropped out of comics a couple years back," you confess.\n\n//"Oh."// Jeb looks mighty disappointed to hear this.\n\n"Look, I gotta go now," you say. "I wish I could say, 'Talk to you later,' buuuut..."\n\n//"No, no, please stay!"// Jeb Stuart is trying his darndest to keep his cool. //"I'm sure there are many things we could discuss about my comics magazine!"//\n\n"Uh, no thanks." //Geeze// this guy is pushy. "In fact I mostly just came here to look at the tanks. The regular ones, I mean."\n\n//"Oh, well, if it's tanks you want--"// He spookily floats over to the <<cyclinglink "Stuart" "Sherman" "FrankenTank">>. //"I mean, I could show you the controls for this baby here!"//\n\n"No, I'm good. I mean it."\n\n//"Ah, come on!"// Jeb opens the hatch and enters the tank. You can hear him fiddling with things inside. //"I could show you how the turrets work! Watch this--"// But he doesn't say another word. For at the moment, the turrets discharge at you with deadly ectoplasm! It's a direct hit!\n\nJeb floats out of the tank and checks up on you. //"Ah dang kid, dreadfully sorry about that. You alright?"//\n\n"Jeb Stuart... you are... literally... the... worst!" With these words spoken, you shuffle off this mortal coil.\n\n''THE END''
//"I have heard of that fine Southern gentlemen,"// says Mister Haunted Tank. //"He's the Batman guy, right?"//\n\n"Right, right," you answer.\n\n//"Then is he writing an article about //me// this fine Hallow's Eve??"// Jeb cannot contain the look of glee on his face.\n\n<<display "Tank End">>